Flaming June's Love

Allie and I go tot he mall. I have 100 dollars to spend on me. That never happens, I always spend it on something or someone else. So I go directly to my fav store, B Moss. OK so the secret is out I am a yuppie dressing scarf wearing hat donning 40 yr old woman. I love the sweaters that are turtleneck, wide legged wool pants, vests, and a cool hat. I am famous for my black beret, you know you have to feel those things in order to wear them. So we are eagerly shopping me in the size 12 and up , she in the 3,5's. ( lttle shit!!!!) I ask her If she felt that? felt what that that that whooosh I utter whooosh and it comes from the back to the front, cool tight air, champagne bottle whoosh I feel the urge to grab my 5'8" baby and dive under the rack of knee length wrap around grey sweaters. I look around everyone is looking at each other and we all grin and hold badk the OH SHIT LETS RUN My take charge gal says Mom put everything down lets get out of here and into the...

She appears to be looking at me- she knows everything and says its ok. Do the best you can and everything will be alright. This is a photo of a stained glass window. I found it obscurely and love her. She might be a little sad but that is her. all is well.

I guess I should know my life is pretty good if my blog entry is about my sons runny nose. Ho woke up yesterday with the rosy cheeks of sickness. If you have a child with the telltale just "slapped cheeks with fever" you know how pitiful they look. Runny nose red cheeks, cough, and just miserable attitude. I attempt to approach the boy with a tissue for the river of snot on his upper lip, he grabs what he is doing and goes the other way, running in his 15 month old way! Of course he is voicing his distaste for anything tissuelike approaching anywhere near his face by verbalizing his fathers familiar gggrrrrrrr.. Currently he is watching Sesame drinking a bottle of water and pretty content. Andy is in NYC this week and working hard. He is considering changing his job to something so he wont be away so often. We are in process of rearranging some money inorder to buy a home and I am concerned that a change will affect our loan possibilities. Anyway Andy has always bee...

Im not in the mood tonight. For writing, talking, laughing, sex, and most of all Christmas. Music everywhere. Ill be home for Christmas. hmmmm I dont think so.

I have a date tonight!!!! Yup I am meeting with my Mom and cousins and Aunt for a night of poker with the girls. We did this about a month ago and we were all so happy to spend some time together that we were out til after 1 am. I enjoy all of their company and we inherently laugh most of the night reminiscing. Isnt it intersting how the family that is in another generration nopw dont seem to be that much older we all go together after a certain point. I think it is 40. yup that is the turning point. I am playing cards tonight with my aunt who is in her 80's and then all the way down to me. with 12 in between. It sounds corny but I enjoythem. I am now begining the christmas stuff. I mentioned the outside christmas lights to Andy and he got them out for me. I usually cant wait to get them up but I am a little slow this year but have resigned myself to the "fake it til you make it" theory. Fake being jolly, merry and filled with yule (whatever that is) until I rea...

I am thankful: I have been loved by someone everysingle minute of my life. I came to that conclusion today. I was feeling sorry for myself and sad for what I am missing or moreso who I am missing. I then began trying to "count my blessings" I have been loved every second of my life. I may not have been lovable but as a parent I KNOW I have been loved by my parents. I have loved my siblings everysecond of my life. As have they me. My kids have loved me though they may not know it right now! My husbands yes both of them have loved me. they always will. I can think of three friends that I could ask right now if they LOVE me they would say yes. Now I know that I have been in Love with people or loved qualities about them, but to truly love someone else never goes away. Did I fall out of love with Tim, my first husband, NO it just changed. I will always love him. Look at what we did together!!!!! these two girls that have the world at their fingertips because of their bra...