Sorry Dad

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I get run over by guilt and sometimes it is tangible.
I feel physical waves of heavy, that last seconds but are real nonetheless.
I hope he forgives me someday for not doing more, but I am in the acceptance stage of our journey of letting go. If my aches of "YOURAFUCKUP" Suzie hit me less and less then I am succeeding. I still surprise myself with the flashes of reality( He is gone)and then other times it all seems "normal".
Either way my favorite month that I have such a tumultuous Love/HAte relationship with is right around the corner (August) I am now preparing for that by begining it with my broken heart video. WARNING do not watch if you have an ounce of feeling for you will CRY.
Cathartic that no one is alone in their pain, but painful all the same.

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