Flaming June's Love

Funny I get onto Blogger to post and this is number 500 post. Merry Christmas to all and everything that is sweet to you and yours. I have so much to spill. Good things... Christmas was technically a hit. I (after writing about my visit to the Dr and reporting just a cold) went to a different doctor then next day and have bronchitis and sinusitis. I have been feeling truly miserable since the 23 rd. The gifts were all wrapped and everything necessary for the big day was done. Other than the bagels for my brother and exhusband on Christmas morning I pretty much hit everything else. I do have really bad moments of feeling overwhelmed and out of control but all in all the day went well. The girls got alot of stuff, Allies big gift this year were a pair of aquamarine earrings beautiful, and Missi got a new dvd player forher room. The rest of the stuff is typical purses jewelry, socks, closthes, movies, sweaters, pj's, undies, makeup, perfume, lotions, journals, the regular.. Th...

I rememebr watching this movie with my girls a few years ago and thinking God I hope I amnot that crazy. Now I look back and I am that crazy. But I am an excellent Mom and they Love me for that. I drive them crazy but that is my job. I love you girls now and everyday. When you read this someday long from the date that is listed realize that I sat here on the couch and dreamed of both of you dreamed of your future, good bad and everything in between. I have loved you boundlessly since the moment you were born. Neihter of you have ever lost a second of love. Thank you for making me valuable in this world girls, You made me matter, I love you for that.

Today was a day that could have been any other day for me. I went to work and did my job. I have been fighting a wicked cold for a few days so I had decided to go to the Dr at the end of the day for some antibiotics and cough syrup. The Dr denied my request for antibiotics but gave in for the codeine cough medicine. My Allie on the other hand is officially in sick mode. She always has a complaint of one type or another but this time she is officially SICK. She went to her Dr and has a double ear infection, sinusitis and eye infection. His comment to her was "you come in here this sick and still greet me with a smile>?" He gave her eye drops, antibiotics inhaler and cough medicine. A note for work through the 30th. Yes she is sick. Missi is NOT SICK. Why? well we were teasing her tonight that it is because she doesnt come out of her room long enough to breath any air that may have passed by any of us. She has been working on a paper that is officially kicking her ...

I was ready to put it all away for the night and just typed in Forty Fort, and this vid of a sunset over my hometown and the beauty of the river I love so very much. Then the song of having hope and courage after the loss of someone you love. I needed this song and vid to feel better tonight. Thank you God. Thanks Pop.

The quality isnt the best but boy do I feel it everytime she hugs her Dad and knows that is it for.... Now. I want one more minute. Thats all just one minute to feel a little better and know he is ok. I also like the part when Joe tells Bill that he need not worry about what is to come Not as a man like him. Its so sweet so good. Miss you Dad. Love you.

I havent said too much about it becaue as you know I have my moments of high furued energy that seem to poop out. I have officially been going to the gym for two weeks now and am still enjoying it. I did a mile in 18 minutes. I know some of you runners in blog world scoff at the idea but for me thats good. I am happy with that and hope to be "Running" in three months. Funny for me today. I am on the treadmill at the gym, listening to Alanis and ripping every BAD GUY on the planet with her angry scorned woman music when I SEE HIM. Yup right out of LIFE BEHIND BARS or OZ... 6 feet of muscles tattoos and bald head. I cant help but look at him. Mirrors are everywhere. I can see him when I look away, I see him from the tv screen, yeah I feel like his bald head is a freekin magnet for my eyes. I am not typically an oggler, It isnt polite and I am in no condition to look at anyone. This guy is something good girls only think about then blush. I continue on my walk and sin...

There are days that I think I have it all together, then like yesterday I am a shell of a person. My Missi is so much more than I am anymore. Her first swim meet was tonight. She was a nervous wreck and had hoped that she wouldnt swim in the meet since she is not a great swimmer.... but she has heart. We, Me Allie, and Tim arrived at 4:15 and watched attentively as kids swam and relayed and dove and breast, butterflied and all that stuff. My Missi wasnt ready to do her first eEVER SWIMMING RELATED ANYTHING until about 6:45. By this time I had said a full rosary in my head and numerous prayers that she ust get through it without finishing last. Why so negative well for a beginner it is not unreasonable to finish poorly since she never had a lesson or swam until about 10 weeks ago. She was in a relay and was the last leg. SHe umped in the pool and did her thing and we cheered and she got out and we hooted and hollered and she was happy. My prayers were answered and she is was to be...

Im feeling some Christmas spirit, but then the tree falls over and breaks a few balls as it always does, and Jack has a freaking meltdown after a weekend of excellent behavior, so yeah Im feeling,... ambiguous. I have waited for a very long time to have Christmas in this new house and you know what... It is just a house. The rooms are bigger the paint is classy, the floors beautiful but you know what , just rooms. My kids are the same and amazing. My husband the same and.... I am the same and feeling IT. Allie had an assignment for her Philosophy class, she had to ask questions of four different people at four different stages of life and I really didnt want to know my answers. I am sure no one wants to hear another story of regret and shoulda coulda woulda's but hat is what my life is right now. I try to see past all the PIA shtuf but damn Im tired. I am trying to keep everyone happy bu thtis girl is old. How old would I be? 35 Why? independence broke, yeah but potential was...

http://www.dayswithmyfather.com/#/0

I received a comment from a lovely woman that read my blog and believes I am a "doll". I follow a blog of a family that began as a tragic story and now I follow because of the faith the woman has and I find it inspiring and gives me courage and humility for my own life. As I look through the blogs I follow I realize they are all the blogs of spiritual women. Religious, faithful, women with children and husbands, lives full of everything mine is full of and they still have room for MORE. Here is my thought for today, They have hurdles larger than mine, sick children, tragedies that would send most people reeling, Does their faith ease their problems? ease their pain, make their lives something that I dont have? Why does it seem as though their faith in Jesus Christ gives them an extra hand, extra courage, strength. Is that the answer, is that what I am missing that would HELP ME HELP THEM!!! Help me,,, help them. Help me,,, help them. I love them so very much and I would ...

It was a great holiday and for some reason there was no stress. Jack slept through the whole thing. He went to sleep at 1 30 ish and didnt get up til 330. Divine intervention. probably. Joe the neighbor came to visit for a few minutes and that was nice. cant talk gotta run lov eto all.

Yup another one and this is our fist one in the new house. I am hosting today and I am very happy about that. If I can keep Jack from destroying everything within his reach and knocking people down with his random pushing and running it might be a decent day. It is pretty sad when you have to plan your holiday dinner around your childs nap so that they WONT be awake for it. Yeah if I could donate Jack to the food bank for the day I certainly would. AM I a bad mom, I know I am. But I have the rest of the family to think about too. Andy has generously donated his time to hang with the boy upstairs until I can pull the day together. I am happy. I am grateful. I am tired.

First a few pics I found on Allies computer that I really liked. My bly looking angelic and then the boy looking like the rest of us when a camera is about and making a silly face with my cousins daughter Ella. The nest is probably the only pic of myself on this blog but I figured what the heck, I am what I am. The last is totally girls. love their silliness. Ok here is the latest news around here. Growing up we spent our summers at he mountain house with the grandparents and cousins and extended family and friends. I can tell you that the time spent out ther is time I will always chersih and that the memories are thick and can almost be tasted that is how good some of them are when I think hard enough. Many of those memories revolve around a local bar called The Barn. It was owned by a family that had spent their generations on the mountain as well. My earliest memories of the barn were as a young child going there to have coke in a glass bottle and chips and playing the jukebo...

When did my Missi get so beautiful, She is now swimming and working out at the gym at school three days a week and she is blossoming into something ... MORE. Her boyfriend is an amazing young man and I couldnt be happier for her.

Here goes a month of blogging I should be doing but cant seem to either find the time or find the motivation to write. The latest stuff is I spent friday night at Lehigh Valley Hospital, yeeah a real blast from the past there. I was at school and felt fine. All of a sudden I had terrible nausea, sweating, hearburn, lightheadedness and thought I was going to pass out. It lasted about a minute and by that point I was in full blown panic mode and called Andy who immediately called the paramedics and I was in an als unit within ten minutes. I cant say what brought it on and truly what it was but shit it was scary. I can say that I thought it was starting all over again and I was going to die if I didnt get someone there quick. It took a good 30 minutes to get the initial workup stated at the hospital and then I think i was in panic attack mode so ther really was nothing I could do by that point. They called My cardiologist and he wanted me in Allentown immediately so ther I was in an ...

Picture of the punch for Missis party, notice the spooky hands floating in the "bloody punch" yuck.LOL My mom, aunt, cousin and daughter at the halloween party. My girls soooo lucky am I. My boy as his hero, lightning mcqueen.

Today was my Dads birthday. No one mentioned it really until tonight when Allie was leaving she stuck her head in my room and said, Happy Birthday Pop. And blew me a kiss and made her signature peace sign. I just spent the last 40 min reviewing the entries I made the past two years on this date. I am better than I was. I still have loss but it is getting better to deal with. I think I am forgetting some things. I am afraid I am forgetting how much I miss him. I dont want to forget... anything. Maybe just more comfortable with the constant discomfort. I explained to a friend it is like having a rock in your shoe, every time you take a step it pinches, you can kick it around in there and move it but it still hurts just in a different spot. Just when you forget you had a rock in your shoe, it hits your right in heel. Fucker that hurts,,, yeah I know. OK so here it is. Dad, Happy Birthday wherever you are. I hope you are hanging with some of your old cronies, maybe some lemon mer...

Picture this... My 19 yr old comes home after being at work and then went oout with her boss whom she loves like a sister. She has fun with her and enjoys her company. That is a good thing. great thing. She is sooooo lucky to have bosses that love her like a family member. More importantly she is learning about grown up life first hand. She has friends in both of them and that is good. Here is the kicker part of tonight. She gets home and she is with her friend. The frind is obviously upst. She confesses that she is upset that she is not at a real college where she can be out all the time and having fun. I said that next year when she goes away she an have all that but she obviously wasnt ready right out of HS. She staed that she knows that and she just wishes she could be having more fun. She then told me that she is worried about going home because her mom wanted her out of the house by 930 tonight so she (the mom ) could have a quiet evening at home without them (the kids...

First is the proverbial train in the tunnel headed your way and what do you do. well not that dramatic... ust the trai in JT that we love to watch. Allies freckles, they certainly dont get enough attention but I think you can all appreciate them with this pic. Missi's blue of bluest eyes. She has so much going on in there and I love all the colors and yellow circle and craziness of the blue babies. And then my boy with his favorite things, his cars on the last beautiful hot day of the year in the yard. Gotta love his collegiate look that day. Did you notice his hair cut? Yeah no more beach bum, now he is mr. Princeton and I will work that look for a while. love to all, I am not suicidal and dont want anyone thinking Im a whacker, just typical Suz you know, reactionary, emotional, and a tad bit overzealous in the drama department. Ill be ok.

I have hit a few times in my head that I could ramble and blog about for hours. I just dont have the passion to start. I have found myself thinking about blogging but cant get the groove to giterdone. A few topics I will be touching on in the near future. 1. My oldest friends that I dont see but think about almost everyday. 2. My feelings of true distaste for Sara Palin. I can almost say that I detest her. 3. My lack of passion, yeah the real thing. I am in love but want not to ... you know do it. 4. I am encouraging my daughter to go away to college in the fall and my feelings of go.... dont go again. 5. Missi is planning her college escape and the issues with her are soo dramatically different. She is gonna be fine and I cant wait for her to go. 6. My ex husbands mother is ill. My mother in law and it is truly eating away at me. My feelings of guilt and lack of contact and my feelings about it all. 7. Jack. Jack.. and more Jack. He is the thought first thing in the mo...

I know you all mus tget tired of my kids and husband but you know what that is what and who I am. Andy and I took Jack to a little town called Jim Thorpe. It is an artsy town with sweet shops and cafe's and a few B&B's. The best part of T is that it is so close to the river and most of all the train ride. We had an amazing day truly exactly what we needed. I have tons of pics to share so if not interested dont scroll down. If you are it is pics of PA in the fall, a beautiful child on a train, a man that so loves his son and most of all I was walking along a path and saw an amazing pic and had a glimpse thought of my Dad, fleeting but then it was gone. I just opened the file and there he was in the middle of the pic I will post it first for all you naysayers. I am happpy today. I should let these days fill my head.