Happy Birthday DAD.

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Today was my Dads birthday. No one mentioned it really until tonight when Allie was leaving she stuck her head in my room and said, Happy Birthday Pop. And blew me a kiss and made her signature peace sign. I just spent the last 40 min reviewing the entries I made the past two years on this date.
I am better than I was.
I still have loss but it is getting better to deal with.
I think I am forgetting some things. I am afraid I am forgetting how much I miss him. I dont want to forget... anything. Maybe just more comfortable with the constant discomfort.
I explained to a friend it is like having a rock in your shoe, every time you take a step it pinches, you can kick it around in there and move it but it still hurts just in a different spot. Just when you forget you had a rock in your shoe, it hits your right in heel. Fucker that hurts,,, yeah I know.
OK so here it is.
Dad, Happy Birthday wherever you are. I hope you are hanging with some of your old cronies, maybe some lemon merinque pie a cold beer and a few good thoughts of us. I am officially trying to do right. I hope you can see that. I have visions of you like it was yesterday, but then other times you've been gone forever.
Either way, please be somewhere nice, waiting for us. I am looking forward to seeing you again and sitting with you, chatting again.
I would love to give you something nice for your birthday, I dont know what I would get you but I hope it would make you laugh.
We may not say it out loud but we are all missing you everyday. I think you know that.
Either way you are surely with your Mom tonight, your Dad, brother. They can have you for now, We will all be together again someday.
Love you, why not visit me in my dreams tonight, that would make me happy.
Night. Love your Suzie.

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