Flaming June's Love

Did I mention lately that I love love love my husband. He got me some beautiful and thoughtful gifts this Christmas. I asked for a toaster. Got it. He got a dvd player for the car for Jack. He got me pony holders for my hair and a flat screen tv for our family room in the new house to put above the fireplace. I mentioned it was something I wanted "someday" for that room and there it was christmas morning. I dont love him for the stuff, I love him for the thinking about the stuff. He has been working everyday, everyday including christmas to get this house ready for us. We are so close to there I cant taste it. last night I helped him for a few hours with the hard wood floors. We work together pretty well. He has invested blood sweat and tears into every inch of that house and THAT... THAT IS LOVE.

You know those videos on tv of people falling down hills or on bikes out of control and they just FALL? OK well thats me right now, we are moving in exactly one week. I am packing stuff everywhere there are boxes filled with who knows what in every room. I have Jack at my Moms as often as possible so he doesnt get hurt. Yeah life, is definately headed to the new place and I think.... Its going to be ok. In the process I have found girls work since kindergarten. Anniversary and birthday cards since 1990. I had one on the top of the pile from Tim circa 1998 10 year anniversary card and it was truly filled with LOVE. I am sorry for hurting him. truly. Regrets I have to work on this new year. I need to start to forgive myself. ANd hopefully be a better person. I cried alot today. Many memories I found and enjoyed. I wish everyone all that is good if I dotnwrie again for a while.

I have so much to say. My heart is so full. I spent my Christmas with my entire family and everyone I could mention or muster loving thoughts of I saw today. My brother Dave had my grandfathers films transferred to dvd. He chose film from the early 60's and film from the mid 70's. That menat that I did get to spend Christmas with my grandparents, my parents, my brothers, Aunts and Uncles that have been gone for years. The film was alot of Christmas. Ironically we spent our Christmas watching our long lost relatives come through the front door of my grandparents house silently mouthing Merry Christmas. Here we were 30 and 40 years later saying the same thing to all of them. My parents really, REALLY young. My brothers teenagers. Me about 12, and ten. braces in some, a few summer films. Just so so so good. I know Dave will be reading this within the next few days and all I can say is that you made my Christmas wish come true. I spent my day with our grandparents, and our ...

I watched a movie and have obviously stayed up later than usual. I watched Evening with Claire Danes and a whole bunch of amazing actors. It was an intersting flick about a dying womans last days and the memories that come back to her, along with some of the "visitors" that come to hre in her last days. I rememebr the nurse telling me that my dad had "visitors" on the Saturday night before he died. I asked what that meant she reassured me that he had loved ones come to see him in the night and he chatted with them and watched them walk about his room and he was more "awake" than she had seen him. It was a long night of visitors she told me. I think that was her way of saying it was time to let him go. He was gone after that night. He was no longer fighting. Almost peaceful. I still get that scared, panic feeling fleeting over me that he is gone and worse of all that he suffered. I just had it now, shit. Anyway the movie. The long and short of it i...

Everyone has em. But if you asked two people from the same time they would have different recollections. My family will attest tot he fact that I am not a surprise kinda gal. I am terrible with happy secrets. ( I can keep a serious secret but if it is a good surprise I am terrible) I have been a present peeker since I figured out there wasnt a santa. My Mom hid gifts as well as possible in a house with four kids and NO ROOM. I found them every year in the basement covered in blankets. I never ever had surprises. Even the year of the bicycle it wasnt surprised. I was visiting my moms friends house and there in her basement was a pink sparkly bike. I was maybe ten and figured it had to be mine. I didnt mention it to anyone and there it was Christmas morning in the living room. One year when I was on the cusp of santa vs. no santa, I asked for a baby Alive. Everyone wanted one and I saw it on TV all the time. I knew it cost alot of money so I could never get it cuz we were no...

Pictures from last night and today. The first is Jack hanging out having some popcorn before bed and watching Santa Movies. He is really just soo cute and soo wild at times. I took him to see the Big Santa at the Mall and he was so excited. Until it was his turn and man he threw the breaks on. He had been dancing in the line and jumping up and down waving blowing kisses, then Santa said "cmon over Jack" Not a chance. He freaked and took offf down the aisle of the mall. Missi is working diligently on her gifts for her friends. She began with clay and formed lil critters. fired them on the oven and is pictured painting them up. Truly she is talented and patient and more than I am in theat field. I so love her. Allie had a headache last night and said Im going to take a "quick" nap. Well she laid down at 430 and we all did our thing around her in the LR. Andy worked, I cooked, Missi worked on her critters and Jack was a dancing Santa watching singing elf. S...

How easy it seems sometimes for me to think that I am just "here" I may be just here, at the moment lookin at a half packed house and a half decorated tree with half written Christmas cards. But you know what I am? I am so much a part of this entire world. I have contributed so much to this world that is truly inspiring. I may not have personally changed th world persay, but trust me.. these children are going to make their part in the grand scheme known. Then I think about my extended family that is all to evident at this time of year with Cards and exchanges and visits that will be happenin in the next few weeks. Our family began with four sisters. My grandmother the oldest of the four. Her name was Alice. She lived on the left side of a two family house and this nice young man named Joe lived on the other. They ended up marrying and having three children. My mother ALice being the oldest. My mom grew up on the left side of the family house and her grandparents rem...

Missi Jack and I were sitting in the couch and I heard the back door open. In walked my girl Allie! She got a ride home a day early without me knowing. My holidays have officially begun, She literally walked in with about 7 garbage bags of laundry. I love seeing all my kids in one place. We watched crazy tv together last nigh while lounging on the couch. What makes it even more fun today is that Missi has a snow day so we are all off and going to cook and bake and then they are going out in the snow hopefully if we get enough. I iwll attach pics later today. I really hope to get some shopping done today with my girls and maybe my Mom/ I need to find someone to watch Jack for a few hours. His eyes are very red again and gunky so I need to give the Doc a call as soon as the office opens. I am happy today.

As you can see my Missi was gorgeous at her concert and sang like a bird. She has hit her stride and is more sassy and beautiful than ever. You cant really tell but her hair is the color of cherry coke and she is the COOLEST CHICK ever.

I am so excited for my girl to be home for the holidays. I miss her more than I thought I would. I have attached a few pics from college. She is a college cheerleader and she seems to like it. I think she looks awesome and surely the prettiest girl in the bunch. (I am partial ya think?) She is so full of hope and excitement for her life and I cant help but feel it and get excited foe her. And me. The other is from Carole night at the college. Since it is a catholic university they participate in the whole thing and although it may not be p.c. anymore I LOVE IT!!!! I love that she participates in church activities and the caroleing and vespers and mass events. It is good for the soul no matter what religion you are to believe in SOMETHING bigger and better than we are. I cant help but notice how glowing she is. beautiful

eah it is that time again. I looked back to last year and there it was... The night I made bread last year. I make it every year and give it all out ot hte neighbors. I have 8 mini loaf pans and that was just right for the number of neighbor Itake care of. Well Ionly need 6 this year. Mrs AMith died in the spring. My Maryellen died Jan 10 th of 2007. Almost a year without her. I am sad today and missing my friend. We would bitch about he cost of the girls things and then overdo it every year. We would cook and bake together and then compare notes on what we had to offer everyone. She made an awesome strawberry pretzel salad. I know it sounds crazy bit ssooo good and so her. I miss her. I miss my Dad. I hear our song every few minutes on the readio and evry single time I cry. I am attaching the words and you will agree it a song about being here in spirit if not able to be here in body. Love you Dad. Christmas Song, I'll Be Home For Christmas Lyrics Looking for Christ...

My Girl Missi. I have spent alot of time trying to get to..... you know that time, place, period... in my life. I have reached those places and surpassed them and then... find myself back at the same place again because I didnt realize I was there already. OK Ill try again. Get the girls toa certain age without being pregnant, arrested, in rehab, and then I will be OK. Well we did that. Now I am goin through that area again with Missi. I havent had any problems with either of my girls and now I am relaxing enough with Missi to enjoy this time in her life. She was out tonight with a friend to a hockey game. She came home and I asked her how it was if she saw anyone she knew and it wasnt until I kissed her goodnight that I realized that I didnt feel the need to interrogate. Why? because I TRUST HER. Allie is at school and has taken her last class this semester. She has all her finals next week so she is "studying" all weekend. I wonder how much beer is necessary to pass ...

My old house was inspected today and all looks good for the sale. I met with the buyers again and they are really nice. A young woman and a boyfriend. I am ok with them. I am attaching new pics from the house at night and Missi and her friends from her party. I will w rite more on another night or maybe later.