Flaming June's Love

The pics I posted this am I wanted to tell you about. The first pic is Allie at her LAST HS Basketball game. She cheered her last game in Allentown last weekend and Joe the neighbor and I went to see it. It was bittersweet to say the least. I am excited for her to go to college but then again HS with my girls has been so good and enjoyable. The handsome young man next to Allie is Je the neighbor. He and Allie hav ebeen best friends for about six years. Allie and he have a relationship that is truly a joy to watch. They have never taken their friendship anywhere but friends, but Joe has said that he and Allie will someday get married. He loves her and knows she loves him she just doesnt know it yet. HMMMM I like that. I love Joe like a son. His father died 6 years ago in a terrible accident and since then he has been almost one of my own. He was always skinny short inconspicuous JOE. Now Joe the neighbor is 6'1" thin but obviously a young George Clooney. I love t...

I was telling hubby how I love to work with the pictures of the kids and tweek em and send them to people so he bought me new software. I hardly ever complain but I preferred the old software. He reinstalled it so now I have some new pics that I have goofed around with. Thanks Andy.

The boy has a runny nose and I think his ears might be bothering him he had a blueberry muffing this am and some applesauce and something hit him the wrong way... can you tell. milk and muffing with a smattering of apple sauce on his shirt and face, and cheeks. I guess taking pictures of a 20 month old while they are screaming is considered abuse LOL but I think he is so gorgeous and even his screaming has content!!!! Blond hair is just soo funny. This morning Andy and I and Jack were lying in his bed. Yup the car bed with the crib mattress Andy Suzie and Jack in it. A matter vs. space. vs. gravity event but we did it! anyway the sunlight coming through his window hitting Jacks hair had it looking red. good god this boy is a true conglomeration of gene pool. Now the shoe picture. These are my Dads work shoes and Jacks work shoes next to one another. Allie wears the boots when she shovels snow and Jacks were just sitting there next to his. Almost like they walked in ...

I had a jewelry party last night here at the house and it went well. I really dont care too much about the jewelry moreso having people over. It went really nice and it gave me an opportunity- no- a reason to do the spring cleaning. I dont know what to write about anymore. I think I am empty. I have things on my mind but they all sound so insignificant that I dont want to bother writing about them. Everyone is healthy other than a runny nose with Jack. Andy is fine and helpful as ever. He is taking a nap and the boy is playing with a musical thing that has gone for at least ten minutes. He keeps pushing the button and it plays over and over again. Tomorrow Andy and I are going out for the day with the boy. I need some grown up time I think.

Hey Dad , Its Suzie. First of all I really hope you remember who I am because I have spent alot of time praying for you about you and us as a family. I would be really bummed if the whole reincarnation thing was true and you are back down on earth as a bug or beast or some kid in a faraway land. My other concern is that if I do get there before too long are you going to remember who I am. Will what we had here mean anything to you then? Does it matter to you that I got the records from the hospital about what happenend to you here in the hospital? I know it wont bring you back but I want something from this. Comfort, peace, explanation, knowledge. I can bet money it doesnt mean shit to you now. I never thought you would have an answering machine where your at Mom is in New Mexico at Ricky's house visiting for a month. I am so proud of her. She got on that plane by herself and transferred planes and had delays from weather and she did it. I am so proud of her. You are ...

I held my breath and smelled in my nose. I looked at your face and down to your toes. A swirl of green and blue was flying above your head. I know that there were angels floating above the bed. Come over me come over me show me the way, How can there ever be a Dadless day? The swirling blue green angels are churning the hours I hold on, gaze into your eyes, those eyes are ours. "Can you feel it daddy we are surrounded by love?" Its the love you two made and now will share with above. As swirling blue green misties encircle all our minds. We hold onto each other and let you go to find your finds. Our prayers we whispered our pain we cried aloud, We know you heard us tell you how forever we have been proud. I think Mothers arms wide open and fathers heart full of pride, Are the visions you saw while we on earth cried. The defining moment when you looked at each of us with love, Your mind and soul still with us for last seconds then gone. Your smell it lingers in my heart and...

Had a long post ready to go and pouf it was gone. fuckers ate it at Blogger I guess it was that good. Now Ive lost my motivation and steam. It was good too, about the boy at daycare, and our new house, and I got my dads medical records and all that that entails. I feel drained and shitty. Anyway a few pics and Ill rewrite tonight with the details of it all. Nothing bad just feelings I had that seemed to flow.

My handsome boy My crying really pissed off boy when daddy left Allie with black under her eyes from the game during the day with the boy outside at about 9pm thats how much snow there is, it looks like daytime doesnt it?

This is such a strange spring. I was so intent on the flowers scratching their way through the dirt and taking a look around that I forgot about the potential of a friggin foot of snow!!!!! My daffodils and crocus's and joquils have light green stalks in the front of the house. Or had anyway. Now they are all covered with snow. It really shouldnt take too long to melt I dont think. The sun at the moment is shining and hopefully simmering away the snow. Hubby went out last night to the friendly sons of Ireland dinner. Just a quickie for those who dont know our last name ends in SKI! Are WE Irish.? hmm... I am my children are. Andy has some but are we officially I dont think so. My girls are Bailey's, yup first hubby was and remains Irish. My heritage is English, welsh and Irish. Jack is a mutt. I am calling him that with a smile on my face and love in my heart though!!! My dear friend Maryellen was 100% Irish. It was a tradition tog o to her house every ST pattie...

IF YOU KNOW ANDY YOU KNOW HOW HYSTERICAL THIS PIC IS OF JACK ON THE COMPUTER, NAKED, INTENSE. JACKS FIRST HAIRCUT AND HIS FIRST LOLLIPOP ALLIE AND JACK I LOVE THIS PIC WITH THE EYEBALLS.. All I can say is the f'ing show is a killer. I jut laughed my head off. The show was pretty good throughout but the end with Izzy and George Just shoot me. How many people have slept with their best friend and only to kick themselves later. The look on her face is priceless. I laughed really hard. Now I may not have the same experience exactly but I have done and said things that I shouldnt have when I was under the influence. Then again some of my greatest memories are those times. Nothing more to say on that topic. I am now watching the new show October road. Looks cute Ill write again tomorrow.

Jack woke up last night around 12 midnight. He was just awake barely but I heard him rambling and talking to himself so I went in.. There he was sitting in his bed holding his silky blanket (One from my girls that accidently got dyed pink in my washing escapades..) and just sitting and chatting. No specific words just chatter. Andy was in there with me and we both just eminated light, love, and amazement at the boy we brought into this world. My husband is so tender for such a big man. He tells our son how much he loves him daily. There was a new spectacle of beauty in Andy's eyes the day Jack was born. So I found Jacks binky as Andy held and rocked Jack. Jacks hands holding Daddys fingers and touching Daddys face. Jack got back into the bed and I laid down with him. He fits perfectly in my arms and backs up against me and falls asleep in moments. The smell of him, the sound of sleep of a child. sort of sweaty warm, sweet smell. tinged with milk and peanut butter from...

First and foremost my beautiful friend Amy commented on my last post and if no one else reads knowing that she see's is almost enough. She is truly my dearest friend and closest to my heart. When I have been truly lost, deep dark places, she was there. She is on the road to becoming a doctor and when we met she was in a bad relationship and barely getting by. Now she has blossomed into a college student graduating in May and on her way to Med school. If there is pride there is in my love for her. I remember sitting on my livingroom floor a few years back and looking through the papers for college and telling her to go for it. I love her that much. Hubby is hacking up a lung periodically. He is officially sick. I am a naysayer when it comes to being sick. Youre not sick unless there is fever and green stuff from somewhere. He has both. I made him some hot tea and he drank it, yup hes sick. Every so often I hear a muttered "aarggghh" from somewhere, he is sick....

Missi was so kind to inform me that my use of Peak was incorrect. Peak is a noun, ex" the Peak of the mountain. Peek is a verb:ex Have a peek into my window. The 12 grand Andy plunked down for her tuition is showing. here are two pics from Jacks attendance at Cousin Charlies party. Jack decided to wear his Hawaiian shirt in light of the occasion. The last photo was from this am when Missi and Jack decided to snuggle and watch some cartoons together. She loves her booger.

My girl with the amazing blue eyes and more amazing disposition. My boy this past summer with the same look as his sister, do you see it!? The boy readying himself to speak to the head of state concerning global warming.... The boy discussing plans concerning relations in the mideast with his chief adviser while snacking on a taxicab. My Allie and her guy, can you see love there!? I do and it makes me happy. All is well, Jack and I are going to cousin Charlies party tonight. I dont like driving in the dark but it will be fun to hang with the sister in laws.

A beautiful woman

The boy and I are alone for the weekend. The "big guy" is away at National Guard weekend. I admire him for his commitment to the country. 4 years in the Navy as a Corpsman, then the last twenty or so i the guard and Naval reserves. He went to Saudi Arabia i 91, and really did his thing there. I truly believe he is a man with a lifetime of story to tell. So The man is away. Missi is with her posse' having a weekend sleepover birthday shindig. They are an unusually curious and quirky bunch. They call themselves the fab five. The odd squad. Her friend that is having the party loves halloween so they had a masquerade halloween party. costumes, trick or treating stuff. all out good time I wish I could have gone I would have been Pam anderson. Allie is at Nana's house with the BOYFRIEND for the night. Yup Nana is away and her boyfriend is staying over and I am allowing it and not bothering them. That would never have happened in my day. OK here are the choic...

I spoke to an old old old friend today. One of those people that know you from day one. The person you cant absolutely cant bullshit. She knows when you were at your worst and was there, and when you were at your best - and was there too. Whether she was with me physically or spiritually emotionally whatever the defining words are... She was there. As we chatted I was reminded of times way back in the cracks and crevices of grey matter. Weekends spent at her house. Friday after school we , the three of us, the wild the willing and the innocent, would trek to her house and camp literally camp in her room for three days. I know we listened to Heart, loverboy and rick springfield for the one we called the willing. I didnt have many likes at the time, or dislikes, I really had no independent thought at all. I was the sheltered youngest of four that couldnt order a sandwich at the deli for fear of fucking up. I dont remember what we talked about, I know we smoked cigarettes played ...

I am waiting for answers to questions without words. The questions are feelings and pain that have no end. I pray that when my time comes and if there is a heaven my father will have forgotten my shortcomings. I hope he remembers me as a good loving daughter that cried for him everyday since he left us. I hope my children's beauty and passion for life reflects on my life as being successful. Wherever he is let him be happy, content, resting,. Please dont let him miss us, that is a thought that haunts me. His blue eyes blinking back tears at the end of his life. I want to be there again to touch him and comfort him and hold him. I want to see him and tell I am so sorry for the end of his life being so soon. I am sorry, hot tears that take my breath away and change my heartbeat, make me bite my tongue and make it bleed.

I love the way they all look. Peaceful, resting, comfortable. I know that. I am here looking at the boy chewing on a block, Missi watching a cartoon, Allie listening to her ipod and my guy in th bathroom.! My life is good.