a cold day....
I spoke to an old old old friend today. One of those people that know you from day one. The person you cant absolutely cant bullshit. She knows when you were at your worst and was there, and when you were at your best - and was there too. Whether she was with me physically or spiritually emotionally whatever the defining words are... She was there.
As we chatted I was reminded of times way back in the cracks and crevices of grey matter. Weekends spent at her house.
Friday after school we , the three of us, the wild the willing and the innocent, would trek to her house and camp literally camp in her room for three days. I know we listened to Heart, loverboy and rick springfield for the one we called the willing. I didnt have many likes at the time, or dislikes, I really had no independent thought at all. I was the sheltered youngest of four that couldnt order a sandwich at the deli for fear of fucking up. I dont remember what we talked about, I know we smoked cigarettes played backgammon ( which I dont remember now) and shared something.
The three of us, were, different.
different from each other in everyway, and different from everyone else.
The wild- she was 16 going on 30. Dating and falling in love with a twenty something year old man. She is married to him still 25 years later. The one we were convinced would be an actress, famous writer or model is the housewife, mom. and happy with it.
The willing- She would do anything, without a reaction either way. "roastbeef, turkey or jump off the roof? whatever I'll try it." Smart, bookwise, sometimes commonsense lacking. Turns out she knew what I was thinking when I didnt say anything. She is the single mom with a beautiful daughter and challenges around every corner. But truly in all my heart the best strongest FIGHTER> She doesnt quit.
The innocent- Me. I didnt have much to add to things, conversations, atmosphere, opinion. But if you looked under my mattress at home, I was overflowing with poems and artwork that I scratched daily pining for adulthood and free thought. I was not squashed, yet I didnt know I could. I found out the long way around, I am now learning I can. I did, I have.
How did we turn out. Nothing nothing like we thought. Does that make it bad? somedays yes.
I had plans of living in a city why? because no one would want to marry me. I wasnt smart, pretty or intriguing. So I was sure I would be alone cat lady in the city typing out letters.
Hmm I know I will marry this really reliable, friendly, predictable man. Did it then all hell broke loose. I discovered that was not me. Long story short, Here I am;
iF i COULD GO BACK JUST ONE DAY IN hs IN mILLBURN nj, 1984----
One day at 17 again, hmmm alot of people would get the "i know you better than you know you" look. and then go home and kiss my mom and dad and watch tv with them, smell the house, enjoy my moms dinner and listen to the boys for one more day. I would sit on my bed with the pink patchwork quily and write in my journal
YOUR LIFE WILL BE AN ADVENTURE, FULL OF HEARTACHE AND DISAPPOINTMENT, BUT THE LOVE YOU WILL ENCOUNTER WILL SO FAR OUTWEIGH ALL THAT. BE CAREFUL OF PEOPLE THAT SMILE TOO MUCH AND SAY THEY KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. TAKE CARE OF YOUR FEELINGS MORE. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR HEART. YOU ARE PRETTY, BEAUTIFUL AND YOUR SOUL IS NEVERENDINGLY FASCINATING.
YOUR CHARACTER CAN USE SOME POLISH IN YOUR EARLY THIRTIES, SO REMEMBER TO SAY THANNK YOU TO THOSE WHO HELP YOU PICK UP THE PIECES.
FINALLY DONT SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT YOURSELF IN FRONT OF YOUR CHILDREN, YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO THEM AND DAMAGING YOURSELF PUTS A SCAR ON THEIR SPIRIT.
NOW GET OFF THE BED YOU SILLY 16 YEAR OLD GIRL AND TELL YOUR DAD THANK YOU FOR WORKING SO HARD AND BEING A GOOD MAN, AND KISS YOUR MOM AND TELL HER YOU NOTICE HOW BEAUTIFUL SHE LOOKS EVERYDAY. THEY ARE EXAMPLE OF LOVE ON EARTH AND ANYTHING GOOD I AM COMES FROM THEIR ENCOURAGEMENT AND LOVE.
YOU WILL BE OK AND LIFE IS NOT ALWAYS FAIR BUT IT DOES ALWAYS COME AROUND TO RIGHT.
As we chatted I was reminded of times way back in the cracks and crevices of grey matter. Weekends spent at her house.
Friday after school we , the three of us, the wild the willing and the innocent, would trek to her house and camp literally camp in her room for three days. I know we listened to Heart, loverboy and rick springfield for the one we called the willing. I didnt have many likes at the time, or dislikes, I really had no independent thought at all. I was the sheltered youngest of four that couldnt order a sandwich at the deli for fear of fucking up. I dont remember what we talked about, I know we smoked cigarettes played backgammon ( which I dont remember now) and shared something.
The three of us, were, different.
different from each other in everyway, and different from everyone else.
The wild- she was 16 going on 30. Dating and falling in love with a twenty something year old man. She is married to him still 25 years later. The one we were convinced would be an actress, famous writer or model is the housewife, mom. and happy with it.
The willing- She would do anything, without a reaction either way. "roastbeef, turkey or jump off the roof? whatever I'll try it." Smart, bookwise, sometimes commonsense lacking. Turns out she knew what I was thinking when I didnt say anything. She is the single mom with a beautiful daughter and challenges around every corner. But truly in all my heart the best strongest FIGHTER> She doesnt quit.
The innocent- Me. I didnt have much to add to things, conversations, atmosphere, opinion. But if you looked under my mattress at home, I was overflowing with poems and artwork that I scratched daily pining for adulthood and free thought. I was not squashed, yet I didnt know I could. I found out the long way around, I am now learning I can. I did, I have.
How did we turn out. Nothing nothing like we thought. Does that make it bad? somedays yes.
I had plans of living in a city why? because no one would want to marry me. I wasnt smart, pretty or intriguing. So I was sure I would be alone cat lady in the city typing out letters.
Hmm I know I will marry this really reliable, friendly, predictable man. Did it then all hell broke loose. I discovered that was not me. Long story short, Here I am;
iF i COULD GO BACK JUST ONE DAY IN hs IN mILLBURN nj, 1984----
One day at 17 again, hmmm alot of people would get the "i know you better than you know you" look. and then go home and kiss my mom and dad and watch tv with them, smell the house, enjoy my moms dinner and listen to the boys for one more day. I would sit on my bed with the pink patchwork quily and write in my journal
YOUR LIFE WILL BE AN ADVENTURE, FULL OF HEARTACHE AND DISAPPOINTMENT, BUT THE LOVE YOU WILL ENCOUNTER WILL SO FAR OUTWEIGH ALL THAT. BE CAREFUL OF PEOPLE THAT SMILE TOO MUCH AND SAY THEY KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. TAKE CARE OF YOUR FEELINGS MORE. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR HEART. YOU ARE PRETTY, BEAUTIFUL AND YOUR SOUL IS NEVERENDINGLY FASCINATING.
YOUR CHARACTER CAN USE SOME POLISH IN YOUR EARLY THIRTIES, SO REMEMBER TO SAY THANNK YOU TO THOSE WHO HELP YOU PICK UP THE PIECES.
FINALLY DONT SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT YOURSELF IN FRONT OF YOUR CHILDREN, YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO THEM AND DAMAGING YOURSELF PUTS A SCAR ON THEIR SPIRIT.
NOW GET OFF THE BED YOU SILLY 16 YEAR OLD GIRL AND TELL YOUR DAD THANK YOU FOR WORKING SO HARD AND BEING A GOOD MAN, AND KISS YOUR MOM AND TELL HER YOU NOTICE HOW BEAUTIFUL SHE LOOKS EVERYDAY. THEY ARE EXAMPLE OF LOVE ON EARTH AND ANYTHING GOOD I AM COMES FROM THEIR ENCOURAGEMENT AND LOVE.
YOU WILL BE OK AND LIFE IS NOT ALWAYS FAIR BUT IT DOES ALWAYS COME AROUND TO RIGHT.
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