Flaming June's Love

OK so the post with the song and lyrics about my father chair, yeah sad shit I know. But honestly I feel pretty good today. I woke with the lingering vision of him from a last minute dream I had. He was wearing his worn out blue jeans, red suspenders a blue plaid shirt and his old dirty work boots. He was wearing a babseball cap and he was normal and happy. We were out the mountain and he was sitting on the swing in the back of the house. I dont recall a conversation, just a feeling that all was well. So I woke with a picture of him in my mind when everything was fine. I am getting better I think. That is not to say I am not missing him or the life we had of "nothing bad ever happens to us", but I am able to have happy thoughts and memories. Took Jack to church this morning. We have been going on Sunday mornings for a number of reasons. First he has to go during school and he was very misbehaved the last time.. Sister requested he not attend church with thte class ...

My father's chair's still standing there All alone since the long night Now it's three years on and I still feel He'll come home, we'll be alright So where's this healing time brings I was told the pain would ease But it still hurts like the first night That night my brother, my mother and I Were looking up at a distant star And wishing we could reach that far And back in the house And alone for the first time We told each other we cared We avoided my father's chair I watch my family, we hold on We are strong and we'll be alright The clock continues counting down, All the while And every child will share the long night But do the spirits meet again Why am I still so filled with doubt Is my soul everlasting And the far distant future When I knew you'd be gone Came too fast and stays too long Why do they leave the weak of spirit And take the strong But wherein the world turns sour And I get sick from the smell And I can't find no comfort there I cl...

OK a few memories to round out my day. Rain- I close my eyes and listen to it and I am back out the mountain listening to rain hit the tin roof. It was gentle, soothing, and at times deafening. It was sweet and I dont know anywhere else we will ever hear rain THAT way. The smell of rain, I can close my eyes and smell rain and it brings me back to my childhood in NJ. I had my bed right next to the wall and I could curl around my bed so that my head was right under the open window. As it rained it would mist through the screen and land on my face. The smell was always a mix of fresh rain and aluminum. Yes aluminum. The smell of the wet screen, just the thought of that smell brings me comfort. The sound of thunder. It can bring me to the farm living with Tim and the girls. we would sit in the family room with the back door open and listen to the thunder almost surround the farm. Thunder out the mountain with my Pop on the porch. We would watch and wait for the storm to arrive an...

I wish I had the passion for the whole Blog thing again. I dont what happened but it is gone. I think of things to write about and then lose the umphh to get it going. Here are a few of the ideas Ive had but cant seem to get them off the ground. 1. My obsession with what I wore to every occasion demanding to dress "up" I want to list the even and then recite the dress that I wore to each event, (exciting huh?) 2. If I had a million dollars what would I buy? 3. The thing that made me laugh the hardest this week was? 4. The reason I wanted to take the bridge this week was? 5. I think fresh air is the greatest invention since... fresh air. 6. When someone tells you "You wont beleive this?" and you guess it before they start talking. 7. When I am lecturing and people whisper or talk to themselves, pick their nose, scratch their private areas, HELLO IM IN THE FRONT OF THE ROOM I SEE EVERYTHING YOU BUTTHEAD! 8. How when I see movies like, Blues broth...

I am going to say it out loud right here and now. Jack has been diagnosed with ADD ADHD. SO there. Its out. He was evaluated again, by a child psychologist and he fit the criteria. So now what. So now we stick to a plan of attack and get this boy on a healthy path to coping with these symptoms. As we google the hell out of this we are finding that there is a way to get through this. It wont always be easy but we will make sure this boy grows to be the man he was intended to be. In the process we have applied for the assistance of a TSS worker. This is Therapeutic Staff Support. A person that will attend class with Jack and be his own little helper. Help him with any of the times he may have episodes of needing to focus they will be there to teach him how to cope with these symptoms. The plan is two years of intensive TSS and therapy at home we will get him through this. A few short words to start this adventure. A few short words to express my feelings of Jack Having a "DIAG...

On Letting Go author unknown To "let go" does not mean to stop caring. It means I can't do it for someone else. To "let go" is not to cut myself off. It's the realization that I can't control another. To "let go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands. To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another. It's to make the most of myself. To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about. To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive. To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being. To "let go" is not to be in the middle, arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies. To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept. To "let go" is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them. To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to ...

I WROTE THIS ABOUT MYSELF ABOUT A YEAR AGO. I WAS ATTEMPTING TO START A NEW BLOG WHICH NEVER KICKED OFF. I AM KINDA FUNNY. IT IS STILL ALL TRUE, WHICH IS KINDA SAD. I am a 43 year old wife/mother/nurse and hoochie mama as my husband loves to call me. I blog for cathartic reward. I read other blogs for insight into my own life. I have a 20 year old daughter, and 18 year old daughter and three year old son. This combination assuredly qualifies me for some amount of respect, if not a few warmhearted chuckles sent my way. I survived a massive heart attack after the birth of our son at the age of 39. I am in a daily struggle with my mortality and my wish for some really good cake without fat, cholesterol, or calories. The treadmill, albeit a lifeline to surviving heart disease is at this moment my nemesis. My motivation to keep it together happens to be the very things that challenge my sanilty. My beautiful, loving, funny, family. They are beyond what makes me tick, they are my clo...