Flaming June's Love

Thats all, Im ready to wake up now, Im not enjoying this part of the trip.

Yeah thats me. Im totally skewered. Shish kabob like. I am torn right through my middle with about ten different people that just cut right through me. Jack is at an all time high for driving me crazy. I am torn between thinking he is magically delicious and pathologically demented. I got a call from his teacher today but didnt know it until 8 at night, so I am of course stressing about the topic of this phone call in the am. It could go anywhere from aggressive behavior, ocd behaviors, add adhd or just plain JACKism's. I am so afraid to see him grow up. If he is what keeps me up at night with anxiety what will 15 look like? Missi will be leaving for college in a few weeks. She isnt fussing at all about it. I am not thinking about it too much since "the boy" is up my ass every hour he is awake. She is the child that doesnt ask for anything, but also waits until the last minute for things she NEEDS. Allie is fine and working awaiting anxiously the beginning o fher n...

1. I’ve come to realize that my chest-size… insanely huge with its own zip code 2. I’ve come to realize that my job… means alot to other people but losing its appeal for me. 3. I’ve come to realize that when I’m driving… I am getting places without memory of the trip. 4. I’ve come to realize that I need… a soundproof booth. 5. I’ve come to realize that I have lost… alot- but nothing that cant be reasoned away. 6. I’ve come to realize that I hate… not having control. 7. I’ve come to realize that if I’m drunk… I surely had vodka! 8. I’ve come to realize that money… is always someone elses. 9. I’ve come to realize that certain people… deserve better, others deserve nothing 10. I’ve come to realize that I’ll always… wish it were different. 11. I’ve come to realize that my sibling(s)… make me grateful. 12. I’ve come to realize that my mom… is irreplaceable. 13. I’ve come to realize that my cell phone… is just a portable phone to me. 14. I’ve come to realize that when I woke up this morning…...

“If you wish to experience peace, provide peace for another.” Tenzin Gyatso God works in mysterious ways. The day before Drew's party Jack had a fever and a wicked "something" brewing. Andy called his step mom and explained we would most likely not make it to his Fahters 70 th birthday party. I had wished for an event or small illness to prevent our going to their home. It happened. We had the perfect out. We were free to do whatever else we wanted with our Saturday. I didnt have to be with a man that I felt/feel has been a terrible Father to my husband. Andy has been sad, angry, lonely, and missed alot not having a present Father. That said, for me, this party was... monumental. The morning of the party we discussed Jacks condition and he was apparently WELL. The opportunity for Andy to meet his SISTER FOR THE FIRST TIME was awaiting him two hours away. (Andy has a much younger half sister he had never met until Saturday, she is a child from a marriage following the...