Flaming June's Love

I have been through alot, kids, marriages, deaths, loss of friends, and a tangle with the here after. Prior to all that shtuff I was a typical girl who worried about how I looked and, in turn, interested in who was looking at me. I was never a stunningly gorgeous girl, but I must admit I was attractive and charming. People thought I was funny, smart and had an attractive figure. I remain, smart, and funny, but I dont quite have the figure I used to. I miss it. I miss feeling people look at me. I knew when men watched me and I would play somewhat oblivious and at the last minute pass a look or wink. Most of all I could smile at anyone. I smiled at young women, old men, kids, anyone. I think that was just my thing. I wasnt pretty to the point of being intimidating, but attractive enough that people looked at me. I dont have it anymore. I am smart, funny and entertaining. But I am not the one that the a man thinks to take home with him for the night. I know I shouldn't car...

And the apples are nice too.

I lived in East Stroudsburg PA 6 months after we were married. I was newly pregnant and 22 years old. I had lived with my Mom from day one and away at college had the mighty meal ticket. I tried to make "meals" for my husband but honestly I had NO F*&^ing clue where to start. There were ramen dinners, spaghetti and lots and lots of fried bologna. My Father used to go back and forth between PA and NJ periodically for meetings at the firehouse. Our home was halfway between. Dad would stop by and visit for a few minutes then I would ask if he wanted coffee? "sure, Ill take a cup." I would get a new pot going and then sit again at the kitchen table to chat about the news from wherever he had been. I would pour his coffee and he would ask me to make it "like yours" I always had whole milk and real sugar in the house. Real butter and real eggs were rationed sine his cholesterol and waistline were growing since his retirement. Anytime he would vis...

Rain is pummeling the house. If I looked outside there must be stones falling from the sky. Jack and Andy went for their Saturday morning dippies. Of course you know dippies are grilled cheese sandwiches with ketchup on the side. They went to the hockey game last night and I went out with Joann for sushi and a couple sakitini's. I am now sitting here with a house that is quiet and relatively clean since the boys stayed in bed for a bit longer today since it was cartoons with fruit snacks. I want to go to the grocery store, maybe get a big fat roast to throw in the crock pot with maybe a pie to make this afternoon. I enjoy the cooking, more importantly I love to watch anyone eat what I made. There is so much LOVE poured into any meal that is made with someone else in mind. I can imagine Andy eating a hunk of pot roast with mashed taters and glazed carrots. That in turn makes me want to cook it. I can see Jack asking for "More, Mommy, More please." HHHUUUUUURRRRY!!!!...

Im hungry, but feel sick to my stomach. I hope I am not brewing some funk. Andy is away all week and that is usually a necessary evil accompanied by my own tv at night and any music in the kitchen I want. Problem being that if I am sick or the boy is sick I am pretty much the one and only. Its going to be ok though because I have free HBO and Cinemax for the next month or so. Along with a thousand books I need to read, hours at the gym, notes to write, blogging to do, people to reconnect with, bloodwork to have done (fasting). Oh yeah so I have alot to do but, I have free HBO this month. Enough said.