Flaming June's Love

So much to say and update. I have alot that has happened but I havent had the mojo to write. The stifled, constipated writing hopefully has been jossled loose by new light. Literally. Spring has sprung and I want to feel new. I want a fresh start and encourage fresh thoughts that enter my mind. Allie's thyroid growths were benign and that is truly blessing. Allie received her admission letter from Temple and I again have to prepare my heart for her departure. I can look back to fall of 2007 to revisit the process of letting go but I think this time will be different. She has been my comrade for the past year and a half. My friend. We have had a few issues but usually it is because of attempts to protect the other from situations or hurt feelings. I so want her to be successful and happy and do her thing, but I selfishly dont want her to leave. I have a feeling that if she goes now I wont get her back again. That is what I asked for isnt it? I seem to be getting everyt...

I want to write but I am stifled. Jammed up, constipated, bound and caught. My baby Allie has two nodules on the left side of her thyroid. We have to see a specialist to decide to biopsy, remove, whatever. I am a fighter, I am a survivor. This would kill me. Tims Birthday, yeah what ifs and what was I thinkings. Blue eyes of my babies.

I have been reading a book this week, not that its a new thing but this book was great. Made me think about if I had to write my life on paper what would I want remembered. One chapter would be starry night. My best starry nights. Mountain nights, cool, clear, quiet. stars too many to count. As a child looking out my window from bed and see just a few stars through the trees. From the tub at 501 I can see a planet, which one I dont know but so so bright. The farm, open sky, cloudless, summer nights with Tim in the yard. Front porch with the Carlton' on Myrtle ave. My favorite starry night, I remember walking down our road out the mountain late at night with my friend Kathy, so so dark. Until a cloud would slide by the moon and stars so the night would be lit by blue. The darkest night illuminated by small peepholes to heaven. I remember we laid in her yard and just looked up. Watched clouds glide into their places and stars disappear and reappear again. Stars on snow in Syr...

I am not religious... enough. I say my prayers, I talk to God. I say prayers in my head and wish or pray for good thing for others and myself. I spend a majority of my day thinking about everyone in my life. Jack being sick the last few days, not eating fevers, cranky. I ask God to help him and get him better soon. I am asking alot for my nephew Danny now that we know he will definately be going to the Marines. His potential holdup was history of Asthma, turns out after testing and function tests he is well enough to go to basic training. So I ask God to watch over him and my sister in law and brother to ease their minds and watch over the family. The people on Blogger that have suffering, my friend who has run into serious financial problems, a friend with a sick daughter having tests done and unknown outcomes I pray for them. I should be giving something back, right? That is why people go to church to praise God. Give back to God and thank Him for their "good stuff...

I have to believe I need to have faith. These people that look at you are what keep me going inthe right direction sometimes. I sometimes think that if I keep doing the "next rigt things" I will see them all again. I forget how much I miss these people until I see their faces again so close. My brother put these pics on his facebook profile and it took my breath away. Most of all I love my Pop. He is in a plaid shirt and it look as if it were taken yesterday. Obviously not, 1966. I LOVED HIM. The pic of my family so young. Me the baby in the front. such a sweet picture of a family. I dont remember this time in my life obviously but the effects of being cared for and loved so deeply live through today. A picture of my grandparents on the porch of the homestead. Christmas decorations and just so easy to feel. Lastly the pic of the four sisters. I always wanted sister as a child, I dont envy that anymore. I like my boys, and wouldnt have what I d o if I had a sister ...