Flaming June's Love

I have to believe I need to have faith. These people that look at you are what keep me going inthe right direction sometimes. I sometimes think that if I keep doing the "next rigt things" I will see them all again. I forget how much I miss these people until I see their faces again so close. My brother put these pics on his facebook profile and it took my breath away. Most of all I love my Pop. He is in a plaid shirt and it look as if it were taken yesterday. Obviously not, 1966. I LOVED HIM. The pic of my family so young. Me the baby in the front. such a sweet picture of a family. I dont remember this time in my life obviously but the effects of being cared for and loved so deeply live through today. A picture of my grandparents on the porch of the homestead. Christmas decorations and just so easy to feel. Lastly the pic of the four sisters. I always wanted sister as a child, I dont envy that anymore. I like my boys, and wouldnt have what I d o if I had a sister ...

I sit here in the recliner with Andy and Jack both snoring beyond words. Jack has a sleep apnea that would make your head spin. The sputtering snorts and breath holding delays are almost entertainment in an alien quiet. Andy sleeps with the boy tucked between he and the back of the couch. He sleeps with minutes of quiet breathing then a sudden GAASP and snort from the depths of his throat, yet I swear it sounds as if he is toileting his bronchial tree. Andys hand is resting on Jacks shoulder and it is huge. His paw -the size of Jacks shoulder and half of his back. It must weigh fifteen pounds that mitt is resting without waking the boy. They snore, grunt, whistle, gasp, sputter, mumble, smack and occasional yum-hum-mhummms. Now wake or not wake? Yeah 630 on a saturday night. wake now and my spell is broken. Immediate release from the quiet of computerhaze. Allow to sleep and they will both be ready to tango until 12. Smart women would dress and get out of the house now befo...

AND THIS WILL ALL SEEM FUNNY. I lived that anthem in the eighties , then again in the 90's, struck it up again in the begining of the new century and here I am again looking forward to laughing it all away. My baby has a broken heart. I naturall feel the urge to kill mame and destroy anyone that does that any of my children. This is different. She was in love and will always love the first boyfrind. This is natural progression and I am grateful. I have talked before about how things are "supposed" to go. Parents die first, then us and then your kids. OK natural progression and we are following suit. I am grateful. The way to a broken heart is not always as nice as Allies is right now. I have many a story of deep betrayal, abuse, and just plain carelessness with other people feelings. She has had a healthy first love, no trauma until now with the breakup. For this I am grateful. OK I am sad she is sad, I want to take away her tears. I dont want ot change the go...

I remember how this feels. Love that is new and fresh and nervous. Allie is at the begining a new experience. She and Joey have ended their relationship. I know they still care for each other but they have reached a point where they are too far apart. I know her heart is aching. I also know she will be ready for a new relationship when the time comes. She told me the other night that she is afraid she wont meet anyone. Life is so short in some aspects, but then again there is so much time to get to the places we dream of. True Love is not always right around the corner. It may not be anywhere easy. The journey to Love....is life. Life is what happens while we watch our days pass.

My sister in law found my blog. My sister in law that has known me the longest. The one that KNOWS ME> We began as friends in maybe 1981? Before she started dating my brother. We laughed alot and shared alot of dreams together. Time has been good, bad, ugly and kind to both of us. I know my brother has broken her heart. I would fix it if I could. I want to say everything will be alright. It wont. I have been where she is, how we got there are different but I was divorced from someone I loved. I wanted to stay with my first husband. Badly. She wants to stay with my brother, no matter how ugly the situation is getting I believe she wants to try with him. Time changes people and I think my Fathers death changed my brother. He was an example of husband and father in our eyes. I remember thinking how they had it all together. I guess as much as we know is as much we dont know. Either way, fair warning, if you read any farther, or go back there might be stuff you dont like. ...