Flaming June's Love

A lot of stuff but not much to say. Andy, JAck and I went with Nana Danny and my nephew Ben went to an amusement park that is about one hour away. The place knoebels grove is an old pashioned amusement park that has maintained itself and remains a lovely family park. Jack had a ball and rode rideds and ate junk food all day. Every ride reminded me of days with my girls. Tim, no Tim, Amy, bu talways my girls. Life changes and times change. Gilrs were working and at school so we went for the day without them. I found it a sweet day with our beautiful boy and I still felt a twinge of guilt, loss and longing for the old days. I am getting exactly what I asked for my girls are growing up and responsible smart and flourishing. Life is good,. I sometimes I dont want that. I like the feeling of being needed. My girl ended her relationship with her boyfriend of two years. It was difficult and she is feeling the loss now. I know she is sure she did the right thing because she needs ...

I have spoken of my friend Maryellen a few times and I can look back and find the blog entries around the time of her death. Allie and her daughter Jackie have ben friends for as long as first grade. They had a love hate relationship for many years and then at the time when I wa inthe hospital to the time Maryellen died they became grownup friends. They almost had too really. Since we moved Jackie hasnt been over that much because she isnt the best driver. She came over for dinner on Monday night and it was so sweet. Nice and cozy like the old days if only for a short while. Andy will be on the road next week and I am almost looking forward to it. Not because Idont love him but it will be nice to have a lil girl time. Jackie is the beautiful red head on the porch and the other pics are of the girls and Jack on the same night. I know Maryellen would be so proud of her girl now. She is trying really hard and is getting more and more beautiful everyday. Of course had to throw in t...

I am so full of analogies or comparisons lately. I see things as what they are and then something turns on inside and I the unassuming balloon becomes... something else. Jack loves balloons I have posted pics of him throughout his three years of him and numerous holidays and coinciding balloons. Nothing was different for this his third birthday. He had an awesome balloon that said Happy Birthday and had an abundance of zoo animals all over it. He loved it. It had the mandatory weight at the bottom so the possibility of floating away was beyond my scope..LOL He had it in his room, every room of the house and finally yesterday out on the back deck. The weight was doing its job and no matter how far or hard he threw it, it would land with a thud. It would float and bob but still remained at its premeasured and standard five feet. As I was in and out of the house it would take note of its location and go on my way. It was at times in his hand around his feet or just, "lurking...

Yeah so the anniversary month from hell is almost over. I am kinda sad that Jacks birthday will always be attached to some really shitty things but then again there is always a bright part to my bad month forever. I am officially on the planet three years longer than I really should be. Now if you ask GOD He will tell you that everything happensed exactly as is was supposed to happen but if you talk to anyone else that was around there int hat hospital they will have another story. I remember that day was a Thursday and I breast fed Jack for the first and only time that day. I knew I was having trouble breathing and feeling really fatigued, but who would have thought that. I dont want to hash it all back up again I really need not be that person anymore I guess. I dont want to to be that person anymore. I dont want to think that everytime I feel a twinge or short of breath or indigestion I am about to drop dead but truly it is a little hard to let go of sometimes. ok so why am I g...