Flaming June's Love

Can you see the intensity in his eyes. He is not talking just yet but he is definately verbal. He can babble, and is animated and expressive. His words are missing the first few syllables but I know what he is saying. I asked the therapist if she saw progress, she told me speech comes slow. Then reassured me that he is goingto be fine just be patient and enjoy every sound he does make since I am lucky to have him at all. I agree. I am lucky to have anything at this point. I have been having images of my best friend MaryEllen and her death as slow and painful as it was. I miss her and am coming up on the one year anniversary on the tenth. I gave her a bath the night of new years and that was the last time I think she was really lucid. I can look back on the blog from last year and check but really... what does it matter. Enjoy the pics of the boy and think happy thoughts of him and send some "talk to mommy karma" his way. Love to all.

Why is this year going to be different? By, Suzituzi This year is going to be different because I am going to make it different. I am going to be less of a procrastinator I will do the things that need to be done when I see them.' I am going to keep up on my laundry, now that the wash and dry are on the first floor there is no excuse for piles anywhere. I am gong to be more attentive to others opinions, maybe not their needs as much as I do now but their opinions I need to handle. I am going to read more than I do. I am going to keep our new home organized. There is enough storage space and attica nd basement so clutter should be a thing of the past. I want to be a better mom

Did I mention lately that I love love love my husband. He got me some beautiful and thoughtful gifts this Christmas. I asked for a toaster. Got it. He got a dvd player for the car for Jack. He got me pony holders for my hair and a flat screen tv for our family room in the new house to put above the fireplace. I mentioned it was something I wanted "someday" for that room and there it was christmas morning. I dont love him for the stuff, I love him for the thinking about the stuff. He has been working everyday, everyday including christmas to get this house ready for us. We are so close to there I cant taste it. last night I helped him for a few hours with the hard wood floors. We work together pretty well. He has invested blood sweat and tears into every inch of that house and THAT... THAT IS LOVE.

You know those videos on tv of people falling down hills or on bikes out of control and they just FALL? OK well thats me right now, we are moving in exactly one week. I am packing stuff everywhere there are boxes filled with who knows what in every room. I have Jack at my Moms as often as possible so he doesnt get hurt. Yeah life, is definately headed to the new place and I think.... Its going to be ok. In the process I have found girls work since kindergarten. Anniversary and birthday cards since 1990. I had one on the top of the pile from Tim circa 1998 10 year anniversary card and it was truly filled with LOVE. I am sorry for hurting him. truly. Regrets I have to work on this new year. I need to start to forgive myself. ANd hopefully be a better person. I cried alot today. Many memories I found and enjoyed. I wish everyone all that is good if I dotnwrie again for a while.

I have so much to say. My heart is so full. I spent my Christmas with my entire family and everyone I could mention or muster loving thoughts of I saw today. My brother Dave had my grandfathers films transferred to dvd. He chose film from the early 60's and film from the mid 70's. That menat that I did get to spend Christmas with my grandparents, my parents, my brothers, Aunts and Uncles that have been gone for years. The film was alot of Christmas. Ironically we spent our Christmas watching our long lost relatives come through the front door of my grandparents house silently mouthing Merry Christmas. Here we were 30 and 40 years later saying the same thing to all of them. My parents really, REALLY young. My brothers teenagers. Me about 12, and ten. braces in some, a few summer films. Just so so so good. I know Dave will be reading this within the next few days and all I can say is that you made my Christmas wish come true. I spent my day with our grandparents, and our ...

I watched a movie and have obviously stayed up later than usual. I watched Evening with Claire Danes and a whole bunch of amazing actors. It was an intersting flick about a dying womans last days and the memories that come back to her, along with some of the "visitors" that come to hre in her last days. I rememebr the nurse telling me that my dad had "visitors" on the Saturday night before he died. I asked what that meant she reassured me that he had loved ones come to see him in the night and he chatted with them and watched them walk about his room and he was more "awake" than she had seen him. It was a long night of visitors she told me. I think that was her way of saying it was time to let him go. He was gone after that night. He was no longer fighting. Almost peaceful. I still get that scared, panic feeling fleeting over me that he is gone and worse of all that he suffered. I just had it now, shit. Anyway the movie. The long and short of it i...