Flaming June's Love

It seems lately that my pics are Allie and Jack. Well here is my "in home rocker" Missi. She has the sense of humor of a 30 yr old and often gets taken as brusk, hard and misunderstood. She is misunderstood, because she is none of those things. I can say that if anyone was to bring a hungry stranger home it would be Missi. She talks to anyone and usually appears to have no fear of strangers. She is watchful, intuitive and mature. She is not the type to forget though. She may forgive but not forget. Sh eis going away for the weekend with a friend to the beach for their last weekend. Her friends parents own a home on the beach "that has an elevator in it Mom." Usually unaffected, she is excited to go with her. Allie is doing well and has called a few times to let us know she is alright. Jack has a new injury to the lid of his left eye. Not stitches but you know the old saying, "a hair of an inch closer you would have lost your eye kid.." Wel...

Miss Allison looking more like sh should come home with me than ever. No really she was so excited, brave, beautiful, friendly and everything anyone could want. The strangest thing happened when woke up this morning, my Dad was at the foot of my bed, no really... anyway. he said "Dont you cry, youll only make things worse, so suck it up Suz and be the Mom today. Your doing a great job." I havent cried a drop. Here is the hall she is on. Room 3 on the left. Jack crawled up on Daddy while he was nappping on the couch. Hugged him and watched his tv shows. The boy planning something.

Girls being silly Jack exhausted and sleeping. The time is creeping by without me mentioning it. Everyone else is talking about it but I am not saying much. Today is the end of Tuesday. My girl leaves on Saturday. I actually will be taking her to college. You know the imaginary place where our children turn into adults and we no longer worry, love or breathe every breath for and with them. I have a familiar feeling in my throat. The one that is a happy but close to tears all the time. I can cry with the thoughts of driving away. I probably dont have to say much more than driving away. We have shopped and shopped and talked about this and that except for the driving away. Today as I was giving Jack his bath and Allie was getting dressed fro her "girls night out" she asked how Sat was going to "work" I said the anticipated, unpack all the shit, make the bed, get your books, put in the rug, hook up the phone, put money in the account at the bookstore. blah blah bl...

Here we are two years later. I dont recall this moment that clearly but I do know that everything hurt EXCEPT my heart. I was so deeply in love with this boy in my arms at the time that all the STUFF going in and out of me was secondary. I can now look in the mirror and see the scar down my chest and in my neck and arms and leg and remember, but the newborn three days old is tangible. He is the running whirling durvish with the smile that glows from the inside out. I do know that this is a photo of the first time I saw him after the whole "thing". I believe this is a bout three days after the actual surgery. I was still in the ICU and just up in the chair for the first time. I can look at this picture and remember.... but I can also forget. I really want to take care of myself. I dont want to go through this again anytime soon. My boy really needs me. As do my girls. They need me, but I mus admit. I dont want to leave my Andy. I feel like he is my reward sometimes ...

This painting has always "spoken:" to me. And I am not trying to sound like something Im not by using that adjective. It says volumes. Her face, his face, her dress, the background. I see her as a young girl with no idea how beautiful she is and he is a man dreaming of his youth. Her dress is moving and swirling swooshing the leaves along their way. The people in the background pretending not to notice this beautiful girl. It is a cool 65 ish today and not getting much warmer. A breeze blowing that is so fresh and I love everything about it. All the windows are open and I am feeling some better today. I am coughing up some of the grossest stuff on the planet but its all good. We are planning on going to get some things for the house today. Paint and some extras .