Flaming June's Love

I know my Paxil is wearing off for sure now. I had a coffee fit this am. Yup the kind I used to have when Allie my non sleeping, constant screaming Pain in the ass baby was still a baby. My first husband was a coffee drinker so there was some sympathy. This husband has no clue what full blown addict ion is all about. The closest he got was his Snapple affair he kicked over lent this year. LOL First story first, I couoldnt get my shot together when Allie was a baby. I was breast feeding her but felt that I was still fat, so I went on a coffee diet. NOT GOOD. Breast feeding an infant while mom is on a caffeine diet. I am lucky she is not brain damaged! I was 22 YO so cut me a little slack "perfect mommy readers". This am Jack is calm cool collected, I do the routine, bottle bowl of cheerios and snuggle him up on the ocuch for his goodies and a bit of Barney. I then head for my best friend in the whole wide world before 7 am. Beautiful white, with the brown spatters o...

Did you ever see the movie with Robin Williams? people with sleeping disease, given medication and they wake up? Well Suzie is waking up! 2001- Suzie realizes that her husband of so many years never really loved her, how did she find this out? He told her. He realized after 9?11 that he didnt want his life to end without knowing real love so he wanted to give his relationship a chance with a girl from work. OK so I was always the one with the upper hand in the relationship I THOUGHT. He loved me, just didnt know how to express it. Nope- he just didnt express it cuz he didnt have it for me. I was reeling, I had spent many years believing that he was shallow in the feeling dept and I was going to bring him out. I guess my broken heart came from believing that I was tricked, fooled, decieved for 15 years. Long story I went to my Dr. she and I are on a first name basis because we became friends years before. I lost 15 pounds in two weeks and couldnt stop shaking. She prescribed Paxi...

Quick post about the loss in VA The parents that lost their babies on Monday loved their children as much as I love my own. How do you survive this. I have been praying, in my way of praying. Talking to, Whispering to, crying to, somehow give these families with their loss so immense and immeasurable some peace. Some quiet in their hearts and souls about their loss and the life they will try to go on with. I am struck down with my own changes and feelings lately of change and loss of control. I have to look to others and their burdens in order to take some inventory of my blessings. I decided to keep living, literally continue breathing for these children of mine and the thought of losing one of them is far too much to bear.

Hold to me sweet child Hold to momma's skirt. stay under my shelter dont leave my guard Im too scared to open the gate. As I see your dreams behind your eyes You want to reach to further skies, "you belong to me, along my side, You cant go I will decide." I cant decide, I must subside, Let her fly, let her fly. Be gentle world, To my sweet girl, My sweet girl, my sweet girl. Give her vision of her place in life, Give her courage to survive her strife, Give her patience to achieve her goals, Give me courage to let her go to let her go to let her go

My little girl who it seems like a couple of years ago I couldnt get off my leg, is now graduating from HS. In a few short weeks she will be a "grown" woman. I went to her last concert tonight in HS. She has been in chorus and choir since she was a little one. I always went I love the kids and cant take my eyes off my own. Allie told me she has a par in one of the songs, I was so excited for her but didnt ask what song or how much of a part. Boy was I surprised when they introduced her and she stood at the mic and sang a Sting song. Alone, brave, loud, strong, beautiful. I cried. I cried hard, hot tears with pride that beamed form every pore of my body. I looked up and my child was singing to make herself heard. She wore a green dress, her hair down and green shoes. Her eyes sparkled and she was wonderful. She sings at church and I am so proud but this was different. She had a message. I know a few of my friends read my blog daily and most of them know my girls ...

Youll remember me when the west wind moves Upon the fields of barley Youll forget the sun in his jealous sky As we walk in the fields of gold So she took her love For to gaze awhile Upon the fields of barley In his arms she fell as her hair came down Among the fields of gold Will you stay with me, will you be my love Among the fields of barley Well forget the sun in his jealous sky As we lie in the fields of gold See the west wind move like a lover so Upon the fields of barley Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth Among the fields of gold I never made promises lightly And there have been some that Ive broken But I swear in the days still left Well walk in the fields of gold Well walk in the fields of gold Many years have passed since those summer days Among the fields of barley See the children run as the sun goes down Among the fields of gold Youll remember me when the west wind moves Upon the fields of barley You can tell the sun in his jealous sky When we walked in the fields o...