Flaming June's Love

Im not in the mood tonight. For writing, talking, laughing, sex, and most of all Christmas. Music everywhere. Ill be home for Christmas. hmmmm I dont think so.

I have a date tonight!!!! Yup I am meeting with my Mom and cousins and Aunt for a night of poker with the girls. We did this about a month ago and we were all so happy to spend some time together that we were out til after 1 am. I enjoy all of their company and we inherently laugh most of the night reminiscing. Isnt it intersting how the family that is in another generration nopw dont seem to be that much older we all go together after a certain point. I think it is 40. yup that is the turning point. I am playing cards tonight with my aunt who is in her 80's and then all the way down to me. with 12 in between. It sounds corny but I enjoythem. I am now begining the christmas stuff. I mentioned the outside christmas lights to Andy and he got them out for me. I usually cant wait to get them up but I am a little slow this year but have resigned myself to the "fake it til you make it" theory. Fake being jolly, merry and filled with yule (whatever that is) until I rea...

I am thankful: I have been loved by someone everysingle minute of my life. I came to that conclusion today. I was feeling sorry for myself and sad for what I am missing or moreso who I am missing. I then began trying to "count my blessings" I have been loved every second of my life. I may not have been lovable but as a parent I KNOW I have been loved by my parents. I have loved my siblings everysecond of my life. As have they me. My kids have loved me though they may not know it right now! My husbands yes both of them have loved me. they always will. I can think of three friends that I could ask right now if they LOVE me they would say yes. Now I know that I have been in Love with people or loved qualities about them, but to truly love someone else never goes away. Did I fall out of love with Tim, my first husband, NO it just changed. I will always love him. Look at what we did together!!!!! these two girls that have the world at their fingertips because of their bra...

OK My best friend went to the "card lady" last night. You know the lady that has you shuffle the cards and choose one then tells you something good bad and indifferent about your past present and future! OK I believe in it when I like what she says, and phooey the whole thing when she isnt quite on the button. I choose to believe this time. Amy brought the tape over to myhouse so Icould hear what the woman had to say. She mentioned her (amy's) friend that has a irthday in June, Me and probably two others. Anyway the one who lost their father recently (Thats me!!!!) He is sad he cant comfort me but is waiting until I am stronger to visit (visit) with me. I may smell him in the meantime in the house or out soometime, just to let me know he is watching and he is fine. He remarked (yes he remarked!) that I was the apple of his eye and realizes I am hurting but I have to go through this. Interestingly I found some comfort in these messages. I think anything is comf...

Its been a few days since I posted, not that I m terribly busy but I do have things going on in my life. Today is Melissa's 15th birthday. I remember today as a cold dark morning tha I had to be at the hospital early for a shceduled C-section. Tim and I arrived and everything went beautifully. Until first the OB announced as he was delivering her head "W'eve got a boys face...Looks pretty boyish Tim..... Its a girl!!!!" He said OUT LOUD!!! AH SHIT!! I should have divorced him that day right there and then. I was sorta out of it and didnt hear the baby cry at first. waiting waiting waiting..... Tim was at my head and his tone changed to everything is going to be ok, its gonna be ok really. Turns out she aspirated upon delivery and was in respiratory distress. Our little pumpkin was blue and not moving. They rushed her out and intubated her quickly and flew her to CMC in Scranton. Iwas at Pocono where I was working at the time. My Mom was at our house i...

Okay I made a really excellent chicken dish for dinner, I found the jackdaniels barbecue recipe and did up a chicken for my family and my neighbors family. My friend at least the past 15 years whose daughter is the same age as mine, was diagnosed with colon cancer last January. They gave her three months since she let it go so long and here she is hanging in there but very tired and thin weak. I make enough for her and me her kids and mine. It is the least I can do for her. She stood by me when I went thrrough my divorce, always a shoulder tpo cry on and then was around for all the drama with Andy before we got married and so forth. She is one person I talk to everyday and look forward to the same talk everyevening. Dinner, the kids, husbands, what the baby is up to and "how we are feeling really." She is only fifty years old and can see the end is near. We dont actually tal;k abaout the end but she cries about not seeing her granchildren. I love her like a sister...