Flaming June's Love

I read all of my posts and boy do I sound like a bummer. Truly I am not this down and out. But as I stated in the begining I will write what I want when.... This past weekend I went to Penn Stae with my oldest daughter and her boyfriend to a football game and then out for dinner and a few beers. (me not them OLOL) I was very (very) excited to meet a few guys that were in their late thirties and forties that wanted me to hang out with them at the bar. Here is how it went.... I went to the ladies room and had to walk past thebarto get back to our table. On the way I knocked a oat on the floor. A gentlemen made a joke I a chatted back and we just started talking. The game, why I was here , who I was with? "You two look like sisters, LOL LOL" I believe I was glowing truly radiant light pouring out of the top of my head. My quick wit and charm LOL just came right back to me. The other guys said lets grab a barstool for you sit with us... " OH GOD what did I do!" On no t...

Yes, I am. I am hurting still. I feel empty at times and wonder where does life go from here for ME. OK we all know "I have my children" husband, health, dog, I am grateful. BUT I want that one person that laughs when I say shnikeys. If I told him I was thinking about opening a business he would research it for me. Knowing full well that I have had many ideas in the past that dont work out, he encouraged me. Dad, POP, where exactly are you? Andy and I and the baby went to Barnes and Noble tonight. As usual I am in the grief, recovery section. Meander over to the m,usic and then hit the new in paperback section. I browse the cookbooks. (Christmas the Paula Deene holiday book) And wine for dummies. I got a pumpkin decaf latte' And purchased Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch. I hope it has the answers I am looking for. 1. I need to come to terms with this situation, hes not coming back is he? 2. Where the hell is he exactly if he is not coming back. 3. ...

Sunday morning quiet... Jack and I are ready for the day since his internal clock seems to like 6:00 lately. It is early but not as early as if I had to go to a real job. Some one out there could consider me a Politcally correct ignoramus but I have been in both places. A stay at home mom and a working mom and trust me staying home is much easier!!!! I was working in Dialysis prior to Jacks birth. I haad to be there at 5:30 am and was there until 4:30. I was on my feet 90% of the time and was feeling incredible amounts of stress. I cant imagine having to go there and still come home to a one year old. I am truly blessed. I havent talked much about my husband. Here it is I am married to a man named Andy. He is 6'2" dark salt and pepper hair, brown eyes, dimples, beautiful teeth and a presence that demands attention. That is one of the first things I thought when I saw him. "This guy is a character and a half" He is active in local politics, and the inside w...

I think the loss of my dad is becoming.... something else. I have been absorbed by thoughts of what we were and how we lived. I am now reminiscing a bit about those last few weeks. Could I have done anything different? NO. That man in the bed truly was my father. I am a registered nurse if you didnt already know and the condition of his body those last few days was horrid. Ventilator, central line in the neck and arm. Dialysis ports in the groin. NG tube in his nose. foley cath for urine, rectal tube for feces. horrible. and I never saw this man sick with more than a cold. How did this happen? where did this event begin and how the hell did it end this way. We talked to him for 17 days while the drs continued to tell us he would get better. they gave him a paralytic so he couldnt fight the vent and attempt to pull out his tubes. Did this break his courage. Nope I could see him in there the whole time. His soul was alive, he could hear us. I know when he gave up, it was ...

Wednesday all ready how time flies. Halloween was very nice with the children. Missi the middle child invited about 10 of her friends over prior to trick or treating and I truly enjoyed their company. She and her friends are the "smart, quirky" kids. I picture them as the ones you dont necessarily notice in high school but wehn these kids hit college man look out they will hit their stride. Smart, sharp, witty, unshaken by their differences. I love that in people. Have you met people that hit their prime already and now they are just hanging on. Whether they were HS athletes, or whatever. That is not this crowd. Allie my older daughter has friends that have hit their prime or are already in them. One in particular. She is so wrapped up in the HS drama that the college life I believe will just swallow her up. Allie will hit her stride Im thinking after college. In the work world and probably late twenties early thirties. She is just exceptionally pretty. I am n...

To whom it may concern: I am enclosing in this letter one shred of my soul. Please be aware that this small scrap is one of the last that I posess and will be looking forward to getting it back someday. Why you may ask am I sending it to you and your valuable staff? I want to be sure that when and if the time comes that I again feel empty and used up I can be sure to find that small piece. I am hoping that you will be able to return this piece to me whether it be in one day or years from now. I would like to inventory this piece by identfying its finer points. This piece of me contains self confidence, intelligence, a wickedly sharp sense of humor, flirtatiousness, intense sensuality and most of all passion. Passion in all senses of the word. Passion for love, life, people, art, literature and most of all music. I will label this piece sfp. Suzies finer points. I am working on generating more "soul" but if it does not succeed I will take comfort in knowing you pos...

I had two people respond and graciously give me advice on my "dad in the box" issue. I do spend about an hour parusing blogs during the day and often forget that there are people real people behind those words. I think as americans we spend so much time on the line of real and drama tv that personally I can have moments of "Are they real?" These two comments were real. two people that have lsot in their lives as well and I so appreciate their insight. Thank You . Her is the plan for the weekend. Take the fifteen year old daughter to Valley Forge PA to a convention with two of her friends. It is an Anime convention and if I have to explain just shoot me dead in my tracks. Missi isa very artistic young woman and loves the asian influence of artists in animation. It is truly a "movement" now Characters that have depth and real attitude. So as a Birthday gift I will take her and two of her friends to a hotel tonight swimming pool dinner movies kind o...