Yes I am...

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Yes, I am. I am hurting still. I feel empty at times and wonder where does life go from here for ME.
OK we all know "I have my children"
husband, health, dog, I am grateful.
BUT

I want that one person that laughs when I say shnikeys.
If I told him I was thinking about opening a business he would research it for me.
Knowing full well that I have had many ideas in the past that dont work out, he encouraged me.

Dad, POP, where exactly are you?
Andy and I and the baby went to Barnes and Noble tonight. As usual I am in the grief, recovery section. Meander over to the m,usic and then hit the new in paperback section. I browse the cookbooks. (Christmas the Paula Deene holiday book) And wine for dummies.

I got a pumpkin decaf latte'
And purchased Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch. I hope it has the answers I am looking for.
1. I need to come to terms with this situation, hes not coming back is he?
2. Where the hell is he exactly if he is not coming back.
3. Does he miss us as much as I miss him?
4. Did he change his mind at any point about not going on life support and resent me taking him off?
5. Could he hear us talking hour after hour for 17 days trying to illicit a response?
6. Did it help or make him feel worse?
7. Was he in pain?
8. Does he know how sorry I am that I couldnt help him? I am sorry I must have missed something after surgery. I know you wanted me to watch out for errors I hope he knows I tried.
9. Does he truly see and hear what we are saying and thinking? (uh oh!)
10. Can he send down some kick in the ass for me cuz I am really down and out lately.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Keep your head up, and know he wants you to go on. You will always miss him and feel the loss, but it gets easier with time.

Shortly after my father passed, I would get sad when ever I thought of him. Now, 2 years later, I smile.
7:23 AM
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