Flaming June's Love

Saturday rain had always been a bummer until now. I like being "stuck" in the house with the kids and my husband. Kinda lazy snuggly I like it. My oldest daughter has a football game today to cheer at and then have a sleepover. My younger daughter Missi the computer girl, will be here until she has some friends over tonight. Obviously Jack and I will be in my room bonding over green eggs and ham the one fish two fish book. Andy ( my husband) is going to drink beer tonight with hus buddy. There was atime in our relationship when I would stay up and think about what he was "up to" I dont think like that anymore. Since my heartattack and the birth of our son he has been the most attentive and committed man on the planet. I truly love him from the deepest part of my heart. He was the last thing I saw before I went to surgery and the first after I finally woke up. OK gonna have to run I am boring arent I. LOL

I am wearing my favorite Universiity of Pennsylvania sweatshirt and Jack has on a white turtleneck with blue jeans. It is officially chilly today. So as I usually do I cook for the weather!!! what? well I cook for the weather. Obviously today is a chicken soup day. So the stock and chicken carrots and veggies are simmering in the kitchen as we speak. I also put an apple pie together this am. Some women shop for shoes, handbags, I am a grocery store junkie. Recipes, fresh stuff and primarily baking is one of my things. My husband is a great eater!!!! My daughters dont eat much but they are teenage girls. I cook for comfort for everyone. Nothing ever felt better to me than homecooking. I am feeling better today I think I just get sad at night when things quiet down. I really am just wanting to feel better. Hopefully my daughter will help me download a few kid pics to share. OK I will write again later. http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c255/Kyuujutsukun/missipic.jpg http://i29.photobucke...

Well- I remember wathcing Greys anatomy at the end of last season and crying. I cried for the lost love between Izzy and Denny. But more than that I cried for myself. A year ago I suffered massive heart attack and barely survived emergency heart surgery. My body has been recovering but my spirit has not. I want to live but dont go desperately outof my way to accomplish a long and healthy life. I dont smoke, but also dont exercise. I dont eat right and have gained a more than a few pounds in the past year. Depression maybe a little. Hopelessness, maybe a little. but I truly think I am just getting by. I know that when I die It will be an ok thing. I am not afraid to die actually look forward to the day with optimism and interest. I am not suicidal but really in a mood where if it happened tomorrow other than my kids being motherless and husband being a widow and alot of sad people, selfishly.... I would be ok with the whole thing. If you read any of my other posts you know ...

A night alone is something I get frequently, most married women dont get these but I have a husband that is refered to as a "road warrior". He is a salesman and travels all week on the east coast. How do I feel about having the week to myself with the kids and dog in our home. Fine, happy, satisfied, grateful. yup yup and yessirreee!!!!!! I love my husband very much and dont know what I would do without him but..... I was alone with my girls for quite a few years prior to my second marriage so working and living on my own is quite comfortable. Only difference this time is that Jack is with me during the day and at night. I am a BAD MOMMY!!!!! While my husband has been on the road since Jacks birth I have brought him into bed with me when hubby is away. bad bad girl I know and now I am paying for it. Not that I care if he sleeps with me til hes 5 but hubby wants room in the bed when he gets home on Friday. well dont blame him really, but boy it is hard to break a ba...

My motivation, lets see... I am a sad person at this point. If you put it all on paper I have it all. I have an attentive handsome husband. beautiful healthy children. I am moderately healthy, considering having had open heart surgery one year ago following a heart attack following the birth of our son. ( Yeah sounds dramatic huh!LOL). Anywaysssss... ( as the kids would say) My dear father passed away a month ago and my broken heart has more cracks and divets than ever. Have you ever met someone that you knew was special before they even opened their mouth? That was him. He had a sparkle in his eye even when not trying. I am the youngest of four children and the only girl. So I was always loved and cared for but being the fourth whether boy or girl there isnt much time. My father worked all the time for us and my mom was and remains the most well put together, organized, planner ever. long story short, My heart hurts. I miss my friend, My daily laugh, my daily refle...

Well, here goes the beginning of my blogging experience. A few rules I will lay down for myself... 1.) be honest with my feelings 2.) I will write what, where, when and how I want with out regard to who may be reading. 3.) My life feels boring at times to me but to someone else my experience may be helpful so I will do my best. OK here I am. Lets see how it goes.