Flaming June's Love

This picture of the girls and I on the bed, makes me laugh out loud every time I see it.  No matter how old we all get I can see my babes in this picture.  I had jumped into their bed to say goodnight and Missi just rolled over and was snuggled in the space between the mattresses.  She sleeps on her stomach, always has.  When I snapped it, it wasn't that unusual, until I looked at it later and realized how crazy it looked.  Allie and both look totally pleased with ourselves, nothing new.   This one is from Kaleigh and Gio's rehearsal dinner.  The four of us were totally happy and relaxed.  I don't know if we will ever have another moment like this again.  Ever.  But we had it then and I am so grateful for that.    Look at that moon.  We sang along, danced along, loved along.  I couldn't love this anymore. I will create another post describing the best wedding I have ever attended.  For so so many reason...

 Living in NJ as a child we grew up waiting for our trips to PA.  That was who we were, on the inside.  I often had a challenge trying to explain that my family lived in Pennsylvania. What family?  Your Mom Dad and brothers are here, do you mean your grandparents?   Well, yes, them and my Aunts Uncles, great Aunts Uncle, and cousins... endless amounts of cousins. The cousins, were not just people you know of.. my cousins are my people.  Generations of our family I can see in my mind.  I have loved generations of these families and we are all bound by history that tells us... Don't let it go. It surely isn't perfect, there are small pods of people that may have some issues, yes that's true. I can say, I'm sorry about that.  But in reality, we always come back. So my memories of Christmas eves driving with my siblings and parents to get to Wilkes Barre and the unbridled excitement.  Mom told me a story the other day, I'd like to share....

 I have been writing here for many many years.  It began as a place to purge my grief after our Dad died.  I can look back at those posts and feel that crawl right back up my spine, like a chill. I can scroll and see my teenage girls, living at home, and feeling as if nothing could ever change.  Life will always be the way it was, and then, they weren't. What happened?  Life happens.  They grow and change, I grow and change, Jack has grown and changed.  Right along with me you can see how it happened, when it happened, but we don't see it WHILE ITS HAPPENING.  We just keep moving, we dip and dive the bad, then lie back and breath in the good. There are endless middle days, the days we don't remember, they are lost to the creaks in the floor boards and water in the street.  I can conjur the middle days, I can recreate them in my mind, what I did when no one was keeping track.  The drives to school, the morning coffee chats with coworkers,...

 I have been a blonde for about 8 years.  I had been dying my hair at home with a box dark brown for about 10 years before that.  I also cut my own bangs and didnt tweeze my eyebrows.  Somewhere around there I started going to the salon for haircuts and coloring.   I also started getting my nails done and waxing my eyebrows.  It helped me feel better.  I felt prettier.  I lost weight and felt fabulous.  Something changed inside me.  It was a perfect storm of events and environment.   Jack had consumed my every minute, fear and helplessness took over my life. Somewhere around his 6th grade things started to change with him and with me.  He was taking better care of himself and I was doing the same.  It worked for both of us. Life is not perfect, we have our jostling growing pains.  I have gained back some of the weight I lost.  I feel bad about that.  But there was a shift that happened... Covid sol...