smokes and records

I remember spending hours and hours in college and HS talking to my girlfriends about anything, and everything.
I rememebr spending entire weekends in Susan Finnertys house, in her apartment, (yes it was an apartment almost) and Amy Susan and I would spend fri to sunday smoking playing backgammon and eating Millburn Deli subs and sushi for days.
WE TALKED
How we felt, what we wanted, wished for, looked for, didnt want.
What we saw, smelled, thought.
Who we liked, boys, girls, teachers, parents, families, strangers.
MUSIC WAS HUGE.
Lyrics- old or new.
Being married, not married, children, no children.
Life death, afterlife religion.
Susan talked about Barry and Mike.
Amy talked about Scott.
I talked about.. no one in particular.
 I didnt have a boyfriend in High  School.
I admired alot of the boys, I liked alot of them too. I hardly talked to any of them but I watched and listened.  I watched and LISTENED. 
I LISTENED in the hallway, in the classroom, in the lunchroom, conversations around me.

Why dont adults do that?
I am trying to remember the last time I really dumped what was on my mind. ??

Do people actually do that anymore?  Dump whatever is on their mind about anything?

I am 52, DO I need to dump whats on my mind?  What is ON MY MIND?

Should I talk about the clothes I like, the books am reading, My kids, my husband, my exhusband, my dead father,  Snow, peanut allergies, dogs.
the hair on my chin, my periods still going on, People who I like and why..
people i dont like and why
People i used to like and dont
people i didnt like and now do

Who drives cars that expensive, how do people survive with such little money.
A woman bought 1 roll of toilet paper the other day... she had 2 kids with her...
Is she that poor? Is it for someone else? Doe she use it for something else?
Should I offer to buy her more?

When I was a teenager these thoughts were really all I had.  No worries except the typical lonely teen stuff. 
So how do you get that comfort back, who do you dump on, purge to without judgement or repercussion?

You pay them now, they are called therapists.
35 minutes of anything you want to say about anyone and they listen.... apparently.
Do they have to write it down though>?
Really?  You know they compare their notes from last week, month, year....
"YOU SAID LAST YEAR THAT (______________________________) Fill inthe blank, how do you feel about that now?
No clue nosy Nancy..... who knows why i thought that to begin with, I have bigger fish to fry right NOW!!!   Thats why I pay you to be my best friend.

What if.....?
I chose 4 women I really like...
OK 3 women I really like....
aalright maybe 2 women I really like....
AND THEY LIKED EACH OTHER...
AND THEY BOTH LIKED ME....
THis is nearly impossible...
but roll with me,  Me and 2 women I like and the three of us liek one another and we spent a whole weekend together smoking cigarettes eating hoagies and sushi drinking wine and cold bottled beer.
Reading books playing backgammon and did our nails.
We just talked.  about whatever.  ANYTHING
For days.  (OH IT HAS TO BE AT THE BEACH I JUST DECIDED)
No one writes notes or reminds you what you said a week month or year ago.
 You just get to spew.
Then when the weekend ends you drive away and the words spoken stay in the wind on the beach.

Like a puff of smoke.  A memory. A faraway place that was real....
But too good to be true.