It is coming.

-


I know it is coming.  Big changes are right around the corner.  I am loving these days right now.
I have a great relationship with my husband right now.  We are on a really good run.
We are going with jack to NYC this weekend just to BE.
I like him. One dayh at a time.
I get to spend a few days a week with my Mom.  We shop, lunch, chat.  She is my go to gal.  I wish I could be there for her more, but for now-she seems to enjoy her independence.  I enjoy our sleepovers when Andy is away.  We have dinner and chat, do homework with Jack and simply just be.
My boy has had a really good year.  His teacher Mrs. Gill has been an absolute Godsend.  This is the first year since his birth that I have been able to... step away.  Let my mind go somewhere other than, where, what, how, when and why's about the boy.  Oh I am still on top of the game, but at least I can breath.  He is speaking-perfectly clear sentences... He has friends that like him, he is in karate, basketball, soccer and will receive first Holy Communion in May.  He is smart and charming and still ALL BOY.
Is the roller coaster ride over? No.  It will never be over.  But is anyones?  Is a life worth living easy?
Nothing worthwhile is easy.
Our boy is magical, he brings family together.  Makes us laugh.  Just  beautiful.
Now my girlies.
They are both on the verge of planning forevers with their men.
Allie with Ryan.
Missi with Brandon.
Both of their guys have told us that engagement is right around the corner.  I dont know exactly when it will be, but Spring Summer of 2014 is going to be big around here.
So the excitement of planning weddings will be upon us very soon.
But I like to reflect on the FOREVERS.
Someone used to say when Tim and I got engaged that FOREVER is a really long time with someone you dont always like.
Why do they both want to get engaged?
I remember the feeling, excitement of being married.  The idea of marrying someone.
The feeling of a new start, a comittment to NEVER EVER leave me.
Why do they need that?
I guess we all want that.  I wanted it when I didnt have it.
But MY GIRLS dont NEED that?  I raised them to NOT NEED THAT!!
Is that why they seem so eager and ready to couple up?
Aw geesh I sound like a sour grapes Mom.
A Mom that never wants her girls to grow up and leave her.
A Mom that still sees her girls as GIRLS.
Not women.
Old enough to fall in love.
With the marriage comes the hard stuff.  Good, but hard.
Oh gawd, I am NOT ready to get married.
The song at the top of the page is Allies potential wedding song.
It is beautiful. Very much Allie and Ryan.
Oh Dear. It is coming.



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Kiss

-
Image
  It has been 75 days. When I went to bed at night I would cry, every night.  My Mom would begin the process of "bedtime" at least 30 minutes before I actually had to go to my room.  She would give me the countdown. "Next commercial break"  "Ten more minutes"  "Go get your last drink of water" Some nights she would begin to doze and I would squeeze another 10 minutes until the dreaded bed time. Then began the process.  We would go to my room, which was only 12 feet from the living room in all actuality, but it was miles in my little girl heart.  Mom would pull down the covers, tuck me in, give me all of my comfort things and then I would cry.  The more she tried to make me comfortable with the thought of sleeping, alone, the harder I would cry.  If she would just say go to bed, it would have been easier. We would say my prayers together, Our Father, Hail Mary and then all of the God Bless's. The God Blesses were my definite way to get her to ...
Read more

Ayla

-
Image
 When I was in High School my best friend was Amy.  I don't remember how we met or where, but somehow we just clicked.  I believe it was probably on the patio where in the 1980's you could go outside and smoke cigarettes with your friends on free mods or breaks.  Yep those were the days.   We were in 10th grade which made us 15.  I smoked Parliament light 100's  with the recessed filters (IYKYK) and she smoked Benson and Hedges.  She was a cheerleader that was so far from the "cheerleader" type it would crack us up.  We wrote notes in those days, scraps of paper that we would purge our daily trials onto, fold in some triangular football shape and pass to one another in the hall.  We could fill a note throughout the day and then I would throw it into a box for the ages to find someday.  We were able to talk endlessly about music, people, boyfriends, animals, school, college, parents, divorce, siblings, hours of chat.  We al...
Read more

No, not that.

-
Image
 Lets talk about graduation parties!  Should I order the chicken scampi or marsala for the chicken dish?  Cakes and cupcakes or cookies?  DJ or photo booth or both? So we decorate the cake with Wyoming Seminary as a graduate or Penn State as his college destination? No, we wont talk about that.  You know, the "drophimoffandleavehimtherepart" or the "Ihaveabsolutelynopurposewithouthiminmydailygrind" lets not forget "Whenyoufoughttoliveforthisboyandnowheisgoingwhylive?" OK OK I'm not going to end my life because Jack is leaving for college, but for christs sake what the fuck is my purpose now?  I am struggling, struggling with so many things right now. I know my struggle on paper is nothing compared to so many other people.  My weight, my hair, my boy, my heart, my future.  I want to just get to the point where I can just take him and drop him off.  Rush through this summer and get it over with, pull off the bandaid quick and start the new chap...
Read more