Love...

-
I remember this moment, telling myself to look ahead at my soon to be husband.  I had been to weddings where the bride was looking at who was there,  almost waving to their audience.  I didnt want that this day.  I looked for Tim, and eyed him with as much love I could muster.  I think you can see it.  My Dad.. well he was I think was trying his hardest not to cry.  I imagine him looking at my Mother, straight ahead, with Love in his heart for both me and the family they had created together.  I remember holding his arm, intentionally tight.. so he would never ever forget this moment.  This is Love.
How fortunate am i to have known them all.....?
Make me sweaty, butterflies in my stomach, cant wait to see you Love.
I don't want to know life without you, I think about your well being, and your smile really makes my day, kind of love.
I've had Love that came in all forms, the kissing at red lights, missing the greens,
Stay awake all night talking on the phone,
Cried next to, held hands with, sat quietly with kind of love.
rocked babies that coughed and coughed,
kissed booboos and dried tears from broken hearts.
Loved from afar. Teenage love, mid twenties love, mid thirties love.
Love for my parents, my brothers, my family.
Friends that I have loved forever it seems, and friends that suddenly appear and fit like a puzzle piece.
Love for my first husband which was everything I thought it was supposed to be, but wasnt.
Then love for my Andy which was supposed to be nothing and is now Everything.
People I LOVED, and then to find out...
Weren't meant to be in my life forever.
What I do for Love, is unknown...
It has never been a burden for me.  I havent felt the need to keep a count of the things I DO for my Loves.  Because those days, minutes, hours years devoted to feeling others,
Is what makes me want more.
To bend when others bend, to lie down next to them and know they are truly happy, or broken.
To be trusted with their own empty places..
when my broken heart was theirs.
That to me is LOVE. 
Good days, and bad days...
A rainy Wednesday night or Valentines day.
It doesnt matter..  I love...
So now that I have grown somewhat out of the "roll in the hay" Love...
Knowing that I am capable of so much more than having great  kissing skills..
unless of course they are my sweet boys
"sweet dreams"
"You are my sunshine"
and my handsome husband.
I am confident in my ability to give and receive love.
A favorite poem, which is about all of my LOVES in this world, and the next .


Love feels no burden,
thinks nothing of trouble,
attempts what is above its strength,
pleads no excuse of impossibility...
It is therefore able to undertake all things,
and it completes many things,
and warrants them to take effect,
where he who does not love would faint and lie down.
Love is watchful and sleeping, slumbereth not.
Though weary, it is not tired;
though pressed, it is not straitened;
though alarmed, it is not confounded...

- Thomas A. Kempis -


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Kiss

-
Image
  It has been 75 days. When I went to bed at night I would cry, every night.  My Mom would begin the process of "bedtime" at least 30 minutes before I actually had to go to my room.  She would give me the countdown. "Next commercial break"  "Ten more minutes"  "Go get your last drink of water" Some nights she would begin to doze and I would squeeze another 10 minutes until the dreaded bed time. Then began the process.  We would go to my room, which was only 12 feet from the living room in all actuality, but it was miles in my little girl heart.  Mom would pull down the covers, tuck me in, give me all of my comfort things and then I would cry.  The more she tried to make me comfortable with the thought of sleeping, alone, the harder I would cry.  If she would just say go to bed, it would have been easier. We would say my prayers together, Our Father, Hail Mary and then all of the God Bless's. The God Blesses were my definite way to get her to ...
Read more

Ayla

-
Image
 When I was in High School my best friend was Amy.  I don't remember how we met or where, but somehow we just clicked.  I believe it was probably on the patio where in the 1980's you could go outside and smoke cigarettes with your friends on free mods or breaks.  Yep those were the days.   We were in 10th grade which made us 15.  I smoked Parliament light 100's  with the recessed filters (IYKYK) and she smoked Benson and Hedges.  She was a cheerleader that was so far from the "cheerleader" type it would crack us up.  We wrote notes in those days, scraps of paper that we would purge our daily trials onto, fold in some triangular football shape and pass to one another in the hall.  We could fill a note throughout the day and then I would throw it into a box for the ages to find someday.  We were able to talk endlessly about music, people, boyfriends, animals, school, college, parents, divorce, siblings, hours of chat.  We al...
Read more

No, not that.

-
Image
 Lets talk about graduation parties!  Should I order the chicken scampi or marsala for the chicken dish?  Cakes and cupcakes or cookies?  DJ or photo booth or both? So we decorate the cake with Wyoming Seminary as a graduate or Penn State as his college destination? No, we wont talk about that.  You know, the "drophimoffandleavehimtherepart" or the "Ihaveabsolutelynopurposewithouthiminmydailygrind" lets not forget "Whenyoufoughttoliveforthisboyandnowheisgoingwhylive?" OK OK I'm not going to end my life because Jack is leaving for college, but for christs sake what the fuck is my purpose now?  I am struggling, struggling with so many things right now. I know my struggle on paper is nothing compared to so many other people.  My weight, my hair, my boy, my heart, my future.  I want to just get to the point where I can just take him and drop him off.  Rush through this summer and get it over with, pull off the bandaid quick and start the new chap...
Read more