Normal??
How is it that wanting to be "normal" can stretch to such lengths?
I remember after finally coming home after all the post Jack events wanting everyone to leave so we could find our "normal".
My chest hurt where my incision was and my leg ached where the vessel was harvested, my c section hurt but I just wanted to be NORMAL.
I waddled around my kitchen and made bottles for our baby, ironed the girls uniforms and did my best to look and feel as if EVERYTHING IS JUST FINE HERE. KEEP MOVING ... NOTHING TO SEE HERE.
What was normal before, was no longer.
Here we are 7 years later and still trying to figure out what is OUR NORMAL. Nothing to look at here gang we are just rolling along trying to stay out of LIFES way.
This weekend was a good one. We enjoyed the company of really cool Moms and Dads
People I have grown to trust with our boy. Trust with my family.
It is hard to expose yourselves to groups of people when you don't know how they will react or respond to your sons behaviors.
It is most definitely a trust issue.
I trust these people. They care about Jack, and me, and our family.
I was able to relax a bit. I like them.
Jack played with a bunch of "typical" children ... and apparently... was fine.
Well maybe he wasn't quite "typical" but pretty close.
Close enough..
Like horseshoes and grenades .... Close counts.
He played soccer this morning , and to me.. this is where ADHD, ADD, Autism don' t exist.
When he is playing.. he s tuned in, and loves it.
He is good too. Here is a pic of he and his pal. I took this one because it shows how DIRTY they were.
I can't express how happy this makes me.
He and his pal had a perfect play today. Jack moved the ball down the field, His buddy kicked it in.
It took teamwork, cooperation, coordination.
They had it. He had it. I am beyond words when these small miracles of NORMAL occur.
The other is of he and his bud Anna.
Anna is his best pal Micheal's sister. They have their own friendship. They were lying in the bouncy house just chatting. Couldn't tell you what it was about, but she listens to him... repeat himself, stutter, and ramble.
He listens to her talk about the trees and imaginary things. PERFECT COUPLE.
I took the picture and then they were off. To different sides.
Done chatting for today.
Back to Jack playing Captain America with the boys.
Tonight he wanted to watch videos about firemen,
Daddy found EMERGENCY on youtube.
He watched, asked questions, made observations.
He wants to be a fireman when he grows up.
You go do that Jack.
With all the time I have spent in the past trying to look normal... did I miss something?
Am I better off being the family that just isn't quite CENTER?
Does it make us/me interesting?
I don't ever want to feel that desperation that I felt those months after... I didn't like being special.
I didn't want to think.... "This doesnt happen to other people, why is this happening to us?"
I just wanted to get back to something that wasn't so noteworthy.
SO tonight, I may not be striving for NORMAL anymore, I don' t think there is such a thing.
But I am so happy to not be recognizable in a crowd, for this weekend we were just us, a small group of three with a cute little blond in the middle that was just plain old us.
Not too big, not too small but JUST RIGHT.
My chest hurt where my incision was and my leg ached where the vessel was harvested, my c section hurt but I just wanted to be NORMAL.
I waddled around my kitchen and made bottles for our baby, ironed the girls uniforms and did my best to look and feel as if EVERYTHING IS JUST FINE HERE. KEEP MOVING ... NOTHING TO SEE HERE.
What was normal before, was no longer.
Here we are 7 years later and still trying to figure out what is OUR NORMAL. Nothing to look at here gang we are just rolling along trying to stay out of LIFES way.
This weekend was a good one. We enjoyed the company of really cool Moms and Dads
People I have grown to trust with our boy. Trust with my family.
It is hard to expose yourselves to groups of people when you don't know how they will react or respond to your sons behaviors.
It is most definitely a trust issue.
I trust these people. They care about Jack, and me, and our family.
I was able to relax a bit. I like them.
Jack played with a bunch of "typical" children ... and apparently... was fine.
Well maybe he wasn't quite "typical" but pretty close.
Close enough..
Like horseshoes and grenades .... Close counts.
He played soccer this morning , and to me.. this is where ADHD, ADD, Autism don' t exist.
When he is playing.. he s tuned in, and loves it.
He is good too. Here is a pic of he and his pal. I took this one because it shows how DIRTY they were.
I can't express how happy this makes me.
He and his pal had a perfect play today. Jack moved the ball down the field, His buddy kicked it in.
It took teamwork, cooperation, coordination.
They had it. He had it. I am beyond words when these small miracles of NORMAL occur.
The other is of he and his bud Anna.
Anna is his best pal Micheal's sister. They have their own friendship. They were lying in the bouncy house just chatting. Couldn't tell you what it was about, but she listens to him... repeat himself, stutter, and ramble.
He listens to her talk about the trees and imaginary things. PERFECT COUPLE.
I took the picture and then they were off. To different sides.
Done chatting for today.
Back to Jack playing Captain America with the boys.
Tonight he wanted to watch videos about firemen,
Daddy found EMERGENCY on youtube.
He watched, asked questions, made observations.
He wants to be a fireman when he grows up.
You go do that Jack.
With all the time I have spent in the past trying to look normal... did I miss something?
Am I better off being the family that just isn't quite CENTER?
Does it make us/me interesting?
I don't ever want to feel that desperation that I felt those months after... I didn't like being special.
I didn't want to think.... "This doesnt happen to other people, why is this happening to us?"
I just wanted to get back to something that wasn't so noteworthy.
SO tonight, I may not be striving for NORMAL anymore, I don' t think there is such a thing.
But I am so happy to not be recognizable in a crowd, for this weekend we were just us, a small group of three with a cute little blond in the middle that was just plain old us.
Not too big, not too small but JUST RIGHT.
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