national fears day?...

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It is national fears day.
A day to recognize your fears... and then what?
I saw it in a sidebar while on the computer.  Do we need a national day to recognize our fears? 
Aren't they readily available at any time?
Mine are.
They are there when I wake up in the morning and check my cell phone... making sure I didnt miss a call from someone while I slept.
They are in the mirror after a shower, as red scars that sometimes surprise me.  SCARE me.
Fears of being alone, and sometimes afraid to NEVER be alone.
Fears of falling apart, emotionally, spiritually, physically.
Fears of my girls going through what I have, and then again afraid they won't have as much as I have had.
JACK FEARS-FILL ME< then empty me again.  Until I am left with the boy and fears of getting to tomorrow.
I have posted a picture from my walk early Sunday morning.  I don't walk enough ( which scares me)  but when I do I feel great.
I walked along the river and perched upon the wall above the cemetery.  My favorite spot.  I set there and ponder the water, wildlife, music rolling in my head from the ipod.
I contemplate my feelings for the moment, happy, sad, lonely, bored, discontent, satisfied.
Which usually changes as easily as the tunes on the shuffle playlist.
The constants remain.
"Walk more Suzie, It will help you live longer."
"Eat less Suz, you will feel better and look better, and certainly fear less."
I don't fear the dying part, I fear the loss part.
I don't fear the end I fear the  "Near the end"
I dont regret the journey, or the paths, I fear the footprints I have left along the way.
Never have I felt more ALIVE than when I was challenged, afraid, or broken.
Ease gives birth to mediocrity.  Or acceptance of it.

I really like this picture with my crazy purple sneakers.
I walked to my spot, chuffed my puffy body up this walkway to my spot at the top and plumfed on down.
I look over one side tot he river rolling on by.  Quietly, swirling its way onto another place, under someone elses feet.
I look over the other side to the cemetery where nothing is moving other than the fall leaves blowing off the trees and squirrels planning their midwinter meals.
Which way do you go Suz?  Do we look forward to the river and keep rolling along, swirl and dodge whatever may come between me and the future?
Or do we roll off the wall, slide down the hill and just lie in the grass upon dead peoples graves, awaiting the day God says enough is enough?
Fear not all that real along!!!
I choose the road yet to be traveled, purple sneaks on foot!
I will walk and contemplate the latest list of "worries" and sing along with the shuffle PLAY.
Kicking leaves as I imagine my troubles wrapped up among them, moving them forward in the path of that is to be my life.

Boy I sure was pent up tonight...
I should feel like a million bucks after this one.
ahhh maybe a buck fifty.

I do love you guys, whoever you might be.  Thanks for listening.


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