Yup still here.
My girl Allie came home from work today, after a twelve hour shift in the ICU, exhausted. I remember my Dad saying when I would come home... "Kill anyone today?" "No?.. Then it was a good day."
I asked her that the other day.
and she answered " I was the nurse for a family today as they withdrew life support."
We are quickly approaching the six year anniversary of my Dads "withdrawal of life support."
August 9th.
I remember that event as if it happened yesterday, yet thankfully I dont think of it everyday. Sometimes I can go days without thoughts of THAT event. But certainly not a day goes by without thinking of my Dad.
What would he think of our girls, and our beautiful boy.?
All of our kids have changed so much since that last day.
Is he watching and seeing our ups and down?
Does he know we aren't forgetting him.?
Allie was telling me the story of the family letting their Dad go the other day. It wrenched at my gut and makes my heart ache again like it hasnt in a while. But then the visions of Leah OUR NURSE that day came to mind. How caring and thoughtful she was during the process. How she gave us such great support and kind words.
That young lady Leah, who I will be grateful for forever-our Allie is someone elses LEAH.
Allie has now become THAT person. for another broken family.
I am THAT person for a few families.
I know how important that position is.
Her patients family brought her ribbons for her hair a few days later. rolls and rolls of ribbons.
Irreplaceable, unforgettable.
Our boy is as beautiful as ever, and is full of questions.
The other day he asked me if "we would ever ever never never see Pop again?"
I explained that I like to think we will all be together someday-We were on our way to Philadelphia to see a specialist concerning his Autism/adhd. It was a stressful trip and both Nana and I were nervous.. etc. Then he said that.
I think Pop knows what we are up to and likes to send us little messages. He hears us, sees what we are up to and wants us to know everything will be ok.
I have had some deep disappointment in a couple of friends this summer. Truly broke my heart. I think that I have had a few new friends pop up.. just in time. Why do we have to go through these trials? Why do people change and do really screwed up things?
I guess a lesson is learned, and I can take it in stride.
I am hunkering down though, I am closing my circle tight, and keeping my proverbial bubble even smaller. Those that are in my "space" whether it is once a week, once a month, once a year or every 25 years, I know... from here on out... they want to be with me. Good Suzie, Bad Suzie I am on their side.
Talking with my Mom about what happened with my old friends, she comforted me by reminding me that I am the lucky one. I have so many loves in my life, I am so full and blessed that I don't need all the "bells and whistles" others need. I do have all that-I am all that. Its all good.
So to my family that I don't get to see enough, I love you.
To my friends that understand me, and accept me as I have always been. Love you.
I don't need to make any excuses and I won't. No need.
As Birthdays and Anniversaries of all kinds apporach, I think how much I hate August and Love it all the same.
My Jack will be 7, my heart attack will be 7 also.
Dad gone 6.
Its going to be ok. We are ok.
I asked her that the other day.
and she answered " I was the nurse for a family today as they withdrew life support."
We are quickly approaching the six year anniversary of my Dads "withdrawal of life support."
August 9th.
I remember that event as if it happened yesterday, yet thankfully I dont think of it everyday. Sometimes I can go days without thoughts of THAT event. But certainly not a day goes by without thinking of my Dad.
What would he think of our girls, and our beautiful boy.?
All of our kids have changed so much since that last day.
Is he watching and seeing our ups and down?
Does he know we aren't forgetting him.?
Allie was telling me the story of the family letting their Dad go the other day. It wrenched at my gut and makes my heart ache again like it hasnt in a while. But then the visions of Leah OUR NURSE that day came to mind. How caring and thoughtful she was during the process. How she gave us such great support and kind words.
That young lady Leah, who I will be grateful for forever-our Allie is someone elses LEAH.
Allie has now become THAT person. for another broken family.
I am THAT person for a few families.
I know how important that position is.
Her patients family brought her ribbons for her hair a few days later. rolls and rolls of ribbons.
Irreplaceable, unforgettable.
Our boy is as beautiful as ever, and is full of questions.
The other day he asked me if "we would ever ever never never see Pop again?"
I explained that I like to think we will all be together someday-We were on our way to Philadelphia to see a specialist concerning his Autism/adhd. It was a stressful trip and both Nana and I were nervous.. etc. Then he said that.
I think Pop knows what we are up to and likes to send us little messages. He hears us, sees what we are up to and wants us to know everything will be ok.
I have had some deep disappointment in a couple of friends this summer. Truly broke my heart. I think that I have had a few new friends pop up.. just in time. Why do we have to go through these trials? Why do people change and do really screwed up things?
I guess a lesson is learned, and I can take it in stride.
I am hunkering down though, I am closing my circle tight, and keeping my proverbial bubble even smaller. Those that are in my "space" whether it is once a week, once a month, once a year or every 25 years, I know... from here on out... they want to be with me. Good Suzie, Bad Suzie I am on their side.
Talking with my Mom about what happened with my old friends, she comforted me by reminding me that I am the lucky one. I have so many loves in my life, I am so full and blessed that I don't need all the "bells and whistles" others need. I do have all that-I am all that. Its all good.
So to my family that I don't get to see enough, I love you.
To my friends that understand me, and accept me as I have always been. Love you.
I don't need to make any excuses and I won't. No need.
As Birthdays and Anniversaries of all kinds apporach, I think how much I hate August and Love it all the same.
My Jack will be 7, my heart attack will be 7 also.
Dad gone 6.
Its going to be ok. We are ok.
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