So heres the story.
I was really really scared.
I don't want to leave any of you.
I am so deeply in love with the characters in my life I am not ready to leave.
And now my heart is now in good shape. The same shape it was in when I left the OP seven almost years ago. I have a totally blocked Right coronary artery but ancillary vessels ahve taken up the work. My grafts are still patent. great news. I have to lose fifty pounds and exercise everyday. I can do that if I can recall how scary it is to think you are going o die within the next few minutes.
Walk... and walk quickly ... or die.
hmmm.
I believe I need to walk, maybe even run for the next few days, weeks, years.
So now what to do?
The last time I had the shit scared out of me I was jsut so glad to go home and be with my newborn baby and teen age girls.
I am still that thrilled believe me. I couldn't wait to get into my bed and have my girls and boy come visit me. Except now I have to beleive that if I don't do what I want now.. I may never do it?
You know the bucket list thing.
How much time do we all really have? No one is assured any amount of time.
Perfectly healthy, skinny, running, smoothie drinking vegans die all the time.
Their bucket lists may not have begun.
My bucket list has quite a few things on it that need tending to. Who am I supposed to talk to about these things that have to be done? Need I ask permission from someone or do I just work them into my schedule, be sure I have a sitter and go do my bucket list things?
Am I selfish for wanting these adventures to maybe include someone other than my husband?
Should I plan these adventures out or just go with it?
Should I use my credit card and just go or should I save my money and wait for the RIGHT TIME?
Hmmmm
JoAnn and I have an adventure coming our way, I dont know what I want to do with her but she is going to definitely be a copilot on one of these adventures.
Maybe 5 museums in 7 days. Philadelphia, New Yorkx3, Washington DC x2. Yes Joann will be on that jaunt. OK so that is one.
A tropical island with beach sand surf sun and cocktails with just the girls. Mom, Cathy Mandy my sister in laws, both sides, cousins daughters. Just a laugh fest sunny days without end breezy tropical evenings with calypso music. Maybe play a few rounds of Pottstown rummy under a big umbrella while sipping margarita's?
Pacific coast highway with my daughters. All the cool Cali beaches and vistas overlooking the Pacific. Stop for awesome views great pictures and a week of seaside hotels with sunset walks and talks that they will remember for a lifetime. share with their daughters someday how much their nana LOVES them. Great food, read some books, meet cool interesting adventurous people.
Certainly not politically correct but I want to spend more time with Tim.
He is my oldest friend, and now I can call him my friend again. He loves the most important people in my life as much as I do so, naturally- I feel very good when we are together sharing our happy times. No need to redo the old bad stuff... hey this is my bucket list I can have it any way i want right?
Ok so now that I dont feel as though I am goin gto die tooo soon. I am wanting to start over a bit and feel better about where I am at in my life.
What does that mean officially? Don't know yet, but be aware.. I may knock on YOUR door to check off something from my bucket list-are you ready?
Love that I have the best support and people that love me as much as they do. Sometimes I have to wonder how and why this comes my way. I am a lucky girl.
I was really really scared.
I don't want to leave any of you.
I am so deeply in love with the characters in my life I am not ready to leave.
And now my heart is now in good shape. The same shape it was in when I left the OP seven almost years ago. I have a totally blocked Right coronary artery but ancillary vessels ahve taken up the work. My grafts are still patent. great news. I have to lose fifty pounds and exercise everyday. I can do that if I can recall how scary it is to think you are going o die within the next few minutes.
Walk... and walk quickly ... or die.
hmmm.
I believe I need to walk, maybe even run for the next few days, weeks, years.
So now what to do?
The last time I had the shit scared out of me I was jsut so glad to go home and be with my newborn baby and teen age girls.
I am still that thrilled believe me. I couldn't wait to get into my bed and have my girls and boy come visit me. Except now I have to beleive that if I don't do what I want now.. I may never do it?
You know the bucket list thing.
How much time do we all really have? No one is assured any amount of time.
Perfectly healthy, skinny, running, smoothie drinking vegans die all the time.
Their bucket lists may not have begun.
Am I selfish for wanting these adventures to maybe include someone other than my husband?
Should I plan these adventures out or just go with it?
Should I use my credit card and just go or should I save my money and wait for the RIGHT TIME?
Hmmmm
JoAnn and I have an adventure coming our way, I dont know what I want to do with her but she is going to definitely be a copilot on one of these adventures.
Maybe 5 museums in 7 days. Philadelphia, New Yorkx3, Washington DC x2. Yes Joann will be on that jaunt. OK so that is one.
A tropical island with beach sand surf sun and cocktails with just the girls. Mom, Cathy Mandy my sister in laws, both sides, cousins daughters. Just a laugh fest sunny days without end breezy tropical evenings with calypso music. Maybe play a few rounds of Pottstown rummy under a big umbrella while sipping margarita's?
Pacific coast highway with my daughters. All the cool Cali beaches and vistas overlooking the Pacific. Stop for awesome views great pictures and a week of seaside hotels with sunset walks and talks that they will remember for a lifetime. share with their daughters someday how much their nana LOVES them. Great food, read some books, meet cool interesting adventurous people.
Certainly not politically correct but I want to spend more time with Tim.
He is my oldest friend, and now I can call him my friend again. He loves the most important people in my life as much as I do so, naturally- I feel very good when we are together sharing our happy times. No need to redo the old bad stuff... hey this is my bucket list I can have it any way i want right?
Ok so now that I dont feel as though I am goin gto die tooo soon. I am wanting to start over a bit and feel better about where I am at in my life.
What does that mean officially? Don't know yet, but be aware.. I may knock on YOUR door to check off something from my bucket list-are you ready?
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