Ok Its time.
I know I know.
I have spent alot of YEARS on this blog talking about my Dad. You have heard it all.
Where are you?
Do you miss me?
Can you see us?
Can you hear me talk to you?
Did you hear all of us that day, those days?
Does any of it matter now? Does any of it matter.. at all?
There are days, moments, more than others that.. HIS life feels CLOSER, than others.
Maybe LIFE isnt the right word, but Dads spirit, vibe, being, charm is right next to me.
Could it be a memory or a smell that brings him so close to my sense of "DAD".?
My son will dance a few steps, tap his foot and rub his belly, look at me... then smile.
Not to subtract from Jack , but is that you Dad? Can jacks mannerisms that so bring you back to me, be you reminding me to remember you?
While Tim and I sat in the audience last week while Alllie was nominated and received the honor of student ambassador, Could you hear me? I was talking to you, in my head, like a prayer.
"Please Dad, if I ever wanted you here it is now, please see this, you would be so proud. She is so beautiful, so smart, and truly everything we ever wished for. Please see her today."
Tonight she attended her first Board of Trustees Meeting.
Please sit in the back of the room at these meetings she attends.
I cant go, and shouldn't go, but she needs you there whispering to her that she is Sunshine on a rainy day. And to smile.
I am grown and have come to accept that you are not coming to my house for coffee.
I make bad coffee anyway. You know that.
No spooky ghost message there.
In conclusion, Im letting whoever is listening know,
That Its time..
TIme to stop wondering about where Pop is..
Im done wondering, and waiting for answers.
I have decided, that he is...
Wherever I want him to be.
Whether he spent the last eight months in the sand with Danny, reminding him that he was LOVED every minute, day and night.
Whether he was sitting with my Mom watching tv with her when she least expected it. Giving her courage when she thought no one was listening.
Maybe he is with me when Im walking along the river listening to music, or snuggling with Jack in bed, or laughing at my crazy husband when he does so many ANDY THINGS.
When I look at old men, alone in grocery stores and I imagine that as him, maybe Dad is the voice that tells not to be mad at them for living (because I do that) .
We watched Field of Dreams the other night, Allie never saw it.
If I build it will you come?
"Ease his Pain"
I dont think we had any pain to ease, I dont beleive we had unfinished business. So there is nothing to build.
Maybe we just have to keep building our lives, do the next right things and he will come.
In short visits of a perfect song, whiff of smoke, a belly laugh, a proud moment, a healthy Marine.
Maybe that is it,?
Thats enough.
For today, anyway.
I really really LOVED him.
Good thing is I know he REALLY REALLY LOVED me too.
He LOVED us all.
Night all.
I have spent alot of YEARS on this blog talking about my Dad. You have heard it all.
Where are you?
Do you miss me?
Can you see us?
Can you hear me talk to you?
Did you hear all of us that day, those days?
Does any of it matter now? Does any of it matter.. at all?
There are days, moments, more than others that.. HIS life feels CLOSER, than others.
Maybe LIFE isnt the right word, but Dads spirit, vibe, being, charm is right next to me.
Could it be a memory or a smell that brings him so close to my sense of "DAD".?
My son will dance a few steps, tap his foot and rub his belly, look at me... then smile.
Not to subtract from Jack , but is that you Dad? Can jacks mannerisms that so bring you back to me, be you reminding me to remember you?
While Tim and I sat in the audience last week while Alllie was nominated and received the honor of student ambassador, Could you hear me? I was talking to you, in my head, like a prayer.
"Please Dad, if I ever wanted you here it is now, please see this, you would be so proud. She is so beautiful, so smart, and truly everything we ever wished for. Please see her today."
Tonight she attended her first Board of Trustees Meeting.
Please sit in the back of the room at these meetings she attends.
I cant go, and shouldn't go, but she needs you there whispering to her that she is Sunshine on a rainy day. And to smile.
I am grown and have come to accept that you are not coming to my house for coffee.
I make bad coffee anyway. You know that.
No spooky ghost message there.
In conclusion, Im letting whoever is listening know,
That Its time..
TIme to stop wondering about where Pop is..
Im done wondering, and waiting for answers.
I have decided, that he is...
Wherever I want him to be.
Whether he spent the last eight months in the sand with Danny, reminding him that he was LOVED every minute, day and night.
Whether he was sitting with my Mom watching tv with her when she least expected it. Giving her courage when she thought no one was listening.
Maybe he is with me when Im walking along the river listening to music, or snuggling with Jack in bed, or laughing at my crazy husband when he does so many ANDY THINGS.
When I look at old men, alone in grocery stores and I imagine that as him, maybe Dad is the voice that tells not to be mad at them for living (because I do that) .
We watched Field of Dreams the other night, Allie never saw it.
If I build it will you come?
"Ease his Pain"
I dont think we had any pain to ease, I dont beleive we had unfinished business. So there is nothing to build.
Maybe we just have to keep building our lives, do the next right things and he will come.
In short visits of a perfect song, whiff of smoke, a belly laugh, a proud moment, a healthy Marine.
Maybe that is it,?
Thats enough.
For today, anyway.
I really really LOVED him.
Good thing is I know he REALLY REALLY LOVED me too.
He LOVED us all.
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