There is heat in my tears.
Danny was greeted by my brother, Anzie and Ben last Monday afternoon. He is now on US soil and not in danger of Afghani's shooting or bombing him to bits. As an Aunt I have some right to cry, and breath heavy about his whereabouts, but I am not his Mother or Father. That.. my friends would be a heartbreaker. I have shed tears during his deployment, tears of unknown and the reality of danger in his path. I cried for his parents feelings of no control and fear that wakes you in the middle of the night. These tears I shed in fear taste the same as the tears I shed when I saw pictures of his smiling face as he greeted his family after 8 long months. I cried salty warm tears of joy at his healthy body, and sparkling eyes.
The tears I cry for the loss of my friends husband are the same tears I cry when I retell the story to my husband, how grateful I am to have him in my life.
Tears of joy and loneliness,
tears of pride and loss,
drops from my heart when it weeps for strangers, and babies.
wet thoughts that seep from my eyes when my brain is too full of regret.
7 minutes of unabashed crying is good for you, someone told me.
but at 7 minutes pull your shit together, and move on.
7 minutes is just enough time, I usually feel silly around 6 minutes, timing myself and the proper amount it takes to fall apart and pull back together again.
I cry sometimes when I see my body.
All fat, bloated and distorted from what I imagine my body to look like,
I sound really depressed?
No just purging.
speaking of purging, I wish I could vomit to lose weight, but I like to eat so much that I would puke then want to eat again. I guess that is the idea after all. eat, purge, eat again?
purging, crying, Im talking about letting go I guess.
Letting go of the pent up stuff that I keep burying down, a good idea might be to not do that anymore.
But I dont know what is down there, tying me up and binding my ability to change?
Is it my past, that I have regrets about? Is it my future that I have few plans for? Is it fear of change? Is it just plain old laziness?
maybe I just dont have what it takes to change, to eat right, exercise, you know take care of myself.
O ther fat people lose weight everyday. Fat people that no one ever thought could be courageous, ARE.
Anyway,
try a 7 minute crying jag, but remember to time yourself, see how you feel at 6 and a half minutes.
Dont over eat, you feel like shit and look really bad in clothes and no one looks at you anymore. You become invisible when you are fat even when you are the BIGGEST THING in the room.
Now I am going to wrap up this post because it is a mess.
An over ambitious, too many topics, premenopausal, hormone filled fat girl post.
The tears I cry for the loss of my friends husband are the same tears I cry when I retell the story to my husband, how grateful I am to have him in my life.
Tears of joy and loneliness,
tears of pride and loss,
drops from my heart when it weeps for strangers, and babies.
wet thoughts that seep from my eyes when my brain is too full of regret.
7 minutes of unabashed crying is good for you, someone told me.
but at 7 minutes pull your shit together, and move on.
7 minutes is just enough time, I usually feel silly around 6 minutes, timing myself and the proper amount it takes to fall apart and pull back together again.
I cry sometimes when I see my body.
All fat, bloated and distorted from what I imagine my body to look like,
I sound really depressed?
No just purging.
speaking of purging, I wish I could vomit to lose weight, but I like to eat so much that I would puke then want to eat again. I guess that is the idea after all. eat, purge, eat again?
purging, crying, Im talking about letting go I guess.
Letting go of the pent up stuff that I keep burying down, a good idea might be to not do that anymore.
But I dont know what is down there, tying me up and binding my ability to change?
Is it my past, that I have regrets about? Is it my future that I have few plans for? Is it fear of change? Is it just plain old laziness?
maybe I just dont have what it takes to change, to eat right, exercise, you know take care of myself.
O ther fat people lose weight everyday. Fat people that no one ever thought could be courageous, ARE.
Anyway,
try a 7 minute crying jag, but remember to time yourself, see how you feel at 6 and a half minutes.
Dont over eat, you feel like shit and look really bad in clothes and no one looks at you anymore. You become invisible when you are fat even when you are the BIGGEST THING in the room.
Now I am going to wrap up this post because it is a mess.
An over ambitious, too many topics, premenopausal, hormone filled fat girl post.
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