Flaming June's Love

I reached for sleep and drew it round me like a blanket muffling pain and thought together in the merciful dark. Mary Stewart I have always loved to sleep. The reason for my desire to sleep has been ever changing. As a teenager I remember falling asleep and waking in the same position, my blankets hardly moved. That was good sleep. I would not want to get up in the morning and my father would come in and literally pull me out of bed onto the floor. He didnt care if I was complaining or not, he would pull off the blankets and out I would come. I loved to hate that. I Love to remember those mornings now. When I was married to Tim I would spend my evenings alone, watching tv. He was tired and I was lonely. I would sleep most nights on the couch because I didnt want to lie next to him and have his back to me all night. It was sad. I remember not wanting to sleep because I didnt want to wake up in the morning to my life being the same. That is sad too. Then I recall a period of t...

I am 44 years old. Since 1983, lets see, I have fallen in love. I have gone on vacations. I have carried children in my body and given birth to them. I have held women's hands as they gave birth to their own children. I have watched people cry, laugh, love and be afraid. I myself have been broken hearted, more than once. Yet the joys in my life have far far outweighed those down times. I remember a day in January as a junior in High School. It had been a snow day but we all were at the High School gym at a wrestling match. I was at the time hanging around with my neighbor Greg. We would go out together to parties or just hang out on his porch and talk. That night we went to the wrestling match and were pseudo-snuggling in the bleachers with a gang of kids. I remember going out to the hallway outside the gym together and heading outside to have a smoke. (yes in those days you could smoke on school property at any age!) As we stood outside a group of girls came up to us and...

This handsome guy I met online. I saw his picture with this smile and those dimples and just had to have him. Well life has been exciting and interesting and frustrating and right to the edge of living and dying with him. Some days I can leave him and feel as if I would never look back. Other days I cant take my eyes off him and he makes me laugh until I cry. We spent our 24 hours together away in New Hope. I enjoyed every minute of it. We talked, and talked. and listened. We actually didnt talk about the kids either. We talked about what each of else thinks about , books we are reading, the people we saw, food and drink we were having. Antiques we saw, things from our past and things we want in the future. It was a needed getaway. He is beautiful, smarter than anyone I know. He is totally in Love with me. Ha, funny but true. Okay so we all know in a few days when things get a little rough, Ill be ready to bail. He wont let me. Im glad for that. Love my Mr T. love his dimples even...

My family as it always was and always will be.\ That party was one of the highlights of my life. Pulling of that surprise and everyone having such a great time was awesome. I looked pretty darn hot too I must say! Loved my girls gold dresses they were and remain the most beautiful girls I have ever seen. The pics of them on their bikes is just so them. I wouldnt mind five minutes back there. Christmas 200, Allie was beginning to look like a young lady and Missi as sweet as ever. My Dad with the girls they were 2 and 4 at the time. Missi eating cheez doodles from a cup and allie looking as innocent as ever. These are happy memories. We are making happy memories now also. Every minute.

Andy and I are going away tomorrow night for one night. We are going to a quaint little town with antique shops and coffee houses. We are staying in a bed and breakfast and I cant wait. I am losing touch with him. I feel very detached from most everyone. I have withdrawn a bit with the stress of getting Jack settled into school. Now that he is definately on the right track , I am not. I went to my Obgyn yesterday and I told him my feelings of up and down. were they hormonal or pre-menopausal? He said he could put me on an antidepressant, I opted not on that idea, at his point anyway. I think I need to make a conscious effort to take care of myself. I need to be in the minute and not think too far ahead and drag myself down with things that may not happen. So.. Andy and I will get out of town and head to New Hope for a night of grown up talk. I am grateful my Mom and daughters are going to watch jack for us. Maybe I will come back refreshed and a new woman.?

Sorry about the massive delay. We had a lovely Thanksgiving. Had a blessed Christmas, and quiet New Years eve. The kids seemed happy with their gifts, as I was. I received some beautiful thoughtful gifts. Mary Cassatt books, homemade Jewelry box from jack and Andy. A robe that is cozy and comfy from my girlies. I received a homemade cd from brother Dan that really touches me. the music was sweet and deep. Im thinking the things hecant SAY out loud, he is SAYING in music. I love him for that. The holiday season was one I have been waiting to have for many years. We hosted Christmas at our house. We started with Christmas eve. My sister in law and nephews even stayed here for Santa to visit! Andy and I went to A friends house around 12 midnight and enjoyed a few beers. Then came home and got ready for the big day! Christmas day we had 25 people here. We also had breakfast, hors d'oeuvres, drinks of every shape and size, we had 10 am mamosa's which were awesome. Then we st...