From a to z
How many people did you see today?
How many people do you know their names?
How many would you say hello to if you saw them somewhere?
How many are hugworthy?
How many would you invite out for coffee?
How many to your home?
How many would your remember next year, two years, ten?
How many were family, and how many did you want to be family?
How many were lovers or were you just in momentary love with?
How many will you remember in your last minutes in this world?
I have been listing lately.
Not tilting list, but 1 to 10, a to z, most to least listing.
My favorite patients, I recall at most 5. Favorites because they taught me something about myself through I believe, divine intervention.
A patient that had a heart attack while visiting his son in the burn unit. I took care of the son but visited the father in the icu.
The son died, the father died a few hours later. I learned about a parents love of their child from him.
The Dad was in his eighties his son, in his sixties. Nevertheless, his heart was broken to see his son suffering, and when his "boy" passed away, he did too.
Walker was a patient I had when I was pregnant with Allie. He had a brain stem tumor which left him paralyzed and unable to speak.
He breathed on his own but it was tortuous to watch, and overnights even worse to listen to. He didnt speak, but we communicated through my talking and his blinking.
He would stare at my belly full of ALlie, I was at first freaked by it but one day took a chance and asked if he liked my big belly? He blinked emphatically.
I took his hand and put it on my belly.
He closed his eyes. I stood there, wondering, waiting for a sign to move his hand. He opened his eyes and looked at me. I saw a peace in his eyes I hadnt seen before.
My baby started rolling around. Stretching to hold onto something beyond herself and the confines of my abdomen.
He looked knowingly at me and I had visions of them being alike. stuck somewhere that couldnt contain them for too much longer with the brightest of places ahead of each of them.
Allie would arrive July 27 1989, Walker departed this world on the 26th. I remember telling her about my friend when she was a little girl and she told me, "Oh yeah I remember him!"
Harry- Harry was a patient in rehab for a long long time. He was diabetic so we spent time together for insulin checks and glucose monitoring. I remember seeing him for the first time. Six feet tall, greying red hair, well defined muscles green eyes and smile with dimples. He was smart, intuitive, well read and a raging alcoholic. So to me at the time he was perfect. My captive on Mon, Wed, Fri nights when we could just talk away about what we wanted someday. No room for judgement since we were not bound by anything. It was easy to believe I was in Love with him. He was my friend at a time when I didnt have many.
It wasn't until years later that I realized that I had crossed a line that should not have been crossed. He was in treatment to get something SOBRIETY, I was in treatment to be his NURSE. When we remet years later I realized it was the place we were in that made our relationship so magical. He taught me to see myself as a beautiful intelligent woman, no one had ever called me a woman before him. I grew up some with him, I will always think of him.
MaryEllen- She was my friend first. We were the kind of friends that would disagree and not talk for a week or two then be back together for a whole weekend. Our children were best friends that would fight for weeks as well. I remember her telling me she was losing weight, I thought that was great. We complained about our weight for years together. It wasnt until she showed me her bones ticking out that I realized she was really sick. It didnt take long to get it all together and know she was dying.
Colon cancer was taking my friend day by day and she was 48 when she was diagnosed. It wasnt long after that that our relationship changed. I pulled away from the friend part and became the nurse part. I tried to help her family and husband. I drove her to her appointments, radiation. I just couldnt be in her head anymore. It was too scary in there for me. I was newly brought back to this world and was too close to be reminded of "that place" We watched her shrink and fail, she promised to stay for Christmas and New Years, she did. She died Jan 10th 2007. 4 months after my Dad. My little boy was 15 months old and was her best therapy. He laid on the couch with her and he would fall right to sleep, she would hold him and kiss him and sing him little songs. When she died John called and said come quick. I ran down the street and she was gone in her bed. Jacks Picture right next to her with other pictures of her children and mine. I regret not being a better friend to her.
I have others as I sit and think. I am planning on listing for a while.
Maybe some of you will make my list?
My favorite relative?
My favorite subject?
Biggest regets A to Z? HMMMM
Apple pie
Bacon
Chheeseburgers
Devil Dogs
We will chat again soon Love to all.
How many people do you know their names?
How many would you say hello to if you saw them somewhere?
How many are hugworthy?
How many would you invite out for coffee?
How many to your home?
How many would your remember next year, two years, ten?
How many were family, and how many did you want to be family?
How many were lovers or were you just in momentary love with?
How many will you remember in your last minutes in this world?
I have been listing lately.
Not tilting list, but 1 to 10, a to z, most to least listing.
My favorite patients, I recall at most 5. Favorites because they taught me something about myself through I believe, divine intervention.
A patient that had a heart attack while visiting his son in the burn unit. I took care of the son but visited the father in the icu.
The son died, the father died a few hours later. I learned about a parents love of their child from him.
The Dad was in his eighties his son, in his sixties. Nevertheless, his heart was broken to see his son suffering, and when his "boy" passed away, he did too.
Walker was a patient I had when I was pregnant with Allie. He had a brain stem tumor which left him paralyzed and unable to speak.
He breathed on his own but it was tortuous to watch, and overnights even worse to listen to. He didnt speak, but we communicated through my talking and his blinking.
He would stare at my belly full of ALlie, I was at first freaked by it but one day took a chance and asked if he liked my big belly? He blinked emphatically.
I took his hand and put it on my belly.
He closed his eyes. I stood there, wondering, waiting for a sign to move his hand. He opened his eyes and looked at me. I saw a peace in his eyes I hadnt seen before.
My baby started rolling around. Stretching to hold onto something beyond herself and the confines of my abdomen.
He looked knowingly at me and I had visions of them being alike. stuck somewhere that couldnt contain them for too much longer with the brightest of places ahead of each of them.
Allie would arrive July 27 1989, Walker departed this world on the 26th. I remember telling her about my friend when she was a little girl and she told me, "Oh yeah I remember him!"
Harry- Harry was a patient in rehab for a long long time. He was diabetic so we spent time together for insulin checks and glucose monitoring. I remember seeing him for the first time. Six feet tall, greying red hair, well defined muscles green eyes and smile with dimples. He was smart, intuitive, well read and a raging alcoholic. So to me at the time he was perfect. My captive on Mon, Wed, Fri nights when we could just talk away about what we wanted someday. No room for judgement since we were not bound by anything. It was easy to believe I was in Love with him. He was my friend at a time when I didnt have many.
It wasn't until years later that I realized that I had crossed a line that should not have been crossed. He was in treatment to get something SOBRIETY, I was in treatment to be his NURSE. When we remet years later I realized it was the place we were in that made our relationship so magical. He taught me to see myself as a beautiful intelligent woman, no one had ever called me a woman before him. I grew up some with him, I will always think of him.
MaryEllen- She was my friend first. We were the kind of friends that would disagree and not talk for a week or two then be back together for a whole weekend. Our children were best friends that would fight for weeks as well. I remember her telling me she was losing weight, I thought that was great. We complained about our weight for years together. It wasnt until she showed me her bones ticking out that I realized she was really sick. It didnt take long to get it all together and know she was dying.
Colon cancer was taking my friend day by day and she was 48 when she was diagnosed. It wasnt long after that that our relationship changed. I pulled away from the friend part and became the nurse part. I tried to help her family and husband. I drove her to her appointments, radiation. I just couldnt be in her head anymore. It was too scary in there for me. I was newly brought back to this world and was too close to be reminded of "that place" We watched her shrink and fail, she promised to stay for Christmas and New Years, she did. She died Jan 10th 2007. 4 months after my Dad. My little boy was 15 months old and was her best therapy. He laid on the couch with her and he would fall right to sleep, she would hold him and kiss him and sing him little songs. When she died John called and said come quick. I ran down the street and she was gone in her bed. Jacks Picture right next to her with other pictures of her children and mine. I regret not being a better friend to her.
I have others as I sit and think. I am planning on listing for a while.
Maybe some of you will make my list?
My favorite relative?
My favorite subject?
Biggest regets A to Z? HMMMM
Apple pie
Bacon
Chheeseburgers
Devil Dogs
We will chat again soon Love to all.
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