A few new but really the same ol stuff.

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First off if you didnt know Eric Clapton is my all time favorite GUY. I love his music, I love his life story, his courage, what he represents to so many... Just an all around normal, yet amazing guy. I found this clip of a blues festival put together by Eric to benefit his addictions center. Love him and all of it. This clip is awesome if you have the ten or so minutes to give it. Just plop yourself in the middle of this event and escape for a few minutes like I did.

The next thing I got for you guys is a message from my Dad. Yeah here is the story. We were sitting on the back deck at the mountain house and as we were just chattin away a huge feather fell and landed right in my chair. I had just gotten up to check on Jack and felt something brush my shoulder but I thought it was a bug. I went to sit back down and there it was. OK so how is this message from my Dad. Hmmm....
Because I want it to be...
What does it mean?
Anything I want.
We went to a clairvoyant a day later and she did not speak to us or give "us" any specific message. But I took so much of what she said as not so much a "message from beyond" but a message about today. I looked around a packed theatre and every seat was filled with a broken heart. Everyone there had someone they missed, and loved enough to spend 70 bucks per ticket to have a stranger tell them that , son, father, mother, brother friend was okay and watching them and knows everything that is going on and is waiting for them, and most of all forgives them.
Almost every "message" contained the thought of forgiveness. Either the dead person forgave, Or for the living to forgive the dead person. Why cant we give ourselves that grain of forgiveness,? Why do we let our feelings of remorse, regret, sadness, guilt til the soil of our everyday.?
So... If my Dad is somewhere, (which I hope he is... somewhere.) Watching over all of us, and knows what is going on... and is filled with forgiveness and is not upset or angry with any of us, and is hanging out with his family who is ALSO watching over us, Why do I still feel so shitty. Yeah I still feel shitty. Not as often and not as soul wracking but yeah the thought of my Dad makes me feel bad, lonely, bottled up. I laugh often about the stuff that happened in his life or the crazy stuff, but the quiet in my head time is full of "catch my breath oh NO HES GONE" stuff.
I guess I should be glad I dont get alot of alone time.
So the clairvoyant was interesting and gave alot of insight into what her job is. She takes care of the broken hearted people until they can take care of themselves again. A woman sitting a few seats away from me was talking to either herself or a lost loved one when she sat down. "Im right here, can you see me?" She was wearing a garish red dress with tons of jewelry. I heard her, I felt her desperation and thought, "Im not that, thank God." But I could be.
One of my kids dies, I am that lady, trust me.
I am grateful in a sick and twisted way that I can say I lost my Dad. Looking around that theatre there was young parents, sisters, brothers, Aunts and Uncles grieving for young people. That is not us so,
If I feel shitty today cause my Dad is not here to see the good stuff, (even some of the not so good stuff..) I can be grateful that we have good stuff. We havent had that ultimate loss, We are experiencing life the way it is "supposed" to be. Natural order.
Why did I spew all over the place today? I dont know. I guess I was just in need of free therapy.
Helpful hints form the medium.
1. Coins in unusual places, Your loved one.
2/ Smells that appear from nowhere, your loved one.
3. Noises, lights, creaking, moved items, yup.... your loved one.

So all in all, Im ok. I really am fine.
I have found quarters in the dog bowl, numerous ones in the laundry, One in Jacks shoe, All over in the car. The wierdest one I got up the other morning and got out of bed , ( I slept with my socks on) and dragged myself to the bathroom, and as I sat to pee, I took my socks off to get ready to shower and yes there was another one, a quarter IN MY SOCK.
So Dad I get the feeling your telling me you appreciate all the laundry, thank you for feeding the dog cause no one else will, Jack is fine, drive carefully and most of all.
Take a shower, and dont forget the soap!!! (classic Pop)

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