Flaming June's Love

My beautiful nephew is $raduatin% from hi%h school tomorrow. I wrote about him last month followin% his accident on the interstate and truly sent me into a %ratitude spin. My brother Dan and his wife it appears as if they are in the infancy sta%es of a messy divorce. He has met and fell in love with another woman and she (my sister inlaw) is broken by the whole thin%. I can understand her pain and if I could convince my brother to %o back I would but he is convinced this is what he needs to do so I love him and my nephews so whatever I can do to make it easier on any of them I will. Tomorrow will be the first "event" with both families. I am sure her family will be fine and I know mine will I just hope the tension isnt too much for my MOM. My nephew Danny is attendin^ Penn Stae University int he fall and willbe livin% closer to all of us so I am sooooo excited for that to happen. He and Allie and Missi will have so much more time to^ether and hopefully for%e a new and c...

Picture from sunday with Mom. He adores her and you an all see it for yourselves in his eyes. Sunday with ALlie stickin^ out her ton&ue. Jack workin% outside with Daddy with the Tewllls. Jacks muddy sneeks from playin* in the mud puddles. The &irls %oofin% off in the kitchen because they didnt want their pictures taken. A shot of the river on a beautiful evenin% durin& my bike ride. Another cmemetary shot of Tilly's %rave she was three years old and I love the butterfly on the stone. The sun peakin^ throu^h an obelisk and the tree that has %rown about it. amazin%. Pic of Jack who fell asleep in his chair in his room. I opened the door and this is what I found. All else is fine and I think I am pretty happy lately. Maybe losin^ your job isnt always a bad thin$. (i REFUSE TO TYPE ANY OF THOSE LETTERS THAT FOLLOW AN F TOO MUCH TROUBLE SO FYI ANY FUNNY LOOKIN5 THIN5 SHOULD BE THE DREADED $.)

What does it mean? well I guess it means I am trying to give Jack some history. I want him to be proud and encouraged and hopeful. I want him to feel that feeling of "Yes you can." He did that for people. He made you feel like you could. He did that for my girls anyway. Especially Allie she knew he was ALWAYS ALWAYS on her side. Had her back. I want Jack to look up from wherever he may be whenever and see him looking directly at him, from Rome at 19, and have Jack beleive that YES I CAN.

remember this as you pass by As you are now so once was I As I am now you must be prepare for death and follow me. In memory of Thoms Hatch Died Oct 3 1829 Aged 23 years

I have to say that this song is so appropriate for the topic. That feeling of no air... Yeah that is love. How do I breathe with no air. The thought of not having that someone ....too much. Love to all.

Yup last year I loved the Lacey Cameron dance to Alisa, This year SO FAR I ADORE THIS ONE> I think she is absolutely gorgeous and they seemed to have a real rhythm here. Her face was beautiful throughout and he was seemed to lift her without a thought. Lost is a great song.

If you havent noticed in the past let me make you aware that I dont have my own computer. I use which ever one is free when the mood strikes me to write OR more like whichever one is free! Toniht I am on Andys computer which since Jack had a total of 20 seconds alone with it he pulled the G key off and now to type one is truly impossible. So when you see a post without a ? you know it is is a computer Andy ni%ht. I am also attachin& a few pics that I find on his computer that I dont think I have put on before. If they are repeats... lucky you.

I was at my Moms house today helping her get some of her stuff packed up and ready to move. It is a difficult process and even more disturbing with the items she is finding and trying to find new homes for. She located a box of homemade things from when we were children. Cards, report cards, pictures, all kinds of kid stuff. The process of investigating these items made me recall my childhood. I remember making some of these things. In the process of cleaning out the room my Dad hung out in. We called it the smoking room since he was a heavy smoker and loved his tv room. Anyway he had the room decorated with alot if his memorabilia: firehouse, navy, golf, kids. His favorite stuff. Today Mom and I went through a few of these things and I took the ones that we discussed Jack should have for his room. The poster size pic of Dad in Rome as a 19 yo sailor. When we took it off the wall it revealed to us that Dad had written a note on the back. It took both of our breaths away to...

My Allie is home from her trip and I feel better. I hope to attach a few phtos from her trip so you can all appreciate her homecoming also. Love to all.

My ex decided to go on a well deserved vacation. I dont begrudge him that. My issue is he doesnt tell anyone of his children that he will be away for a week. Nothing. Missi has been trying to call him for three days, no answer. Allie tries calling to report her safe return home and no answer. I call this am and guess what hes in New hAMPSHIRE ON A BIKE TRIP. gOOD iM GLAD BUT WHY NOT SHARE THE NEWS WITH YOUR KIDS. TELL THEM YOU WONT BE AROUND FOR FATHERS DAY SO THEY ARENT PLANNING A DINNER AND GET YOU STUFF. All the stuff I was feeling for him last week,, yup all gone. Im glad hes alone, he should be, he cant handle intimacy considering he cant have any relationship with his daughters. So I recant my guilt, (for today) I earned a few good screws for those few years. He was unwilling and most of the time unable to perform so FU&* him, or may I say FU^% them, and so I did... Here is how we spent our Fathers day. We got up did some work around the house and the girls got s...

This one always reminded me of my Mom and Dad. Spending time apart when Dad was in the Navy. Although the time in their lives is not something we talk about I can imagine my Mom was struggling without him. I believe their love was forged during that time. Thats why I love who they were... or are... together. Andy took me on a vacation after only knowing one another a few weeks. We went to Florida Keys and had the most wonderful time together. He was charming, smart, funny. He made me feel like a woman again. He showed me new and exciting things and encouraged me to push further. Ijumped from a boat to go snorkling on a coral reef inthe gulf of Mexico. I drank tequila and rode a bicycle throughthe streets of Keywest. We watched the sun set and rise on another morning. I went on th trip without asking anyones permission, I made my first adult real decision that trip, I owe that to him. I drove a boat throught he gulf of mexico then around the keys to the Atlantic ocean, just...

Emo for those of you not in the know means, a teen in the time of emotional termoil of their life nad dress dark, behave dark and genreally are examples of teen angst. Well there are days that I come to this site and read my shtuff and label myself emo. I do have reason to bitch but I dont like it. Today no rants or raging. Today is a day of showing off the beuaty in my life. I am attaching a photo fo my boy taken last night and if there was ever a pic of Jack that describes him it is THIS ONE> The character of JAck is in the details and perifery of the scene. Allow me to identify the nuance of the boy we love. 1. The one yellow boot on his right foot. Yes he could only find one and he wanted to wear them in 90 degree weather so it was on for a good two hours dragging about the house. running along the wood floors with a CLUNK- swish, CLUNK-swish... Joyful as ever. 2. The balloon floating to the right of the frame is the baloon I recieved on the flowers form the girls for m...

Riding in the car today and had a hankering for a lil bit o'country. (That NEVER HAPPENS) I heard this tune pop on. and man I bawled my eyes out for a good ten minutes. I think sometimes life just turns a few degrees to one side or the other and it just never gets back on track. I think my Dads death just set me off my track and I have never gotten back on. Remember as a kid the cars that ran on tracks with a remote and it could go faster or slower with your controller? If the car was off just a lil bit it would run but, rattle, skip and sputter along the track like it just wasnt wanting to go anywhere? well I feel like that sometimes. I used this analogy before but it is so appropriate, A stripped screw. I dig in I push hard and just never seem to catch anything solid. Had some news today from Andys work and it looks like he wont be with this company past July. Economy is hitting and I guess this house is about to feel that crunch too. I for some reason am not too wor...

Pushin the buttons tonight and Andy says to check back another channel. There he was in his sweaty glory. Loudin Swain. Matthew Modine. The hottest wrestler in HS History I didnt have a vcr back in the day so seeing movie after the theater was unheard of. The music the memories of HS. The memories of my brothers wrestlin in our living room. The whole thing. If you havent partaken in a long time give Loudin Swain another visit.

http://www.rockyou.com/show_my_gallery.php?source=ppsl&instanceid=114597379

One day a week or so ago Allie and I were riding bikes with Jack along the dike and I commented on how beautiful our lil town was. There is a cozy feel to the place we live and everyone seems... sooo.... happy, normal, unaffected. We were riding along the river with kids playin soccer in the new fields, parents cooking hotdogs and snacks under tents in the parking lot. Kids rolling in grass and bicycles, rollerskates and all americanism. As we rode along we chatted about the cematary below us and people walking along The Avenue. We have built the only new constructioni in this little town in many years. If I talk to anyone they want to know where you live in town. I tell them the new blue house and EVERYONE KNOWS OF IT>. This is not to brag just to convey the smallness of the town. Strangers love the windows, the flowers out front, etc. Jack and I went tot he opening of the twon pool yesterday. Yup a town pool, small sweet and in the middle of the park. I took pics from our...

OK herer is the week in a nut shell. Andy had his cath done on Friday and he is fine. No blockages and a healthy heart. Now that is Good in THE REAL WORLD!!!! BUT not here in Suziland. Why ytou may ask well that was something that I was hoping would keep him out of Iraq. Blockages a few bypasses I can handle. Iraq for 18 months I am not feeling!!!! But really I would be able to handle Iraq but I really dont want to. So my huSbands heart is in perfect working order and has a few pounds to lose and heart anyway is great. AWESOME. Allie is now in MEXICO, YUP MEXICO. Her friend Danielle had an extra ticket on her family vacation and her fam asked Allie to come along, Happy... beyond words. MOM jealous, envious and did her best to fit in the bag. Worried not really I dont know why but I feel safe about it. I would have a bad feeling I think. She called this am to let me know they were heading for some awesome coffee then straight to the [pool. They are at a resort so not reall...

For a girl that never took dance lessons I love dancers. I love to dance and watch anykind of dancing and am an admitted SYTYCD addict. I wait all week for it and then cant get myslef away from it. So the big night is tomorrow night when we narrow the tribe down to top 20 and then the competition begins. I am hopefully attaching someof my favs from last year and maybe if I find what I am looking for a little from this year.

I am ok. I guess I am a whiner but everyone is I guess at some point. I am feeling better. Andy and I have some really rough parts. To be expected but put two strong willed and eagerly argumentative people who in the end really love each other there is defianately going to be fireworks. I will end it with that for tonight and hopefully get a chance to write more another night.

I have alot of anger. somewhere somehow I learned to be an asshole. Brother Dave can vouch for my nasty streak. I am definately feeling angry pent up and ready to fight. I take alot and dont always get to give back. I feel misunderstood and taken advantage of alot of the time. I want to fight and beat someone up. I need therapy I need a punching bag or just a dose of new life. My weekend should be enjoyable but it isnt. Too much tension and stress. ahhh forget it... I am just not in good space.