Flaming June's Love

I sat there with my friend Sue and realized as I usually do that I had a connection with her. I know that now she thought me a bit .... odd. I, as I do now.. appear one way when in actuality I am NOT WHAT I APPEAR. I was one of the few kids in the school with very little money, and a home packed to the gills with kids and truly loving involved parents. I appeared ... plain, boring and predictable. Sue woke me to the idea that I was none of these things. I shared drawings and poetry with her and we discussed love, life and the far off idea of future. We were surrounded by people involved in the NYC scene, partiers with all the latests gadgets and new cars, plenty of cash and just ... SO... cool. Sue and I have remained friends through some of the toughest parts of our lives. Then again we have had periods of not talking for maybe the longest about three years. She has what I like to call a very "passionate" point of view about a number of things. In other words somet...

We recieve a bid yesterday on myhouse and we took it. I signed the multitude of papers and just a few weeks MY PLACE will be someone elses. Interestingly enough it is a single Mom of two daughters buying it. How appropriate is that. I probably shouldnt be happy she is alone with two girls but I must say the karma in this home is magical. It is decorated all girly and warm. Cozy for a young mom and girls. I have had some amazing times here. Some really hard ones as well. But I can tell you I will always look back on these past 11 years with warm happy memories. I spoke to Tim yesterday and told him the news. He cried. Seems weird I know but there is a sense of loss with the sale of the place. I know I could never go back to that life with him nor would I really want to. But there is always a sense of..... What Was. My girls grew up here pretty much. First boyfriends, lost teeth, pets, new schools, broken hearts, new loves, Christmas's with their Dad, Amy, ANdy, and most of...

THE HOUSE Who lives in that house across the way? The one where children sometimes play With happy smiles and laughing eyes; Where joy is heard, but never sighs. Where sunshine always seems to play, On windows sparkling through the day, And raindrops dare not set their face On trees stood proud with ageless grace. I wonder just how many times That house has seen some children climb, Those sturdy trees of oak and lime, That stand so tall and withstood time. Others will later buy this home, and when they've gone and it's alone, They'll take a look and see the sign On this great house that once was mine. By Pat Wake Inspirational Poems My Poems Famous Poems Midi file sequenced by Barry Taylor

Have you ever met someone that is so full of talk they eventually believe EVERYTHING THEY SAY? Interestingly enough the individual I mentioned last week as the "something wicked" well she is so involved or should I say delusional that she seems to forget that I KNOW HER. There are some things that you can tell yourself It may begin to sound plausible... until someone that was THERE and has been observing the entire train wreck can say "Are you kidding me?" Go fuck yourself.

PIC 1 MISSI AND DANNY 2ND PIC MY GIRLS, MOM, AND AUNT CATHY 3RD JOE THE NEIGHBOR 4TH NEPHEW AND MY GIRLS

My baby Missi was sweet sixteen on Tuesday, with all the excitement with the holiday on its way I didnt get to post with the appropriate excitement. Missi is 16. We had picked up Allie Tuesday for the holiday at home and they enjoyed the afternoon together. We enjoyed cupcakes and pizza and sang happy to you. We are now in the plan mode for her party on Saturday night with her girls. First a trip to the skating rink (ice skating) then a sleepover poker night with the gals. I will be posting some pics from the week with my brother and nephews and family stuff. My nephew was eighteen on Thursday and we went to his other grandmas for pizza and cake on Wed. I have pics of all of that too. The there is Thanksgiving and it was a nice day as well. I did some of my best cooking and baking this year. I have planned on cooking for this holiday with hopes of the new house but to no avail as of yet. WE WILL BE THERE FOR CHRISTMAS. I made a green bean casserole, candied carrots, mince me...

As I was reviewing my blog of the past year in order to compound it I decided I am not going to close it down. I cant bear to lose the things I have invested here. My losses and gains, fears and strides forward. Most of all my beautiful children,husband and family. I wont be scared away or will I be changed to be something I am not. So I go on.... We have fire. We have lots of fire And also have beautiful children.

I have found myself in a predicament. I will be closing down my blog withing the next week. A hurtful, spiteful and malice driven evil hearted person has again found their way into my life. I asked for this one. I opened the door again to someone I felt "connected" to. I began blogging for some relief from my grief, in introspective on a broken heart. Along the way I investigated my feelings on love, marriage, forgiveness, joy, discouragement, parenthood, friendship and alot of other things. I enjoyed friends comments and truly took to heart observers comments. I havent found anyone to be abrasive, mean or discouraging at all. Until now. Someone has made statements which are obviously figments of contorted imaginations. This person was able to hold themselves together for almost 6 months before falling apart... again.... I have had the experience of manipulation in the past, but this one, this is almost funny. I dont trust anything this person has to say, I have ofte...

We had a taste of winter for a few days and it felt kinda good. With the time change it is feeling really cozy and I just want to cook and bake and stuff. Today and tomorrow have been forecasted to be warm and beautiful so Jack and I took advantage and wandered up to the park. he loves it. He just runs and I think feels independent. I worked on alot of the photo and I have trouble getting them to blogger. The first one of Missi is her cracking up about something-I dont know but she definately is getting that Angelina Jolie thing going. The lips the full brow and she is just as beautiful inside as out. These past few months have been such a huge growing time for her. Allie is well and getting along fine. She has been complaining of headaches but I think it is stress from midterms and such. I suffered the same during college and found that as soon as midterms were over I was back to normal. She will be home next week for Thanksgiving break. We have a bilco door and garage doors an...

My Immortal lyrics I'm so tired of being here Suppressed by all my childish fears And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave 'Cause your presence still lingers here And it won't leave me alone These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase [Chorus:] When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears And I held your hand through all of these years But you still have All of me You used to captivate me By your resonating light Now I'm bound by the life you left behind Your face it haunts My once pleasant dreams Your voice it chased away All the sanity in me These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase [Chorus] I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone But though you're still with me I've been alone all along [Chorus]

I am going someplace I shouldnt. I am shaking awake a part of me I thought I laid to rest. There is a concert coming to our local arena/venue. Evanescence, the feeling is so right there I want to go but am so afraid. I had an experience 3 and a half years ago and this music was so a part of my life I truly lived it. Every song from the album/cd just integrated and almost became a part of me for a while. Intense yes, should it be scary no, but it is for me. I made some bad choices, hurt some people, and in turn really really hurt myself. Along with at the same time the preemptive strike that began the whole downward spiral I ended up in. Long story short it was a bad time for me and my ego, self esteem, leading to self destructive behavior. I dont know why I am writing now and why I am compelled to stir the proverbial shitpot, but I knew the day would come that I would need , NEEEEED to come to terms with myself. No blame, no finger pointing, just plain acceptance. That is what I n...

Lie I said Jack was a sick boy for halloween. So on Sunday we got him dressed for the late holiday. He ran around the yard and waited for Nana tog et home from Church. He was so cute and just I cant say how much I love him. He now has a cough that when he breaths he coughs a lil cough. Annoying for him and mind blowing for me. He lil coughed all night, all morning and I anticipate all day today too. Excitement at Daycare, yesterday i picked him up and I knew soemthing was up when my favorite aide approached me with that UHOH smile. She handed me an incident report paper and said well " Jack was playing with another child and the child misunderstood his hugging him as a threat and BIT HIS EAR!!!" FU%$#in kid Ill kill him which one is it. They of course cant tell you which one it was but I encouraged them strongly to keep Jack away from them. This is not because I am overreacting this is because this kid (whoever it is) has done this before I know that because they to...

Five years ago on a Saturday night with my then guyfriend Andy, we would have started the night with a nice dinner, an evening of drinks with friends at a local bar and then good old raucous sex until morning. I remember trying my hardest to get home before my dad would get up for the paper which was usually around 6 30ish. My Mom and Dad would keep the girls overnight usually one night every two weeks so the nights we had all night, yup we had allll night. There was one night when I did fall asleep and woke up and it was light out. OH MY GOD I GOTTA GET HOME. Then it hit me Andy picked me up last night so I gotta get the bear up to drive me home. Double shameful it is 7 in the morning and "that guy" is bringing her home. My dear friend Maryellen that passed away in Jan called me one morning and was teasingly saying "Oh Suzie there was s strange car parked in front of your house all night. I called your Dad and he said he didnt know whos it was so he took a walk down ...

Here is one I wasnt supposed to see but shit it is funny. She was a mardigras bead girl for halloween with her friend danielle.

OK here goes... Heard of sciatica... Yeah well I am the nurse that says oh yeah sounds bad and keeps moving. well it is bad really bad. interferes with every part of your day and night. hurts like a bastard. Something hit me today that it was time for a change. and I got my hair cut. About 6 inches off onto to the floor of the salon. So I am once a gain with the curly short hair. It feels good and i feel alot better. Went out with my best girl today for lunch and hang out time. I forget how much she means to me until I see her again. I truly learned about LOVE when I was with her. Sadly i didnt treat her as well as I should have. But I think I learned what it felt like to be truly loved and I adored her. We spent so much time just talking and listening and listening. I know that our lives are now where they were supposed to be. I also know that anything good that I have gotten in the few years since her was because of her. I love Amy. She got an addition to her tattoo co...