post 199
How funny is that I have written down my thoughts 199 times right here. I started I think in Oct. I am now almost full circle. My Mom and I and our cousin went to lunch today. We sat at Olive Garden for two and a half hours. Obviously not eating anymore but talking. Not one word about Dad. I guess too close to the surface for all of us.
One year ago tonight we were at home without having to go back to the hospital to visit.
He was not there.
I left the hospital that morning just wanting to take him with us .
I told my brothers that I hated leaving him there alone. They werent going to treat him like a man anymore. He was Just a number now.
I took alot of Ativan this day one year ago. I dont really remember the whole thing after we came home from the hospital.
I called Andy he was on the road in Vermont and he came home and was there by 8 that night. I spent the whole day with the boys and my Mom.
Then the parade started. People came that I didnt know. Food was everywhere. We had relatives staying overnight in the living room staying awake to answer the door and put food out at all hours of the night and day. Cousins that made coffee. Got ice, beer, food into freezers all over the neighborhood.
My sister in laws went to Toys R Us and bought Jack a new playpen and scooter and toys to have at my Moms house for the next few weeks days months whatever.
Another cousin came over ands set up a tent in the yard with tables and chairs for all the people that would be coming in and out throught the next four days.
My Fathers brother came in from NY state. He was his half brother- but they never acted or explained that to anyone- they were brothers.
He stood on the porch and cried. His blue eyes- Dads blue eyes- Ricks blue eyes- My blue eyes- Jacks blue eyes. I hugged him and smelled my dad, felt him, and didnt want to let go.
We love hard, play hard, live hard.
My friend called again last night and asked if my husband really knows who I am?
He knows me, he knows my Mom and Dad and brothers. Know them, you have me all tied up.
I looked around that night, Mom and Dads kitchen chock full of people. half of them drunk but happy. Most of us laughing, remembering, some tears but mostly gratitude.
Remember whens, and how are we going to send him off with the best?
We had a homemade funeral.
My daughters and neices and sister inlaw did all the music. singing
On Eagles Wings
AMazing grace
Danny Boy
My nephew read the 23 rd psalm.
My brother did a eulogy
We sang anchors aweigh
To people we didnt all know but we sent him off the way he would have liked. We had a homemade funeral.
People told us it was the "best funeral" they were ever at/
My younger daughter wrote a poem and read it without a single tear. We laughed in the funeral home. I looked at him in the casket surrounded by flowers and his memorabilia, and just wished he could hear and see it all, he would be so proud.
All is well I am dong ok and we will be fine.
I am sorry for being so boring witht his stuff I promise to snap out of it soon.
One year ago tonight we were at home without having to go back to the hospital to visit.
He was not there.
I left the hospital that morning just wanting to take him with us .
I told my brothers that I hated leaving him there alone. They werent going to treat him like a man anymore. He was Just a number now.
I took alot of Ativan this day one year ago. I dont really remember the whole thing after we came home from the hospital.
I called Andy he was on the road in Vermont and he came home and was there by 8 that night. I spent the whole day with the boys and my Mom.
Then the parade started. People came that I didnt know. Food was everywhere. We had relatives staying overnight in the living room staying awake to answer the door and put food out at all hours of the night and day. Cousins that made coffee. Got ice, beer, food into freezers all over the neighborhood.
My sister in laws went to Toys R Us and bought Jack a new playpen and scooter and toys to have at my Moms house for the next few weeks days months whatever.
Another cousin came over ands set up a tent in the yard with tables and chairs for all the people that would be coming in and out throught the next four days.
My Fathers brother came in from NY state. He was his half brother- but they never acted or explained that to anyone- they were brothers.
He stood on the porch and cried. His blue eyes- Dads blue eyes- Ricks blue eyes- My blue eyes- Jacks blue eyes. I hugged him and smelled my dad, felt him, and didnt want to let go.
We love hard, play hard, live hard.
My friend called again last night and asked if my husband really knows who I am?
He knows me, he knows my Mom and Dad and brothers. Know them, you have me all tied up.
I looked around that night, Mom and Dads kitchen chock full of people. half of them drunk but happy. Most of us laughing, remembering, some tears but mostly gratitude.
Remember whens, and how are we going to send him off with the best?
We had a homemade funeral.
My daughters and neices and sister inlaw did all the music. singing
On Eagles Wings
AMazing grace
Danny Boy
My nephew read the 23 rd psalm.
My brother did a eulogy
We sang anchors aweigh
To people we didnt all know but we sent him off the way he would have liked. We had a homemade funeral.
People told us it was the "best funeral" they were ever at/
My younger daughter wrote a poem and read it without a single tear. We laughed in the funeral home. I looked at him in the casket surrounded by flowers and his memorabilia, and just wished he could hear and see it all, he would be so proud.
All is well I am dong ok and we will be fine.
I am sorry for being so boring witht his stuff I promise to snap out of it soon.
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