Chicago, Chicago.
There was a time in my life when I was just a thrill junkie. I realize now that I married too young and to the wrong guy. Oh well.
Anyway. I met a really great guy when I was already married about 7-8 years. Chance meeting. We met at work and really as soon as I saw him I thought MINE MINE MINE!!!!
A friendship with the sexual tension that just perculated. I was 27 he was 15 years older than I. I just thought he was the most beautiful thing I ever saw. Bald, moustache, green eyes. Big muscles. He was divorced with a daughter the same age as my own. We would talk on the nights that we worked. I would dress for him and do my hair ont he nights he was there. About three months into this "thing" I had to leave the job. We were moving to PA. We - my husband and my two children and me. For the best... I thought before this got too serious. We said our goodbyes and never touched one another. I do know that we- or I- said if I still feel the same 6 months from now I will get in touch with you and we can get together again. He said "I will feel the same no matter when you call me."
OK so we move, I get a new job, I am "happy". Until the predictable sets in. There he is in my head on a daily basis. Should I , could I. Hmmm.
So hubby goes to visit his family for a long weekend and I am alone with two girls.... and a phone. Yup I think I spent one day finding him since he had moved business back to Chicago. Then spent one long night alone with the number in my hand and dialing and hanging up.
The excitement of it all. Finally I called and I heard HIS voice. My heart stopped. How could a person not "fall in love" with that person. The anticipation of it all is so so much more than the reall thing. But it takes LIFE to figure that all out. So we talked for hours through the night into the next day. The entire time hubby was gone. My head was spinning I was totally in love. Chicago Harry was the same. He had been single for some time and also got totally into the relationship.
We talked during the day when my hubby was working, (bad suzie) I had his phone card numbers so the calls never showed up. hours of chat and talk of our lives together, when... hmmm ? soon.
This went on for almost a year. He came to PA for a day and I saw him for a few hours but never "sealed the deal" We met a the crossings which is a huge outlet of stores in the poconos. We didnt seal the deal cuz I was a chicken. I panicked, I couldnt bring myself to go to a hotel for an afternoon and then go home to hubby. At least I couldnt yet. (bad suzie)
time passes we still talk daily and exchange birthday gifts, christmas as if we were together. Loneliness and boredom can make you or make you beleive that you can justify anything.
Hubby and I were at the end of our marriage. We both knew it but I thought I am not doing anything. Literally "doing" anyone. Until the day.
My work sent me on a business trip for a conference. I knew it was coming but wasnt excited because it would be in east bumblefuck I was sure. I open my work email and there it is. flight plans to Ohare. OHARE OHARE CHICAGO.
I went out of my mind. How can I turn this chance down, it was fate.
I called immediately and the plans were in motion. W were finally getting four days together withoput anyone questioning our whereabouts.
I got ob the plane afte a few drinks and then got to Ohare. There he was at the gate. It was truly movie material. The long passionate kiss and the heat of a bout a year and half pent up stuff. Got into his car and immediately went to my hotel. We had sex, true true sex, animal crazy wild sex. no sleep hardly any food or water I went to my conference the next day.
Then it hit me. im married. oh I didnt care I had fun and found out sooo much about sex and myself in one night.
Went back to his place and had dinner and fu&*^%ed like bunnnies again.
Long story short we did it all for four days.
I went home.
No guilt.
But also the fire was gone. I had him and it was over. He drove too fast, he had a huge ego, didnt like my music and I wasnt going to leave my hubster for him so it was done.
Why the story tonight, I forgot.
I fucking forgot about the whole thing until a few days ago. Andy is in Chicago for business and I thought what a great town. How do I know, oh yeah I was there.
Really fucking bad. I forgot the details or didnt care to remember. I did some really bad things, that I chose to block out. I am now admitting to myself that when hubbie #1 left he had every reason to go. I hurt him deeply numerous times and I deserved every thing I got.
OK this post took two hours to get together with the boy rambling around and me pulling my thoughts together after nearly 5 years of medicated amnesia.
I need to get my shit together and take responsibility for my good bad and indifferent's.
I am awake, yippeeee.
Anyway. I met a really great guy when I was already married about 7-8 years. Chance meeting. We met at work and really as soon as I saw him I thought MINE MINE MINE!!!!
A friendship with the sexual tension that just perculated. I was 27 he was 15 years older than I. I just thought he was the most beautiful thing I ever saw. Bald, moustache, green eyes. Big muscles. He was divorced with a daughter the same age as my own. We would talk on the nights that we worked. I would dress for him and do my hair ont he nights he was there. About three months into this "thing" I had to leave the job. We were moving to PA. We - my husband and my two children and me. For the best... I thought before this got too serious. We said our goodbyes and never touched one another. I do know that we- or I- said if I still feel the same 6 months from now I will get in touch with you and we can get together again. He said "I will feel the same no matter when you call me."
OK so we move, I get a new job, I am "happy". Until the predictable sets in. There he is in my head on a daily basis. Should I , could I. Hmmm.
So hubby goes to visit his family for a long weekend and I am alone with two girls.... and a phone. Yup I think I spent one day finding him since he had moved business back to Chicago. Then spent one long night alone with the number in my hand and dialing and hanging up.
The excitement of it all. Finally I called and I heard HIS voice. My heart stopped. How could a person not "fall in love" with that person. The anticipation of it all is so so much more than the reall thing. But it takes LIFE to figure that all out. So we talked for hours through the night into the next day. The entire time hubby was gone. My head was spinning I was totally in love. Chicago Harry was the same. He had been single for some time and also got totally into the relationship.
We talked during the day when my hubby was working, (bad suzie) I had his phone card numbers so the calls never showed up. hours of chat and talk of our lives together, when... hmmm ? soon.
This went on for almost a year. He came to PA for a day and I saw him for a few hours but never "sealed the deal" We met a the crossings which is a huge outlet of stores in the poconos. We didnt seal the deal cuz I was a chicken. I panicked, I couldnt bring myself to go to a hotel for an afternoon and then go home to hubby. At least I couldnt yet. (bad suzie)
time passes we still talk daily and exchange birthday gifts, christmas as if we were together. Loneliness and boredom can make you or make you beleive that you can justify anything.
Hubby and I were at the end of our marriage. We both knew it but I thought I am not doing anything. Literally "doing" anyone. Until the day.
My work sent me on a business trip for a conference. I knew it was coming but wasnt excited because it would be in east bumblefuck I was sure. I open my work email and there it is. flight plans to Ohare. OHARE OHARE CHICAGO.
I went out of my mind. How can I turn this chance down, it was fate.
I called immediately and the plans were in motion. W were finally getting four days together withoput anyone questioning our whereabouts.
I got ob the plane afte a few drinks and then got to Ohare. There he was at the gate. It was truly movie material. The long passionate kiss and the heat of a bout a year and half pent up stuff. Got into his car and immediately went to my hotel. We had sex, true true sex, animal crazy wild sex. no sleep hardly any food or water I went to my conference the next day.
Then it hit me. im married. oh I didnt care I had fun and found out sooo much about sex and myself in one night.
Went back to his place and had dinner and fu&*^%ed like bunnnies again.
Long story short we did it all for four days.
I went home.
No guilt.
But also the fire was gone. I had him and it was over. He drove too fast, he had a huge ego, didnt like my music and I wasnt going to leave my hubster for him so it was done.
Why the story tonight, I forgot.
I fucking forgot about the whole thing until a few days ago. Andy is in Chicago for business and I thought what a great town. How do I know, oh yeah I was there.
Really fucking bad. I forgot the details or didnt care to remember. I did some really bad things, that I chose to block out. I am now admitting to myself that when hubbie #1 left he had every reason to go. I hurt him deeply numerous times and I deserved every thing I got.
OK this post took two hours to get together with the boy rambling around and me pulling my thoughts together after nearly 5 years of medicated amnesia.
I need to get my shit together and take responsibility for my good bad and indifferent's.
I am awake, yippeeee.
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