Andy loves Suzie

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i have been trying really hard to recall happy thoughts every night before bed so I can conjure good sleep. I am am a teeth grinding, dream screaming person. I can nap really well, but nighttime is my witching hour.
Happy memory...
Allie about 4 Missy about 2. We lived on the farm and had a fenced in side yard. We could sit out there and just chill out for the day. No worries. I had a blanket out on the grass, early summer. 20 feet from the back door and the girls and I had a day on a blanket. Looked at the tree in the yard. smelled the farm. played in the sandbox. I put lunch on their little picnic table. we listened to music and I loved them. Loved them adore them pray for them live for them and want all that is good and beautiful for them.
Foreward 15 years and I am in the hospital after open heart surgery thinking I am dead and my daughters are there by my side whispering in my ear that they love me and hang in there they need me dont leave them. I vividly remember telling myself to breath, breath, breath. I knew I had choice at that point. I so decided to live that day.
foreward one year and my father is lying in his hospital bed. I whispered in his ear stay strong, dont go, I need you, I knew he was fighting for it, wasnt ready to go.
He cried that night. real tears in both eyes. scared, tired, confused. I pray all day that he didnt know how bad it was. no pain, no regrets, I pray that GOD took him to heaven quickly to his mother and father and brother and all his dear friends. I know we sent himout with love and pride and adoration.
I hope I will be that someday. I only hope that I will see him again and tell him how proud of him I am. How I am trying to do right.

PS The Kiss this is my husband. He holds my face and envelops me in his arms. I feel so often like this woman, close my eyes, and let him take me away to wherever. I love him.

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