the toothless wonder

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Well that familiar tooth third from the back on the right lower is gone. It is now in a little bag on the shelf in the kitchen. Why you may ask is it there>? Hell if I know.
Does anyone have a loved one that was cremated? If so write back and give me some suggestions on how to deal with the fact that my father all 210 pounds of him that I loved for forty years every freckle scar and sparkle in his eye is now ina box on the shelf in my moms room.
I believe that his spirit is "somewhere else" but stiill his body all that I reference to him being him is in that box. Im a tangled emotional mess. I would visit him often if he was in a cemetary and could bring him flowers and notes pictures just between us, but with him in that BOX (YES SOME ANGER HERE BOX!!!!) I am stunted feel like I dont want to upset anyone so I dont go up there. Now the cremation was my dads idea and we did everything he wanted. But yikers. Show me a place where I can just specific spot to crunch down and cry whisper to him and purge.
I have invcvested 100's of dollars on books to help me... something help me anythiung help this true ache in my chest that feels as though it will break me. I feel pain and sadness grow in my throat, my belly, with the thoughts of joyous occasions with out him. This is a test this is only a test....Your father is not dead he is just away fro longet than usual. The only one that truly loved you for your defects along with attributes is just chillin somewhere and will definately be home for thanksgiving with his family.n OK tears are now too numerous to count and the space where my tooth used to be is now hurting. I think I am making my teeth ache from heartache. LOL

Comments

Anonymous said…
hello i commented before on one of your blogs and i too have had to deal with my father being creamated.it is difficult to comprehend that such an indescribable event.It truely doesn't seem real at all. i kept waiting for him to come home it was almost like there wasn't any closure.about a year or so later the family did place him in a cemetary and it gave us closure..i am the only one for the most part who visits him regulary..and who plants flowers alot..it brings me comfort to go visit him and talk..it is so much better than holding it all in..maybe you can talk with your siblings about having him placed somewhere that you can all benefit..it may be hard but it can work..just go about it in a gentle way..let meknow if i can help in any way....
1:46 PM
Matt said…
My Father was also creamated (2 years ago)and his remains sit in the Livingroom of my Step-moms house on a bookshelf next to the remains of his yellow lab. At first it bothered me, but then on the first fathers day I wrote him a letter and stuck it under the box. Last father's day i became a father and I added to this note. I am not sure if anyone else knows it is there, but I do and I hope he does.

Now when I visit I steal a few moments at night when I am alone and I say hi and talk to him a little.

I wonder that if his ashes were scattered would I still have these small comforts?
7:46 AM
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