just a quickie.

-
I went for a walk this evening Jack and I. As I said this am it was an exceptionally beautiful day here. The evening remains equally memorable. Twl things to remember so I will write them here.
1. The light on the trees at 6:45 was tremendous. setting reddish harvest sun in the west. threw light on amber trees that I swear I havent ever seen before. If I knew how or what the color was I would paint my liffe with it. I dont know if it was so much the "color" as the "light". Ok here is the thoughtful side of it,.... Could that be my Dad? Could he be in "heaven" and shining a light down on Jack and I so that we feel something good? Did his face pop into my mind habitually or intentionally inspired by a greater being, force, power? Did I get that grateful to be alive feeling by encouragement or by habit.? I miss my dad on a daily basis. He and Mom lived up the street so seeing him 3-4 times a day was not unusual so when I say I have lost a constant I mean it. anyway light on your face and shining in the eyes of a child that was a gift from above is a good evening and a way to have happy thopughts of someone missed deeply.

2. On our walk we stopped at a park around the corner from the house. Jack and I pushed the carriage up to the baby swings and swung. While standing thre I noticed these young girls about 100 yards away. faces unclearr but attire obvious mini skirts t shirts, two of them about 6 young boys. uh oh. I watched as they kicked at eachother, pushed punched as teenage girls and boys do toshow affection. I shrugged it off and thought ok they are not "my" teenage girls cuz I know where "MINE ARE". swing Jack look... swing Jack, look...

The gang start walking towards us and of course I act oblivious.
I look and shit its the girl that my youngest grew up with and the other one who hangs out with now. Two boys are grabbing her ass and lifting up her skirt... she is letting them. I yelled "Jillian get your ass home now!" She looked again at me and her jaw dropped. She pushed the boys away and started running. I should not have doen that but I couldnt help it. Jack and I packed up and started walking home she was waiting for me crying. "dont tell my mom she will kill me, I dont do this all the time, I think they are strarting to like me now, " break my f=ing heart kid. OK OK I wont say anthing. but behave. I am watching you.
I am that asshole mother that we hated. oh well

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Kiss

-
Image
  It has been 75 days. When I went to bed at night I would cry, every night.  My Mom would begin the process of "bedtime" at least 30 minutes before I actually had to go to my room.  She would give me the countdown. "Next commercial break"  "Ten more minutes"  "Go get your last drink of water" Some nights she would begin to doze and I would squeeze another 10 minutes until the dreaded bed time. Then began the process.  We would go to my room, which was only 12 feet from the living room in all actuality, but it was miles in my little girl heart.  Mom would pull down the covers, tuck me in, give me all of my comfort things and then I would cry.  The more she tried to make me comfortable with the thought of sleeping, alone, the harder I would cry.  If she would just say go to bed, it would have been easier. We would say my prayers together, Our Father, Hail Mary and then all of the God Bless's. The God Blesses were my definite way to get her to ...
Read more

Ayla

-
Image
 When I was in High School my best friend was Amy.  I don't remember how we met or where, but somehow we just clicked.  I believe it was probably on the patio where in the 1980's you could go outside and smoke cigarettes with your friends on free mods or breaks.  Yep those were the days.   We were in 10th grade which made us 15.  I smoked Parliament light 100's  with the recessed filters (IYKYK) and she smoked Benson and Hedges.  She was a cheerleader that was so far from the "cheerleader" type it would crack us up.  We wrote notes in those days, scraps of paper that we would purge our daily trials onto, fold in some triangular football shape and pass to one another in the hall.  We could fill a note throughout the day and then I would throw it into a box for the ages to find someday.  We were able to talk endlessly about music, people, boyfriends, animals, school, college, parents, divorce, siblings, hours of chat.  We al...
Read more

No, not that.

-
Image
 Lets talk about graduation parties!  Should I order the chicken scampi or marsala for the chicken dish?  Cakes and cupcakes or cookies?  DJ or photo booth or both? So we decorate the cake with Wyoming Seminary as a graduate or Penn State as his college destination? No, we wont talk about that.  You know, the "drophimoffandleavehimtherepart" or the "Ihaveabsolutelynopurposewithouthiminmydailygrind" lets not forget "Whenyoufoughttoliveforthisboyandnowheisgoingwhylive?" OK OK I'm not going to end my life because Jack is leaving for college, but for christs sake what the fuck is my purpose now?  I am struggling, struggling with so many things right now. I know my struggle on paper is nothing compared to so many other people.  My weight, my hair, my boy, my heart, my future.  I want to just get to the point where I can just take him and drop him off.  Rush through this summer and get it over with, pull off the bandaid quick and start the new chap...
Read more