Flaming June's Love

Tomorrow I will wake up and BE 43 years old. I will officially BE HERE 4 years longer... I turned 39 then it all changed. But then again it didnt. I thought when I turned 40 my life was really changing, or moreso I was really changing. My family had a surprise off the cuff party for me. In my Mom and Dads yard. Andy got me a bicycle with a seat on the back for Jack and we were riding that afternoon. As we rode past Nana and Pops house I stopped THERE... because I did that numerous times a day. Just stopped and walked in.. We stopped and my girls were on the porch with my parents and Maryellen and Jackie and a few other friends. I was so happy and surprised and proud. Proud that I was even HERE since It was one year longer than I should have been at that point. Now I am HERE. HERE wherever that is. And should be THERE, wherever THERE is. He is THERE... Maryellen is THERE... I need to be more like THEN, than NOW.. and be happy to be ME, instead of THEM. 43 isn't so bad. I am...

I heard this somewhere on the life road, it wasnt til Andy reminded me of his favorite usage of it, Smokey and the bandit movie. OK say that is my reference point. My application for the ditty? well I have about 50 pounds to lose before Novembers 25th reunion for HS. Yeah I know I should be concerned about being healthy, blahblahblah. I want to look, at least, good. We went away to NY state. ANdy Jack and I. It was truly nice. We didnt argue, Jack was good and I was not feeling overwhelmed at all. Then we get home and all shit hell breaks loose. Details too many, but just stupid piss me off shit. Either way, I am still here, married and a mother. pictures attached from our trip.

Yeah I was cranky girl yesterday. Could you tell. I feel better today and pulled myself together. Sorry for the spewing. I hope this cheery video will help us all pick up and start over again. Along with a hysterical chuckle that Allie showed me last night.

I love that saying, easy as shooting fish in a barrel. I feel that way. I am sometimes the fish. swimming swimming swimming, round in circles. But then again some fish will eat the other fish in the barrel and overthrow the residing barrel government and anarchy will ensue. The fish that felt like a target before will now find that the other fish in the barrel were just a distraction, yet were necessary in the long term outcome of survival of the fittest. I like fish land, in barrel country. This fish is feeling a little better now, thanks for listening.

Beautiful part: my girl going to Temple. Horrible heartache part: my girl going to Temple.