Flaming June's Love

Here it is and I am excited and sad and happy and regretful. all inone. So much to look forward to and obviously so much to leave behind. My girls and all their friends growth chart in my basement. Allies bedroom door and I will attach some of missis stuff from her walls. I am looking around this house and its all in boxes. I am sad. I am happy. Anyplace these PEOPLE go is my home. I rememembr a time when Tim was threatening custody battles for shits and giggles on his part, I told I would live in a refrigerator box with my kids before I let him have them. Well obviously this is not a refrigerator box but the sentiment holds true. I would live anywhere these kids were. So all in all I am good. I am leaving happy swirly memories in the air here. They will whisper every night sleeping angels in all the rooms, sweet dreams and prayers of better days. God heard us here, and I like to think we will carry our charmed life to the new home. Before I sleep tonight I will rememebr my ...

Can you see the intensity in his eyes. He is not talking just yet but he is definately verbal. He can babble, and is animated and expressive. His words are missing the first few syllables but I know what he is saying. I asked the therapist if she saw progress, she told me speech comes slow. Then reassured me that he is goingto be fine just be patient and enjoy every sound he does make since I am lucky to have him at all. I agree. I am lucky to have anything at this point. I have been having images of my best friend MaryEllen and her death as slow and painful as it was. I miss her and am coming up on the one year anniversary on the tenth. I gave her a bath the night of new years and that was the last time I think she was really lucid. I can look back on the blog from last year and check but really... what does it matter. Enjoy the pics of the boy and think happy thoughts of him and send some "talk to mommy karma" his way. Love to all.

Why is this year going to be different? By, Suzituzi This year is going to be different because I am going to make it different. I am going to be less of a procrastinator I will do the things that need to be done when I see them.' I am going to keep up on my laundry, now that the wash and dry are on the first floor there is no excuse for piles anywhere. I am gong to be more attentive to others opinions, maybe not their needs as much as I do now but their opinions I need to handle. I am going to read more than I do. I am going to keep our new home organized. There is enough storage space and attica nd basement so clutter should be a thing of the past. I want to be a better mom

Did I mention lately that I love love love my husband. He got me some beautiful and thoughtful gifts this Christmas. I asked for a toaster. Got it. He got a dvd player for the car for Jack. He got me pony holders for my hair and a flat screen tv for our family room in the new house to put above the fireplace. I mentioned it was something I wanted "someday" for that room and there it was christmas morning. I dont love him for the stuff, I love him for the thinking about the stuff. He has been working everyday, everyday including christmas to get this house ready for us. We are so close to there I cant taste it. last night I helped him for a few hours with the hard wood floors. We work together pretty well. He has invested blood sweat and tears into every inch of that house and THAT... THAT IS LOVE.

You know those videos on tv of people falling down hills or on bikes out of control and they just FALL? OK well thats me right now, we are moving in exactly one week. I am packing stuff everywhere there are boxes filled with who knows what in every room. I have Jack at my Moms as often as possible so he doesnt get hurt. Yeah life, is definately headed to the new place and I think.... Its going to be ok. In the process I have found girls work since kindergarten. Anniversary and birthday cards since 1990. I had one on the top of the pile from Tim circa 1998 10 year anniversary card and it was truly filled with LOVE. I am sorry for hurting him. truly. Regrets I have to work on this new year. I need to start to forgive myself. ANd hopefully be a better person. I cried alot today. Many memories I found and enjoyed. I wish everyone all that is good if I dotnwrie again for a while.

I have so much to say. My heart is so full. I spent my Christmas with my entire family and everyone I could mention or muster loving thoughts of I saw today. My brother Dave had my grandfathers films transferred to dvd. He chose film from the early 60's and film from the mid 70's. That menat that I did get to spend Christmas with my grandparents, my parents, my brothers, Aunts and Uncles that have been gone for years. The film was alot of Christmas. Ironically we spent our Christmas watching our long lost relatives come through the front door of my grandparents house silently mouthing Merry Christmas. Here we were 30 and 40 years later saying the same thing to all of them. My parents really, REALLY young. My brothers teenagers. Me about 12, and ten. braces in some, a few summer films. Just so so so good. I know Dave will be reading this within the next few days and all I can say is that you made my Christmas wish come true. I spent my day with our grandparents, and our ...