Flaming June's Love

True it is gorgeous and virtually indestructable. We shall see.

My Dad would have been 68 yesterday. I know that I shouldn't be grieving so much for so long but I find myself simply mourning our loss over and over again. Events that he should have been with us at. Holidays, birthdays, anything, he should be here. So he is not and I have to let that go and adjust to the new way things are. Along with the new way things are in my life. My home, my children, my husband, my work, my health. Nothing is the way it was, or moreso the way I thought it would be, moreso the way I wanted it to be. I am through the latest bought with the blues, (I really shouldnt call it the blues it is worse than that but I will deal with that definition another time.) I need to make an appointment with my doctor to get back on some medication or something for my ups and down. I have more downs than ups. I dont feel bipolar. I think I have some depression. I wish I had some OCD so I could get my fuc*&^ing house cleaned up and packed. This is a very disjointed po...

I am feeling alot better than I was. I really dont know what triggers these episodes but they can be debilitating. I just wake up feeling like I have no reason to get out of bed. I see things alot clearer out of the fog, but it is truly believable in that state. Heres the latest lowdown on everyone. Allie is fine at school. She is making friends and is doing well in her classes. Missi is doing fine at the Deemer. Roadblocks along the way that hust hit her as rediculous, ( me too) but if I say too much she has a point when she says she wants to leave there. Jack currently has the croup. Horrible sounding and even worse to watch him try to catch his breath. He is on steroids for three days to decrease the swelling and he is now sleeping. I hope we can all get a good nights sleep tonight. I am attaching pics ( I hope ) One is of Missi and her boyfriend Jared. One of Joe and Jack from the summer they fell asleep together in the grass so much like brothers. Last pic of Jack and his ...

Next week is my Dads birthday. October 17th. We always got him something nice for the day in the past few years. Until maybe the last two. He was so hard to buy for he had everything he needed and didnt want for much of anything... except food. My Dad loved to eat and have a good meal. Meal is stretching it. He loved Ice cream, any kind of good bread and pasta. I am so missing him the past few weeks. I heard a saying today "You know that place between dreaming and wake, that is where I will be." So I am going to sleep tonight with visions of my Dad greeting me in my semi awake state tomorrow morning. I am starting to feel a little better. i need to keep moving.

OK so the top pic is the back of the house. That is the color of the siding and I truly love it. The next I believer is Allies room, purply lavendar color. Covered beautifully. Next is the horid looking orange room of course is Missis, The paint just slid on the wall and is not blending well. I think my roller was too nappy and it definately needs another coat. i have images of distressing that room for the paint is permanently fuckered in there. The sideways pic is of the masterbath with the new tile. I love it and truly hope to write to you all while sitting in that tub someday and looking out the window. Any suggestions on the orange pumpkin mess in Missis room feel free to let me know.