Flaming June's Love

I am not computer savvy but I am sure you get the gist. Andy is away at Army reserves and came home sat night. I lost my shit and cried for the first time in a while to him about my guilt with Dad. I often feel that since I ama nurse I should have seen the signs of something bad. If not that then gotten him the help he needed to pull through this. My husband is a very big, strong, impressive figure. He has a presence. Those of you that know him know that you either Love Andy or you hate him. He is that kind of man. I can also say that if he is on your side it is a very good thing. He has taken alot and handled it all with real grace. My first husband used to "tease" that he would have to leave town for a few years when my Father died because he couldnt hand;le it. Andy has taken it all and handled my broken heart gracefully. Not to mention my girls, my mother and Jack. I am grateful. I am lucky.

Tania is a friend that I appreciate. Amy is a friend that I love. Amy D is a friend I admire. Allie and Missi are friends that leave me agape. If these two werent my girls I would look for them for the rest of my life because I know without them my life wouldnt be the same. Allie " Mom, It is hard now I know but just think, If Pop were here for 5 minutes we would say all the same things we used to and really nothing was missing when he was here, WE DID EVERYTHING RIGHT!" You know what -- you 17 yr old brilliant woman- you are right. We did do everything right. Our lives together werent measured by the last three weeks they are measured by the everyday. Our success and the success of my parents are ... US. We are them living or dead. I miss him but nothing has changed we remained together strong and still so a family. Just the way he would want it. Love to you Pop. I hope you are on a golf course somewhere with your Dad and old friends, laughing, reminiscing and gett...

My Aunt called, how am I feeling? "with the date and everything?" A nice way to ask if I am out from under the covers with the anniversary and everything. I feel like shit and hoped I would wake today and be in 2006. I truly have body aches and am feeling exhausted. So how do I relieve that I have overspent. I went and got far too much stuff for the kids the past week. Pics of the baby, allie college stuff. Missi just spending money. I am avoiding everything and burying it under money. Andy never ever puts limits on me because honestly I am a tight wad. Tonight he called and as gently as possible told me to cut it out! I know I have overdone it but what to do instead of sitting at home, and thinking. I ant walk too much cuz I think. I dont want to talk cuz then I think. If I write then I obviously am thinking. I said to my Mom that if I get through the next three weeks I am definately going to live a long ass time cuz if my broken heart can live now i can live ...

this is missi. hah,I'm awesome with uploading these. although,my mom prolly dosen't have these many pictures of me in her possesion,but,who cares? XD Allie and I joke about that alot. Oh well, we're just mean like that I guess. haha,mom keeps asking me what I'm writing...am I gonna tell her? OF COURSE NOT! The suspense is killing her,it's fun to see her spazz over there on the couch: "What're you writing?! tell me what you're writing!" hah,okay,I'm done being mean now.

One year ago today we were at Geisinger Medical center. My Dad was one day post cardiac cath and was up and walking around the hospital as if he were there for weeks. He knew the nurses, the doctors that visited, the custodians and the women that delivered the flowers. We were getting ourselved ready for his bypass on Wednesday morning. We walked the halls back and forth. We pushed Jack in the carriage because he hadnt started to walk yet. Jack had learned by that point how to wave and say "hiya" enthusiastically to the same people he had just passed on the way down the hall. Pop loved it. He adored this boy. The day was spent discussing the after recovery period. I told him he wouold recover quicker because he wasnt recovering from a c section and bypass as I was and he was going to be an off pump bypass whereas I was on a pump. ( long technical stuff story) We talked about walking together, excercising, golfing. He wanted to go to a golf tournament next week an...