Flaming June's Love

Dad? Are you there? Just wanted you to know I miss you everyday and I am trying really hard to do the right things. This picture looks like a cool place but I would rather you be here with us. It is also million of miles away and that is too far. The kids are good and I am fine. Mom is ok but misses you alot. The flowers we planted together last year are coming up. Nothing is the same without you. I love you so much.

Today was a breezy warm day in PA. This is Allie and Jack in the backyard. Spinning and windy and he just looks in love. He adores his sisters. Here are my babies in the new house. It is definitely coming along. (Funny look at Jacks finger in Allies mouth!XD I didn't see it 'til I enlarged it.) Remove the backloader from the pic and this is the garage with a bedroom up above. It really doesnt give much depth but I will get more photos. This is the left side of the house, see turet, first floor it will go to second when we get that far. I have to admit I was at the end of my rope with Jack today. He was an absolute bear. He just was one thing to the next and wouldnt listen terrible twos were always funny with someone elses kid. NOT F*&%^ING FUNNY NOW!!!!! My missi girl is so amazing. She saved some photos she found on a website about the hubble telescope. I asked if they were pics of heaven. She told me there is no heaven mom.

I know I have posted this pic before but it is my favorite. My Fathers hand on Moms shoulder is just so them. Mothers Day, or Fathers day is just not the same. I am missing who we were. I miss who I was. I always felt safe. I knoow how rediculous it is for a 40 yo woman to feel safe because her dad is still alive but that is who we were. I have fears now. I didnt realize before. Who are we without him? I am feeling this today and not a good Mothers day candidate. My husband and Jack. This is an older pic but I love Jacks hand on Andys. See it? And then there is my three. an older pic but it never loses its appeal. Jack maybe 11 months the girls just loving him up. Me just so proud to be associated with any of these three people.

The pic is shitty I know but so much is said in this. The man in the brown pants my Dad. the curly headed kid with dusty maryjanes- Me. The flash in the center my lask of photo copying abilities. Anyway i havent talked about my Dad lately. My online friend Dayngr lost her mom 4 weeks ago. I read her words and it reminds me of the fresh loss mode. I am in the 9 month mode. OK start over. The pic is he and I at the summer house and he throwing a ball to me. I am the fourth of four children. I am maybe 2. Dad is 26. Yup father of four at 26. Hardworking family man husband the whole deal. 1968. I miss him everyday. More somedays than others. Males who dont behave as men. A big one. I want my Dad back. My friend Dayngr put it perfectly if you dont have something good you dont miss it. This is a good Man in this pic. I am rambling because I feel her pain and I am feeling my loss all over again.

My busy boy peeling the labels off of daddys cd collection uhoh. Remember when you were a young young girl and the older boy on the block was the hottest coolest thing? Well the one to allies left is the boy of her childhood dreams. 5 years older than her and a plumber in town. He is adorable but not the boy of her dreams anymore. He is the man that lives down the street that is cute. He told her to scrunch down because she is taller than him, hmmm theres a sign. LOL Allie and the real man in her life. Jack

this was allies last day of High School. She has exams next week but the last uniform with your sister day. I am sad because I know how much her life is going to change, and know how much I will miss her. I am excited for her and all the great things coming her way. These two girls of mine were on the porch eating pretzels and onion dip and we laughed like dorks. My best bud Maryellen who died in Jan this is her little girl the same age as Allie and her best friend since forever. Going to her prom tonight. Her mom was not there in person but I so hope and pray maryellen got to see her baby looking so gorgeous. Jackire has natural red hair and she is just so pretty but a tough cookie. She will tell anyone how it is and then repeat it if necessary. I love her.

OK So I wanted to pu thim up three times cuz he so cute.