Flaming June's Love

This F'ing show hits me every week. I swear the script is written as a post of my life. I have a NDE and swear my father traded his life for mine. I had choice to live or die and desperately chose to live. I dont know if I would fight as hard now, but I did fight hard then. My best friend was the voice in my head before I opened my eyes. I heard her voice and knew her message. When I say I wouldnt fight as hard now I meant that I dont fear death. I know I will be greeted by my father and Maryellen. Everyone will be fine without me and there is a plan for all. My baby Missi has officially acquired a boyfriend. Yup Her friend is now her BF. She is very happy and I think releived that someone finds her "ok". other than her family and girlfriends. I think he s a little punky emo type but she likes him and he doesnt do drugs and is very bright so all is fine. Not much else.

To meet someone or feel as though you meet them is to dip into their lives for however long you are connecting with them. The topic or incidents you dip into can measure the depth of the connection. OK, a woman I "met" through blogger is having an anniversary today. Today is one year since the loss of her son who died at twelve days old. Loss of a child is torture, pure hell on earth Ic an only imagine. She and her husband brought home a healthy son and celebrated family together. Photos of the three of them, walking in a park, their first, cuddling, snoozing, feeding all commemorated on blogger. Then it all came down, down so far those of us that havent felt the loss will never know. I can touch on pain through loss but hope and pray to never know the despair she has endured. Is ther life after this? I dont know. She continues to "live" she works, goes to holiday parties, cooks, cleans. How I dont know. I am feeling so many things for this friend I do...

My children are growing up before my eyes and I dont see it except through the lens of my camera. The digital was one of the best gifts I ever got. I absolutely love it. The girls are always yelling to stop it! Jack just smiles. My Missi is so beautiful. She can be abrasive though, (to say the least) She says things that are shocking. Then she looks around to see a reaction. That is soooo not me. I think that is why she does it. She can be dark. Rebel but not in trouble. (thank God) She is odd. Hysterically soo. She went to Michaels to buy supplies for a project and bought feathers. Why? dunno I liked them. She flitted around the house calling herself a a caw. cxa caw ca caw. hmm feathers in her hands being silly. Then I told her she was a rare breed and should be extinct! She thought that was hysterical really funny. aanyway here she is

Mary Cassatt My all time favorite painter is the true heart of a woman. I am feeling pensive.... maybe. If that is the word, premenstrual is more like it. reflective, thoughtful, sad a little. Dont know exactly why . Ill be ok.

There are only a few words that can describe what this child represents. He is an example of the Love his father and I have shared. The blue eyes are mine in turn are my fathers. The cheeks and full lips are just like his sisters. This afternoon the temp outside was warmer than it has been. The snow still obviously fluffy and fun for the boy. Daddy and he went out and played. Daddy threw the snow in the air and Jack watched as it fell to the ground and all around him, paused and laughed. Allie came down the street at the same time from Nana's house and called Jacks name and the boy stared and smiled and hooted to his big sister. Truly beautiful. After playing outside we all came in and his sister Missi called to Jack and he trailed snow from the front to the back of the house. She hugged him and took off his snow suit and shoes and the RED MITTENS> I found them at a consignment shop. 50cents do I need to shop there? NO do I love these cool red mitttens. Priceless. LOL I...

We had quite a bit of snow in our neck of the woods. Almost a foot of the white stuff. Kids have been outof school since Wednesday and it has been fine. Tonight Missi is at a hockey game with her buds and Allie is at home looking on line for a prom dress. Andy and I went for a lovely dinner and I had two of the most delicious pomegranite martinis.. Yup there is sex in my future tonight!!!! Gotta run crying boy with bright red cheeks, either the cold from playing in the snow or a cold with fever comong on.

Chinese proverb : One generation plants the trees; another gets the shade. Simply I am grateful today for so much. Lots and los of snow out there so the kids and the hubby are home. It is early in the day but at his point this is great in my eyes. I love these people. I will write again later today and see how in love I am then LOL.