Flaming June's Love

I know I have been writing about going to the gym for months now and havent gone. Well today was the day. Andy tried a new tactic, He made a to do list for me while he is out of town this week and put go to gym on it. My mom came down for dinner the other night saw the list and stated she would be down at 9 am on wed to watch Jack. OK that is a team attack but fine Ill go. A little background, this is the facility I went for cardiac rehab for 3 months following surgery so they all know me. I came in and the receptionist said "OH Suzanne Im so glad you are back. " How could I not want to be there. Long story short I went on the treadmill and did my mile in almost twice the time it took me when last I was there. Fuckers Im out of shape. My cardiac nurse came over and did an ekg for baseline and said all was fine blood pressure 110/66 great HR 115, perfect. OK gotta start made an appointment with the trainer for tomorrow and the cardio class at 9am. The smackdown, Fini...

These are a few of my favorite pics for obvious reasons. I have to say because I dont say it enough to convey the deepness. But I love this man. I have since the first day I saw him. I always will.

Missi, Melissa, Missy. This child truly is the example of independent woman at 15. Obviously she is a beautiful girl, but she denies it, "I am smarter than Pretty, mom." I know that and I love you for it. She draws stuff that is so unusual and creative that I have to ask sheepishly "where did that come from?" I dunno, acting cool but proud. She writes stories that truly I want to read. When she was a bay she would draw cartoon books with blocks and bubble comments and tell a story and tell jokes that she made up. Funny child. Her favorite movies? Monty Python. Music? Asian classical. totally against drugs and drinking. Eats no meat, If it had a face, it had a mother and I am not eating someones baby. OK drama queen. Her lips are Angelina Jolie, Her eyes are that blue. In the background you can see her school uniform, LOL she must have gotten out of it and put the blue in her hair and took her own picture?!!! She got her period today and came home from scho...

Here she is. My baby a senior in High School and about to go to college. What can I say about this child. As a baby she wanted to be with me all the time. I have loved her company since a baby. Mature beyond her years. Went to catholic school through 6 th grade then public school for two years and then back to catholic school for HS. She was attacked on her way home from school in eighth grade by a boy who pushed her in someones backyard and tore her clothes and punched her and and did ghastly things to her. Thank God she fought back and ran home. She had bruises on her breasts hand prints really. split lip and scared to death. We took her out of that school and she has blossomed ever since. Her father took care of the kid and his father spent time in counseling (one session) and then moved on. We havent talked about it in a long time. Cheerleader, honor student, captain of softball team, st micheals society, student council, homecoming court, chorus and district choir, cantor...

A blogger that I found a few weeks ago has told the story of her baby boy that died shortly after birth. I tasted the possibility of losing our son and I will post a pic of him on life support or whatever it was. I will also post a pic of me in the open heart unit two days after my surgery holding our son who was less than a week old. All so dramatic, I hardly remember. I was very drugged and in pain but do recall my prayers to "somewhere" "I am not ready to leave this boy!" "save me for a short time to hold him and kiss my girls one more time." I got those wishes granted or prayers answered however you look at them. I was so afraid and cautious. Just keep breathing was going in my head for months afterwards. Now he is running about the house destroying things in his path. Terrible temper, devilish look in his eye as he reaches out to touch the electric plug or the computer. His eyes sparkle with life and I am grateful. I am also feeling some ...

This was Allies sweet sixteen party. They were married 47 years. My mom said not too long ago that she still saw the 15 yo boy she fell in love with when she looked at him. They were truly in love. I miss these people. My mom is not the same without him. They smiled and loved alot. I miss who we were. I want my Dad back. Hot hot tears, For the lost years. Hot hot tears, for all my girlish fears. hot hot tears. whispering in my ears Why did you let me go How could you not know The decision made a week to slow hot hot tears hot hot fears close my eyes, my heart dies, time just cries, sad goodbyes, sad goodbyes, sad goodbyes.

I knew it, I knew it last week with the upcoming trailer for this week. The family standing around watching the dad die. I was there. My brothers and Mom looking to someone for what do we do? Me. I have felt that. Knowing he was in pain, and letting him go on. I wanted him to live, get better. I knew it as soon as they put him back on the vent I knew he wouldnt make it. I wanted to believe, needed to hold on. The end of the show when George says that he doesnt know how to live without his Dad. I know that. We, our family were defined by him. He was the anchor to what we are. Our history is wrapped up in his pride. A man that lives for his family that was dad. Pop loved us more than my words could define. He fought hard, fought real hard. He didnt want to die I know it was too soon. Izzie saying that no money can replace him true but man we will sue the hell out of those drs that made mistakes. I ask myself everyday everyday, what could I have done different. I woul...