Flaming June's Love

Fall is usually my "blue" season. I'm not depressed, and when I feel I am getting a bit darker than "blue" I wrangle myself into remembering a time back on Gardner Ave. I dont want to be that person ever ever again. I do beleive I was "depressed" that time. I was standing at my sink before Jack, before Andy, after Tim. Gray zone. I would call Tim hundreds of times in a day, let it ring, let the machine get it and just listen...... "It's Tim, I can't get the phone, just leave me a message." I would just record... nothing.  I had said, screamed, cried, begged it all before. By this time, I was empty.  So I would record just ... air. I would hang up.  call again. again, again.  Enough so I would record his entire machine then it wouldnt pick up anymore. The sink was full of dishes, a broken glass just found its way into the palm of my hand. I rememebr squeezing it... slowly.  It would break my skin and I'd losen m...

I remember spending hours and hours in college and HS talking to my girlfriends about anything, and everything. I rememebr spending entire weekends in Susan Finnertys house, in her apartment, (yes it was an apartment almost) and Amy Susan and I would spend fri to sunday smoking playing backgammon and eating Millburn Deli subs and sushi for days. WE TALKED How we felt, what we wanted, wished for, looked for, didnt want. What we saw, smelled, thought. Who we liked, boys, girls, teachers, parents, families, strangers. MUSIC WAS HUGE. Lyrics- old or new. Being married, not married, children, no children. Life death, afterlife religion. Susan talked about Barry and Mike. Amy talked about Scott. I talked about.. no one in particular.  I didnt have a boyfriend in High  School. I admired alot of the boys, I liked alot of them too. I hardly talked to any of them but I watched and listened.  I watched and LISTENED.  I LISTENED in the hallway, in the classroom, ...