Flaming June's Love

I have always loved this osng. Everyday that passes makes me love my babes even more. If its even possible. I have been struggling with the inability to control things in my life. I want people, places, expereinces, feelings to all be the way I want them to be. Pretty sure thats normal, but I am used to being able to do that!  whether its by design or just will! Now that I am getting older I find that I'm not always in control anymore. I have to "Let go and let God." Yeah sounds great when you tell it to someone else but ... I dont like it now for myself. I dont want to "LET GO" No. I cant. I have overwhelming anxiety, like a voice in my head telling me "Screw it, youre dead soon anyway." Then my heart kicks inand says "What about my babes, Jack especially, and baby Owen?  AM I irreplaceable?  Can I just WANT them to get over me quickly and find the new normal?" Isn't this a description of the saddest Martyr ever? I...

Marriage isnt all its cracked up to be. I learned that the first time around and Ive learned it again the second time. Difference is though.... This time, I have been more pleasantly surprised by who this man has turned into than I ever expected. My "event" last week really held a mirror up to my face and made me ask the question "are you ready to go?" I dont want to go.  I want to see my Jack grow up a bit more, and see my baby owen a bit longer. I love my husband, It has been hard to come to grips with that fact sometimes, but he is the love of my life. I have loved ALOT in my life, hahhahaha But Andy has proven to be far beyond anything I could have imagined. He is an excellent father  attentive to Jack. He loves my girls and the son in laws and of course Owen beyond words. He loves and cares for my Mother. Is it perfect, no way. But when it comes to caring for me, he is the man. He truly loves me.  Some have never had that feeling.  I know in my h...