Flaming June's Love

I know I know. I have spent alot of YEARS on this blog talking about my Dad.  You have heard it all. Where are you? Do you miss me? Can you see us? Can you hear me talk to you? Did you hear all of us that day, those days? Does any of it matter now?  Does any of it matter.. at all? There are days, moments, more than others that.. HIS life feels CLOSER, than others. Maybe LIFE isnt the right word, but Dads spirit, vibe, being, charm is right next to me. Could it be a memory or a smell that brings him so close to my sense of "DAD".? My son will dance a few steps, tap his foot and rub his belly, look at me... then smile. Not to subtract from Jack , but is that you Dad?  Can jacks mannerisms that so bring you back to me, be you reminding me to remember you? While Tim and I sat in the audience last week while Alllie was nominated and received the honor of student  ambassador, Could you hear me?  I was talking to you, in my head, like a prayer. "Please...

We made a turkey for dinner.  With all the fixins.  Its October.  Allie mashed potatoes, I basted that bird and stuffed it with oranges and apples.  It turned out pretty well. More than the turkey I like the cozy warm kitchen and the SMELL of the turkey.  It feels safe, warm and comforting. Sunday Andy and I are going wtih our friends on a Wine trip day.  I dont know what to expect but I know we will be away for the day and feel grown up.  Im happy for that. Having a garage sale Saturday, selling as much stuff that we dont want or need.  saving the money and going to Vegas. Should I go to Vegas.? Well Im going. Should I? probably not.  Leave Jack with Andy for three nights is a long long time in Jackworld. Along with having no Nana or Allie. Its going to be a long time. But I am going. My nephew is going, and I want to see him, Happy, with his family and relaxed.  I want to see that.  Be a part of that memory for the rest ...